heartache25 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 So, this is my story and any advice and help is greatly appreciated. So, I am 25yr old and my ex 28, we was together for 4 years. It was a loving yet tough relationship, she has severe anxiety issues, which I struggled with, as she didn't belive anything I say or do, there was always an accusation. Anyways, during the first 4 month, I tried so hard to get this girl back in my life cause I loved her, although she did not me or so she said. I turned up at her house, many times to plead for this girl back. She let me in some times but I was sharp on my way walking home at 3am drunk most times after a cuddle and her saying she didn't want me and me leaving heart broken after breaking NC over and over again. She even had me took away by the police one time, which really really hurt me, and I new that was it, it was over, I was scarred and hurting seriously so much, it was over and I had to accept it now. But months down the line, we ended up speaking through whatsapp and FB etc, as she unblocked me from these sites. One night she was drunk, she rang me upset saying she missed me and if I wanted to come see her, I accepted sober and went to see her, we hugged on the coach and she cryed, saying she missed me and she was soo sorry for what was done and we cant get back together, I refused the sex with her, I just cuddled to her really tightly. After that night, her parents went away for 2 weeks, like the last 2 weeks, I have been going to see her, I even had sex with her but still, she drills it into my head, how we can not get back together she just cant do it, she has told me she is embarrsed of me, that's why no 1 can know im seeing her, which also hurt a lot. I spent the last weekend with her at her house, watching movies, chilling hugging banter, she told me she just enjoys my company? I say, so you use me for your company? she replied yes, which hurt again. She is still cold towards me, I show her love still and im very affectionate with my cuddles and kisses. I walk to her house, in -5 degree weather at 4am, whatever times she asks, I will go to see her. But now my self esteem is taking a hit, why am I going to see this girl? She doesn't want me she says but yet will kiss me and hold hands and hug while we watch movies and laugh and have fun but wil not get back with me, I tell her its ok, I understand but im sooo confused. please, help me on this.
galaxys5 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 lol cause she using you as a ****in blanket bro...move on. 1
Zahara Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 But now my self esteem is taking a hit, why am I going to see this girl? She doesn't want me she says but yet will kiss me and hold hands and hug while we watch movies and laugh and have fun but wil not get back with me, I tell her its ok, I understand but im sooo confused. please, help me on this. What are you confused about? She told you plain and simple she likes having company. There are people out there that can use you for whatever benefit they need without loving or caring for you. And what man, with balls intact lets a woman say to him that she is embarrased to be seen with him, yet he runs around kissing her behind? What's wrong with you? Women don't find men like you attractive, just good enough to use. I'm an outsider reading this and I am cringing for you. I hate to be harsh with you but for goodness sake, stop being a doormat. Your self-esteem hasn't taken a hit -- it's vanished. 4
galaxys5 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 What are you confused about? She told you plain and simple she likes having company. There are people out there that can use you for whatever benefit they need without loving or caring for you. And what man, with balls intact lets a woman say to him that she is embarrased to be seen with him, yet he runs around kissing her behind? What's wrong with you? Women don't find men like you attractive, just good enough to use. I'm an outsider reading this and I am cringing for you. I hate to be harsh with you but for goodness sake, stop being a doormat. Your self-esteem hasn't taken a hit -- it's vanished. LOL THISsss 1
Marco Valerio Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Hi friend, it's true what they say, she's probably using you as a safe net!!! Get away from her!!! 1
Author heartache25 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 I understand that she is using me guys/ladies but she has said many things to me since the breakup, from not loving me and hating me. but lately, she tells me she still loves me, I know she has not dated another man since the breakup 6 months ago but I do feel used, every time I went to see her on weekends, we would just get some takeaway and eat and watch movies. Everytime I asked for a kiss, she would say no. I had to be sneaky about getting a kiss on the lips from her. Guys, do you really think she is simply using me? She has many frends, and is very attractive and hot, no lie. I get confused on if she is using me, although she has said she is using for company, she can say mean things to me and not mean them, I know it and I know her. I love this girl still guys, I feel hooked on her again, she always says sorry, I ask why your sorry? she says for letting you come down, we cant get back together and its my fault for letting you come down, I just shrug it off fakely, like its ok, I don't mind, we can just chill together but deep down I want her and she really knows it.
