Buckeye2 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) Maybe Buckeye is right that you're reading more into what she's thinking than she deserves. Merrmeade said it better than I did. I think in general that the OP is more empathetic and sensitive than his wife. My point is that given those characteristics, between the two of them, he would be the less likely to cheat and that's what happened. Edited February 3, 2015 by Buckeye2
merrmeade Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Merrmeade said it better than I did. I think in general that the OP is more empathetic and sensitive than his wife. My point is that given those characteristics, between the two of them, he would be the less likely to cheat and that's what happened. Right. I agree with that but wonder if it's not a secondary point in this situation. I'm not sure if OP knows what he's feeling or wants from her. How much is he projecting helps but maybe more helpful would be to figure himself out first. Just saying...
Author TrustedthenBusted Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Ok. Thanks. Going to ry to swing at a few of these: I think you are the one triggering. You are just projecting on to her. I think its best if you just leave it for now. If she needs anything from you she will bring it up on her own. I thought perhaps the same thing. Hence the " is it all in my head." I also told her that even if it wasn't on her mind, it was on mine, so I needed to be honest about that and bing it up. She thanked me for doing so. What are you really asking TTB? I don't know. I suppose I was wondering if anyone else had been in a similar situation re: role reversal like this, and how they handled it. I wasn't really asking "what should I do" I was asking "what would YOU do? " Seeking perspective is all. My point it that you are adding apps to your wife's flawed operating system. I like to think we have aded a firewall, not more apps. And if there are apps, I would liken them to spellcheck, or some other app that makes communication clearer. I get the analogy, I just don't agree that operating systems can never be upgraded. Besides, my own OS has crashed multiple times in the past too. Just not in a way that could pass a virus on to my spouse. ( I could do this all day. lol ) And I don't remember who said it, but I am definitely NOT feeling tempted while I'm here. Sure there is some epic eye candy here, and I am a human being, but the thought of bringing some drunken coworker back to me room holds no appeal. I think all that would be going through my mind is " is this what she was doing etc etc etc." no thanks. So in the end, I had a thought, I told her about it, we talked about it briefly, and then went on to talk about my kid's report card and what she is cooking while the "real" chef is away. I'm glad I brought it up, and she handled it well. To those who feel encouraged - I'm glad. The only real reason I think I even remain on this site is provide some insight into the process, and what it may look like 5 years later. I figure I owe that. If you are not that far along, and reading this, and working toward R with a spouse who has recommitted to you, I want you to know that 95% of my life is not-infidelity related, and quite happy. And that 5%, while challenging, is down from 50%, and still dropping. 2
merrmeade Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I like to think we have added a firewall, not more apps. And if there are apps, I would liken them to spellcheck, or some other app that makes communication clearer. I get the analogy, I just don't agree that operating systems can never be upgraded. Besides, my own OS has crashed multiple times in the past too. Just not in a way that could pass a virus on to my spouse. ( I could do this all day. lol ) Well, that's pretty funny but for the rest of it and this whole thread? I could've wasted my time a lot of other ways. Excuse me for taking you seriously.
Author TrustedthenBusted Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 Well, that's pretty funny but for the rest of it and this whole thread? I could've wasted my time a lot of other ways. Excuse me for taking you seriously. I'm sorry, does every post need to come from a place of inner turmoil and excruciating pain to be considered worthy of attention? I'm 5 years down the road and I think involved in a pretty successful R and I CAN actually laugh about some aspects of my situation THANK GOD because there was a time I thought I'd never laugh again. Lots of my posts will have a dash of humor in them. Doesn't make my situation any different or less serious than anyone else's. Robin Williams laughed a lot too. 1
road Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Robin Williams laughed a lot too. Yes, and we see where it got him.
autumnnight Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Yes, and we see where it got him. Wow...compassion abounds
Author TrustedthenBusted Posted February 5, 2015 Author Posted February 5, 2015 Yes, and we see where it got him. Yes. it got him a whole world full of people who assumed that because he was often so genuinely happy, that his problems must not be that serious or worthy of attention. Question is.... should he have walked around sulking all the time? I don't think he was faking it. I think much of his happiness was genuine. But so was his sadness. I choose to be happy and laugh about the happy, laughable things, and I get sad about the sad things. That was my only point. 2
Recommended Posts