kissmybooty Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 I am new to this forum, but lately I have too many things stressing me out. So I decided that instead of facing this anguish by myself, I ll ask for opinions. I met this guy a few months ago (September 2014). We started out being study partners over skype. So basically I was in no way interested in him because I had never seen him. eventually things moved to showing pictures and him flirting with my over skype. I am usually very good at detecting liars, but not this time. I fell for the sweet words, the flattery. I am extremely busy and nothing mattered more to me at that time than my studying for the boards. But anyway, his lies got me thinking he was really all into me. Even though we studied on skype he knew I lived only minutes away from him but I prefered skype because I did not want to get distracted or I wasnt overly attracted to him. So this flirting while studying period lasted for about 45 days. At that point he was able to completely convince me with all the lies that he was totally into me. So he pleaded to meet up. I was about to leave in 5 days, so I decided what the heck, lets just go I wont lose anything by giving myself a two day break. When we met up he took me out for dinner, there was kissing, but NO sex! He went down on me a couple times but I was hesitant, but anyway I returned the favor.But no sex, And ONLY because I stopped! ThankGod, or else the bastard would have really hurt me. So all off a sudden the last day before me leaving he said hes sick. He came over to say goodbye, offered a ride. But he said he couldnt kiss because he was sick. Looked very fishy to me. But I was like whatever. Anyways so I leave the city, and we are supposed to continue studying but he is still sick. ( I knew something was fishy, and just continued with my life) without thinking much of it. Now two days ago I found out that this dude got ENGAGED in AUGUST 2014!!!!!Exactly a month before he met me!!! HAHAHA laughs at me?! NOPE laughs at HIM! Because he had to LIE to me to try to get me in BED! what a LOSER! ANYWAYS, firstly I was never invested in him, so I am not hurt. What I am pissed off about is the LIES. Because when someone lies to me, It makes me think that I am a FOOL. what would you girls do in this situation? Would you confront him, or would you let him deal with the guilt? Obviously he feels guilty, atleast I hope so. I have no time to deal with this nonsense, but at the same time if I do confront him its going to be some nasty words from my mouth and negativity in my life. I am very busy right now to deal with this. I am very stressed with multiple other things in my life to deal with this. I feel so sorry for his Fiance, because this guy is definitely the type that would do it again if he meets a naive innocent overly friendly girl like me. Anyways, what would you girls do? Thanks a ton, sorry for the long post xoxox
preraph Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Sorry he misled you just to get a bj. Now he's running because he's afraid the fiancee will find out. But I have to say this: oral sex IS sex. It's even more intimate than intercourse. It's something special, not something you dole out because you're not sure if you want to sleep with someone or not. 6
Author kissmybooty Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 (edited) I know exactly why he is running. Perhaps you didnt read my whole post. My question is whether or not to confront him for the lies. I am not interested in him therefore I dont care that he is running because I was never looking for anything serious with him anyway. I know its worst than sex , and even though he went down on me first, I returned the favor just because I wasn't looking for anything serious anyway. Fact is, yes I was played with. And I made a mistake, which I will never repeat in the future i.e. returning the favor or even accepting the favor, (therefore I call myself naive). That should have never happened whether serious or not. This is the first time i've made such a blunder under the influence of stress and alcohol. But that apart, I am in a deliemma if whether I should even bother confronting him or continue to live my live without making him realize what an a$$ he is. Edited February 2, 2015 by kissmybooty
Omei Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 I dont think you could make him realize what an ass he is or get a sorry or have him feel guilt this is a guy who will chase a woman while hes engaged you're not gonna make him feel anything he has no remorse. I wouldnt even waste my time id just never speak to him again, its really that easy. 1
amaysngrace Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 You aren't naive because you took him at his word. You're probably just honest so you expect other to be honest too. Sometimes they're not. I probably wouldn't do anything about it...like what? Tell his fiancée? 1
TigerCub Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 How did you find out he ws engaged? If you can find out how to contact the fiance - I'd say go to her before even confronting him. If you confront him, that gives him time to go and make up some stories about a crazy girl he studied with that's obsessed with him that he turned down and blah blah to make you look crazy in the off chance that you go to the fiance. So if there is gonna be confrontation - tell the fiance first. If, as you say, you're too busy to deal with his crap, then it's fine to just leave it. It seems like this experience has taught you a lesson - and it is unfortunate that there are cheaters and liars like him that teach us these lessons in the first place. SO - as a girl, my answer is I wouldn't confront him, but if I want to cause a $hit storm, I'd go to the fiance without giving him a chance to 'cover his tracks' or to make me look like an unreliable accuser. 2
Author kissmybooty Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 To be honest, even though I am in denial right now that I was played with. The fact is, at the time he made me believe that he was in love with me. He said everything from "I love you" to "I want you for ever" I should have known that it is too soon. But, i am very inexperienced with relationships. He played it off so good that I totally believed him , closed my eyes when I kissed him. Asked my friends to pray for him when he was "sick". Lol, I dont know whether to laugh at myself or laugh at him. Even though hes not the type of guy I would want as my sig other, I still believed him so much that in my mind I made the adjustments. He was that good at lying. Thanks @Omei, you are right I dont think he will feel any guilt anyway.