Zahara Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 I understand that she is using me guys/ladies but she has said many things to me since the breakup, from not loving me and hating me. but lately, she tells me she still loves me, I know she has not dated another man since the breakup 6 months ago but I do feel used, every time I went to see her on weekends, we would just get some takeaway and eat and watch movies. Then what are you still doing with her? We don't have to tell you this, you already know. Who gives a damn if she isn't dating, tells you she loves you? Words don't mean squat. They're cheap, and free. If she loved you, she wouldn't be embarassed to be seen around you. C'mon, OP. Everytime I asked for a kiss, she would say no. I had to be sneaky about getting a kiss on the lips from her. Ugh. I don't even know what to say. Your desperation reeks and it's so unattractive. Guys, do you really think she is simply using me? She has many frends, and is very attractive and hot, no lie. You're the guy that will tolerate being treated like a doormat just because she's hot and and attractive. You're not confused. You just don't value yourself and have lost all self-respect. 2
KBarletta Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 She has you on a string, and she will keep you there as long as you allow her to. Is this what you want? To be with someone who only sees you as "company" when she is lonely and doesn't even want to be seen with you in public? You are - at best - Plan B. Maybe C or D. I would walk away, go NC and wait until she unequivocally says she wants you back. Even then, if that day comes (I doubt it) I would insist on counseling for her anxiety issues at the very least. Do you really want to resume a relationship with her? If so, I would tell her matter of fact-ly that you are through being a doormat and a second choice and she needs to either commit to you or say goodbye. You can't keep being her doormat. 1
Author heartache25 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 Then what are you still doing with her? We don't have to tell you this, you already know. Who gives a damn if she isn't dating, tells you she loves you? Words don't mean squat. They're cheap, and free. If she loved you, she wouldn't be embarassed to be seen around you. C'mon, OP. Ugh. I don't even know what to say. Your desperation reeks and it's so unattractive. You're the guy that will tolerate being treated like a doormat just because she's hot and and attractive. You're not confused. You just don't value yourself and have lost all self-respect. You right on everything man, and it breaks my heart to read it, I know everything you say is true and it makes me upset right now. I love this girl man, with everything I am, I would die for her but it upsets me what she says to me soo much, I am a man and I care for her and I love her. She does use me, not for sex just for company, and it hurts. She does not show the love to me as she once did, its her who is telling me to stop being so clingy while im with her. apparently I want to many cuddles and kisses from her, man I do everything, she asks for a drink I get her it, she asks me to get a pillow, ill do it, she asked me only yesterday to pull her trouser leg down, as she layed on the chair, I got up and pulled them down, I felt dumb, I do everything she asks and anything, no questions ill just do it. It hurts a lot, she shouts at me a lot for stuff, for my opinions and thoughts, she gets mad and I just go quiet and let her speak and try to change subject. She had bruises on her bum, (from me) but I joke say who that off?! she says its got nothing to do with you. Then why am I laying in bed with you? it hurts so much. She lets me cuddle her, like we used to, I walk everywhere for her, she wont ever pick me up, I have to sneak to her house from 7pm and walk home at like 12pm in whatever weather, which is like a 30min walk. She doesn't want me to tell anyone that we are speaking and me going to her house, and that hurts aswell. I just cant let go, I know I should man, I know. But I feel I can't find another woman like her, she makes me laugh and is hot compared to me, she is out of my league looks wise, not personality wise, if I love you, I wll show you, in hugs and affection, I receive not much to anything from her but anger and demands. i'm so upset and im 25yr old I feel so lonely without her, so I need her man.
towardthefuture Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 You right on everything man, and it breaks my heart to read it, I know everything you say is true and it makes me upset right now. I love this girl man, with everything I am, I would die for her but it upsets me what she says to me soo much, I am a man and I care for her and I love her. She does use me, not for sex just for company, and it hurts. She does not show the love to me as she once did, its her who is telling me to stop being so clingy while im with her. apparently I want to many cuddles and kisses from her, man I do everything, she asks for a drink I get her it, she asks me to get a pillow, ill do it, she asked me only yesterday to pull her trouser leg down, as she layed on the chair, I got up and pulled them down, I felt dumb, I do everything she asks and anything, no questions ill just do it. It hurts a lot, she shouts at me a lot for stuff, for my opinions and thoughts, she gets mad and I just go quiet and let her speak and try to change subject. She had bruises on her bum, (from me) but I joke say who that off?! she says its got nothing to do with you. Then why am I laying in bed with you? it hurts so much. She lets me cuddle her, like we used to, I walk everywhere for her, she wont ever pick me up, I have to sneak to her house from 7pm and walk home at like 12pm in whatever weather, which is like a 30min walk. She doesn't want me to tell anyone that we are speaking and me going to her house, and that hurts aswell. I just cant let go, I know I should man, I know. But I feel I can't find another woman like her, she makes me laugh and is hot compared to me, she is out of my league looks wise, not personality wise, if I love you, I wll show you, in hugs and affection, I receive not much to anything from her but anger and demands. i'm so upset and im 25yr old I feel so lonely without her, so I need her man. dude................. just..... don't. She's probably this close to just straight up sucking a dick in front of you.
