Sub Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 It's been kind of an odd week. Sorry if this is long. It's really just to share. We're over three years post-D-day, and things are really good. We're at a good place with each other. Life's going well. Triggers have been fewer and farther between. Then, two things happen that a while ago could have twisted me up a bit. My brother calls me and tells me his xAP passed away. She had been diagnosed with cancer during their A. His D-Day was a couple months after mine. He knew she was sick. My SIL was the one that found out about her passing. My brother was kind of cold when discussing it, in the process kind of ticking me off a bit. More because of the way he described what happened and how he didn't really have any feelings about her death. I added my two cents, we ended the conversation, and I just went along with my day. It kind of ran off me, although it was an opportunity for things to kind of gnaw at me. They didn't. I think I used to lump him and my WW together as "cheaters". A year ago, I may have had this conversation with him, and projected whatever bothered me about his reactions towards my WW. Like, this is how "they" see things. That doesn't exist now. Thankfully. Then, this past weekend, my W (or WW, I guess) went to a "ladies night" at the home of a friend of ours. There were a bunch of other friends there, and some new people. Some of the people were there to sell some handmade goods. There was one woman doing card readings. My W knew ahead of time and scheduled a reading, just out of curiosity. She thought it would be fun. So, when she gets there, she finds out that the woman doing the readings lives across the street from us. We've never really come into contact with her. The only thing we know about her is that a few years ago she discovered her H having an A with her best friend. After the D, she turned to readings and other holistic avenues to help her heal. Anyway......My W sits down, and the first thing this woman says when turning the cards is: "I'm seeing infidelity." My W cringes, but doesn't deny it, although the specifics of who strayed are never brought up. I think she assumed my W was the BS. She started to talk about therapy, how she could relate, etc. She then asked,"You guys were THE couple, weren't you?" And we were/are. All of our friends have always seen us as this pillar of a relationship. We got married first. We had a kid first. We're affectionate in public, do all the little, cute, romantic things. We're "happy". Yet almost nobody knows about this big thing in our life. A few important people....and now the lady who lives across the street. Just really kind of weird. And all we could do is look at each other and shrug our shoulders. We talked a little about it, kind of laughed, and that was that.
TrustedthenBusted Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Weird story. Makes you wonder how many readings she does that start off with " I see infidelity" huh? I can tell you one thing though... I've become practically psychic with my ability to sniff out infidelity now that I know what all the warnings signs are. Maybe I should start making money at parties! 2
Author Sub Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 I thought of that. It's not like the odds are slim that "I see infidelity" could be applicable to anyone. 3
dichotomy Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 I really dislike having anyone in our lives who knows about WW past with MM or others. Mostly these are purged from our lives. You bring up one other odd point - death of an exAP. OM is much older then us, and I always wondered what my wife (WW) would feel or think when he passes. However he appears in good health for his age, an unlikely to die any time soon in the next few years - despite my fantasies (). However someday it will happen, and she will get a call. I can't imagine she will be neutral about it. 1
Lion Heart Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Sub I'm glad to hear that things are improving for you in your marriage. It's only 7w 1 day since my D Day so it's nice to know some people make it through. I'm not religious and don't dabble in anything psychic at all. I do pray of sorts to my higher or future self or God or the universe at times. BUT so many uncanny things have happened around this infidelity of my WH. Firstly I had about 7 dreams over the past 2-3 years or so, seeing my husband having sex with OW. Different women, places etc. Every single time I told my H and he emphatically reiterated his love for me and the kids. I did follow with, you'd be out you know that. He said he'd never do it. The last dream before A the dream was at his new part time job And that's where he met her. I wasn't feeling ANY insecurities whatsoever but the dreams kept coming. Hmmm On the night of D Day, my eldest daughter minded our 3 much younger children. She was so upset (had vomited uncontrollably on the phone when I told her) but was talking to her husband about it. She was on her balcony over looking a beautiful valley and banged her hands on the balcony and looked up saying WHY? WHY? to the sky. A massive shooting star came across the sky and her husband saw it too. They had never seen one from their balcony before (8 years). But they looked at each other and just "knew" that everything would be all right for me. Ok so the others I'll do in point form: * I haven't been fully accepted by my WH family because I'm not the same religion (15 years of marriage). It is a faith that holds "high moral standards". OW was the same religion as my WH and his family. So I felt she came to prove something. Plus OW was a "psychic", not a very good one I told her because she didn't see WH coming! * I had received my first ever inheritance 6 months ago. I invested wisely and it's just enough to finish this house to lock up (to rent) take remaining 7 OS for my 50th and move house. * my mobile phone "broke". The contacts disappeared 2 weeks b4 D Day. Not unusual except that texts from about 7 people only came thru on my old phone after D Day even tho it was no longer connected to any network and disabled by my tech savvy SIL. * ALL my passwords on work email & banking failed. It was like "don't work and don't move money". I was on leave anyway but it's weird. I moved money anywat * I didn't drink at all much prior to D Day. Drinks out and I'd suffer horribly the next day. I drank myself stupid every day for a month after D Day. Usually 10 bourbons (at least). I went for days without eating BUT never once did I have a hangover or even get a headache. * my WH wasn't feeling much remorse or compassion for me after 3 weeks and I'd say "you don't know what we go thru here all day because you're at work!" WH had a horrible accident at that time. He was in hospital awaiting surgery and my usually extremely compassionate children chose to go to the carnival instead of visiting him. Wow. Not being able to work, WH saw every day & night the effects of his infidelity. That's all for now. Lion Heart.
spanz1 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 But...if she was an accurate card reader....why did she not foretell of her husband cheating on HER?
Author Sub Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 But...if she was an accurate card reader....why did she not foretell of her husband cheating on HER? I felt bad for saying it, but I made this comment to my W. The woman didn't start doing it until AFTER the A. I don't know how I feel about the card-reading thing. I can't argue that she hit the marks with my W, though.
Author Sub Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 You bring up one other odd point - death of an exAP. OM is much older then us, and I always wondered what my wife (WW) would feel or think when he passes. However he appears in good health for his age, an unlikely to die any time soon in the next few years - despite my fantasies (). However someday it will happen, and she will get a call. I can't imagine she will be neutral about it. It would depend. This case was a bit tragic because the woman was relatively young (late 40's). If the OM(he's 40) in my case suddenly died, I'd probably feel the way I feel about most people my age that I'm not close with dying: it's unfortunate. I would understand if my W felt a greater loss. They were friends at one point. He's kind of a douche, but I never saw him as a horrible person. In my brother's case, it sounded a bit forced. Like he was acting cold to create the appearance of not caring. To have complete disdain for a part of his life that he was ashamed of.
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