italiangirl03 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Hi everyone, I appreciate all of you sharing your time and advice to others on here. Here is my situation… I have dated this guy for about 8 months, in the beginning it started off just as friends to see where things would go, in the beginning I caught him texting an ex girlfriend and thought nothing of it because we weren't even official at that point. They didn't talk after that one time though. So our relationship continued and it seemed to be going fine, he met my family (my sister and parents) and they loved them, he even bought them all Christmas gifts, brought over wine ect.. During the beginning he blew off friends for me, hung out with my other friends and we double dated for a bit so I guess we can say that things were going well. He met my distant family and there is about 20 first cousins I have plus all my aunts and uncles, he used to wait at my house until I was done work, planned trips with me and lets just say everything was perfect. My family loved him, one day I brought up the topic about marriage and kids (he is muslin, I am catholic) he said that if it wasn't how his religion wanted it then we couldn't go that far but during the months where things were going well he whispered in my ear one time that we would make the cutest babies. Anyways, there was a fight regarding the religion differences and then we didn't talk for 5 days until I approached him saying that we will go with the flow and when we cross that bridge we will cross it. After that the pieces seemed to be getting picked up where we left them. He was talking about valentines day plans, flights to Montreal in April ect.. and then a cousin of mines birthday was coming up Jan 27th, I invited my ex to come and told him to only come if he wants to and not because I am asking, so he came and everything was perfect, he was joking with my family, hugging my grandmother and even said he would go over to my uncles house at the end of the week and my aunts 60th birthday the following week after. The next day is when it all changed and i'm surprised it did considering the great time we had the day before. I went to visit him on his lunch and i'm the type of person that is affectionate, likes deep conversations and opens up. Him on the other hand doesn't, I asked him that lunch hour how his feelings for me are because on my side I am starting to fall in love and he hasn't expressed anything that deep other than saying he likes me. He avoided the question and I went home, he texted me after and I ignored him that day until the following day when I told him I just wanted to be alone and was stressed with other things in life. So i took a chance … I texted him how it was ok for him to open up and i just wanted to know how far his like for me went and I wouldn't break his heart and that I would be patient until he's read y to open up.. Then the bomb hit.. He told me that he hasn't been feeling the "spark" between us and that he has other things to worry about in his life like his career and his working out and that our arguments stress him out, long story short. I asked him after why he came to meet my family and did all the things he did for me if there was no "spark" and he said it was to see if a spark would happen. BS!! you don't date somebody for 8 months and then say that.. The day after my sister, who is a therapist, called him and they had a talk.. After he texted me saying he's sorry for hurting me and that he almost cried last night thinking about all this but he knows it won't work in the end because of the marriage and kids aspect. He also said that if we continue any longer it won't hold a purpose because feelings just aren't there. He said he doesn't make me happy enough either. But then he says that his coat still smells like me and that it's beautiful. I told him maybe one day we could be friends I am very confused.. I haven't spoke to him in a week but he is adding random girls on instagram, liking there pictures. He even liked his exes picture along with the random girls. The funny thing is that him and the ex aren't even friends on there so he went out of his way to search her and like a picture. I just want to know everyones opinion here, my friends say they think the religion part of it is what made him break up with me and he obviously still has feelings for me and just saying that as an easy way out. Other friends say he's a confused person and a loser. Which just doesn't help me at all. Sometimes I want to text him just to say hey what's up but I know I can't. What do you guys think? Would you give him a text or would you wait to text him or should I move on... He is also signed into reddit on my computer and forgot to sign out and I seen he liked a quote yesterday on heart brake that said "what is shown on the outside is nothing like the heartache on the inside" and he also wrote a forum about me 5 months ago about how he thinks he ****** up a situation with me when in reality I didn't even care about the situation he thought he messed up on? Ps. I'm sorry for the long message and if it's confusing I apologize lol I am trying to express the whole story so quickly and as short as possible as I can.
Aphrodite151 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 This must be the worst feeling ever. I know because I am going through something similar right now. Except my "boyfriend" just disappeared after aggressively pursuing me for 5 months and buying gifts and everything else. Its hard to believe that everything was all just a lie--but the reality is that these men are even more confused than we are--and it is not our problem, ultimately. When you are feeling low after an experience like this, I feel it is important to give yourself at least 30 days off from being in touch with them and obsessing over them...just to get your self-esteem back and to gain some perspective. You'll also become more attractive again, which is important. I feel like all I want are answers right now after my break-up, but I feel it is not going to do any good. I know that I deserve more and that I don't really want to be with someone who doesn't truly want to be with me. Also, there is a book that deals with men who are acting like this--and what you can do to recover called "Men who can't love." I just read it and I feel much better now. Its amazing and soooo helpful. Just take some time off for yourself. That's what's most important right now. Hang in there...you're not alone!
galaxys5 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 This must be the worst feeling ever. I know because I am going through something similar right now. Except my "boyfriend" just disappeared after aggressively pursuing me for 5 months and buying gifts and everything else. Its hard to believe that everything was all just a lie--but the reality is that these men are even more confused than we are--and it is not our problem, ultimately. When you are feeling low after an experience like this, I feel it is important to give yourself at least 30 days off from being in touch with them and obsessing over them...just to get your self-esteem back and to gain some perspective. You'll also become more attractive again, which is important. I feel like all I want are answers right now after my break-up, but I feel it is not going to do any good. I know that I deserve more and that I don't really want to be with someone who doesn't truly want to be with me. Also, there is a book that deals with men who are acting like this--and what you can do to recover called "Men who can't love." I just read it and I feel much better now. Its amazing and soooo helpful. Just take some time off for yourself. That's what's most important right now. Hang in there...you're not alone! you should hang out with me too.
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