Author kissmybooty Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 How did you find out he ws engaged? If you can find out how to contact the fiance - I'd say go to her before even confronting him. If you confront him, that gives him time to go and make up some stories about a crazy girl he studied with that's obsessed with him that he turned down and blah blah to make you look crazy in the off chance that you go to the fiance. So if there is gonna be confrontation - tell the fiance first. If, as you say, you're too busy to deal with his crap, then it's fine to just leave it. It seems like this experience has taught you a lesson - and it is unfortunate that there are cheaters and liars like him that teach us these lessons in the first place. SO - as a girl, my answer is I wouldn't confront him, but if I want to cause a $hit storm, I'd go to the fiance without giving him a chance to 'cover his tracks' or to make me look like an unreliable accuser. Two days ago, I couldnt sleep and I tried to look at his facebook. We are not friends on FB because I dont have a FB,but he posts some postly publicly once in a while. His display and cover pic are of himself since I first met him. He had a post that had a "like" I randomly decided to click and see who"liked" it just because it was a relationship post. When I clicked on that name, WHAM! the girls profile pic was a picture of him with her shared publicly and comments about "Congrats on the engagement" A few pics were posted in August, 2014 on the same day on her profile. I feel so sorry for that girl. But honestly I dont think I can tell her, because I will get myself thinking that I ruined someones marriage. Although I would be saving her, but I dont know. I could totally message her but when she confronts him, he will know it was me. In my field, we might work with each other, and this might get things complicated for my professional life. So I am just watching myself in this case because I am the one that is hurt already.
Ebelskiver Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Just send her a message on FB. It's the right thing to do. Professional relationships should be kept professional. If you do end up working together, treat him as a coworker, get your work done and don't be social. Now is the time to tell her BEFORE she is married. If they were already married, I would say just stay out of it. But as it stands you could save her YEARS of heartache, money, children! 1
Author kissmybooty Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Anyways I dont know how I am going to message her. Because I think it will break the poor girl. He still did not block my phone # or skype. But i went ahead and blocked him from my skype and wattsapp. I am so glad I found out about this because he wanted to hang out again when I was back in his city in a few months. Which is SO NOT Happening. I am going no contact. I have already invested a lot of time into his stories and making adjustments to my work times because he had other things to do on our scheduled study times. This is the lesson I have for being "too nice". People think they can lie to you, manipulate you. This is the second time I am learning this, and this is it. I am going to be a assertive bitch from now on. Too bad it has to be like this, but thats how it works.
angel.eyes Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 I would take screen shots of his messages to you on whatsapp, etc. and forward them to this guy's fiancee. She deserves to know he's untrustworthy BEFORE she marries him. Other than that, I would ignore him and carry on with my life. 2
Author kissmybooty Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 If I got engaged a month ago and my man went down on a woman multiple times in two days, I would be devastated and never want to see his face ever again, let alone marry him:(. I am still trying to put together a message to send his fiance. I just wish an angel could go and tell her and I did not have to do this dirty work.
angel.eyes Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) You can send something like this: I just discovered the guy I've been dating and was sexually intimate with over the past 5 months was cheating on me. I've ended things since finding out. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but these messages may be of interest to you. You shouldn't be kept in the dark as I was. Attach the screenshots. Send. Done. Edited February 3, 2015 by angel.eyes 1
preraph Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Trust me, he already knows what an ass he is. 1
angel.eyes Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 But does the fiancee who's about to commit to him for life?
Mrin Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 How's this? Hi, If I were you I would want to know this. I was [insert dude's name] study partner on Skype. Over the course of 45 days he flirted with me and I eventually agreed to go out on a date with him. We saw each other a few times and he professed his love despite the fact that I was leaving [insert city name]. I did not allow him to have sex with me, but he did perform oral sex. I just learned that he is engaged to you. At all times he presented himself as single and available. I have no interest in "taken" men. I immediately blocked him from my life. Further, you should know that I have moved away and no longer live in [insert city name]. I'm sorry you're having to hear this from me but like I said, if I were you I'd want to know this before getting married. Best of luck, [your name] 2
Ieris Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Hi, If I were you I would want to know this. I was [insert dude's name] study partner on Skype. Over the course of 45 days he flirted with me and I eventually agreed to go out on a date with him. We saw each other a few times and he professed his love despite the fact that I was leaving [insert city name]. I did not allow him to have sex with me, but he did perform oral sex. I just learned that he is engaged to you. At all times he presented himself as single and available. I have no interest in "taken" men. I immediately blocked him from my life. Further, you should know that I have moved away and no longer live in [insert city name]. I'm sorry you're having to hear this from me but like I said, if I were you I'd want to know this before getting married. Best of luck, [your name] +1 Nice, no rubbish and straight to the point. I think you are doing the right thing in letting his fiance know what kind of person he is before she walks down the aisle. I wish I had the chance to message "the other girl" but I can't find her >_< she's probably still being played like a fool. 2
fred123 Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 wait a minute. i can see he played her and i feel sorry for her. but retaliating by sending his fiancee messages is wrong. also girls will play guys in a different way for example lead them on etc. it is a two way street. i can feel your anger but its not the way to handle it. be strong and learn from this. also you two were study partners. he has no obligation to continue or do anything and you have no entitlement for anything either. this gets said to us guys to that we are not entitled to be in a reship or have awoken like us etc. people change their minds, works both ways
beach Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Anyways I dont know how I am going to message her. Because I think it will break the poor girl. He still did not block my phone # or skype. But i went ahead and blocked him from my skype and wattsapp. I am so glad I found out about this because he wanted to hang out again when I was back in his city in a few months. Which is SO NOT Happening. I am going no contact. I have already invested a lot of time into his stories and making adjustments to my work times because he had other things to do on our scheduled study times. This is the lesson I have for being "too nice". People think they can lie to you, manipulate you. This is the second time I am learning this, and this is it. I am going to be a assertive bitch from now on. Too bad it has to be like this, but thats how it works. If I were about to marry him I would prefer to know what a liar and cheater he is - BEFORE the wedding! What she does with the info is up to her. But I think you owe it to her to speak up (or at least write her with the evidence). He is the one who cheated and lied - if you end up working together it's best he knows that you are aware how terrible he's behaved. He should be embarrassed not you.
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