KBarletta Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 You right on everything man, and it breaks my heart to read it, I know everything you say is true and it makes me upset right now. I love this girl man, with everything I am, I would die for her but it upsets me what she says to me soo much, I am a man and I care for her and I love her. She does use me, not for sex just for company, and it hurts. She does not show the love to me as she once did, its her who is telling me to stop being so clingy while im with her. apparently I want to many cuddles and kisses from her, man I do everything, she asks for a drink I get her it, she asks me to get a pillow, ill do it, she asked me only yesterday to pull her trouser leg down, as she layed on the chair, I got up and pulled them down, I felt dumb, I do everything she asks and anything, no questions ill just do it. It hurts a lot, she shouts at me a lot for stuff, for my opinions and thoughts, she gets mad and I just go quiet and let her speak and try to change subject. She had bruises on her bum, (from me) but I joke say who that off?! she says its got nothing to do with you. Then why am I laying in bed with you? it hurts so much. She lets me cuddle her, like we used to, I walk everywhere for her, she wont ever pick me up, I have to sneak to her house from 7pm and walk home at like 12pm in whatever weather, which is like a 30min walk. She doesn't want me to tell anyone that we are speaking and me going to her house, and that hurts aswell. I just cant let go, I know I should man, I know. But I feel I can't find another woman like her, she makes me laugh and is hot compared to me, she is out of my league looks wise, not personality wise, if I love you, I wll show you, in hugs and affection, I receive not much to anything from her but anger and demands. i'm so upset and im 25yr old I feel so lonely without her, so I need her man. Your choices here are to keep doing what you're doing (being her puppet) and eventually be kicked to the curb when she finds someone else, or stand up for yourself and walk away. Either way, there is going to be heartbreak, but at least in one case you actually come away with some dignity. 1
Zahara Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 You right on everything man, and it breaks my heart to read it, I know everything you say is true and it makes me upset right now. I love this girl man, with everything I am, I would die for her but it upsets me what she says to me soo much, I am a man and I care for her and I love her. You shouldn't be dying at 25 for someone that treats you like crap. Decades to be lived, to love, to experience and to possibly one day find someone that truly deserves all your very best. This isn't it. Love isn't enough. It isn't the one and only thing that carries a relationship or sustains it. She does use me, not for sex just for company, and it hurts. She does not show the love to me as she once did, its her who is telling me to stop being so clingy while im with her. apparently I want to many cuddles and kisses from her, man I do everything, she asks for a drink I get her it, she asks me to get a pillow, ill do it, she asked me only yesterday to pull her trouser leg down, as she layed on the chair, I got up and pulled them down, I felt dumb, I do everything she asks and anything, no questions ill just do it. It hurts a lot, she shouts at me a lot for stuff, for my opinions and thoughts, she gets mad and I just go quiet and let her speak and try to change subject. Please stop this. You're like her dog on a leash. i'm so upset and im 25yr old I feel so lonely without her, so I need her man. You lack self-value and you're an extension of her because without her hotness and attractiveness you see no value in yourself. You don't need her nor do you love her, you just need her to validate you because you see nothing in yourself.
Author heartache25 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 Then please some one help me, I am crying right now and laughing at myself, I am so upset reading reality, everything ive read is true and I know it, and it hurts me so much. Love truly sucks man but I just don't know what to do, if I tell her, "Ok, we have to leave it here, I love you but I don't receive it back from you" I don't have the balls to block her on the apps we speak on, cause I am scared I will hurt her feelings. although she left me 6 months ago, ripped my heart in two, litterly and does on a daily basis of speaking with her through whatsapp. She sleeps naked with me, she is not a slut guys, I know this woman. but it hurts so much, she hugs me and lets me kiss her some times but like I said earlier, I try to do everything for her, I tell her she I gorgeous and beatifull everytime I see her, continusally. I never have received a complement from her, only the reasons why she can not get back with me, always another reason why she cant get back with me but yet invites me down to spend the night with her or to watch a movie. I think she cares for me but she doesn't love me as she once did. I just don't know what to do, but I know to walk away is the right thing to do for me, and for her. But I am worried to upset her, I don't want to upset her, although she was the one who left me and broke my heart. Even tonight she tells me she is waiting at her house for a guy she works with, as she brings and takes him to work (he works in same place) she tells me how guys ask her out at work on dates etc, which also hurts. She tells me we are single and its nothing to do with me, I am so upset.
Satu Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 The way you are behaving with this woman is ridiculous. Can you really not see how wrong this is?
Satu Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Then please some one help me, I am crying right now and laughing at myself, I am so upset reading reality, everything ive read is true and I know it, and it hurts me so much. Love truly sucks man but I just don't know what to do, if I tell her, "Ok, we have to leave it here, I love you but I don't receive it back from you" What you think of as your love for her is not love. It is an unhealthy and dysfunctional attachment. It sounds to me like you were Limerent with each other, that her Limerence faded, whilst yours remains. You really should get some therapy.
Zahara Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 if I tell her, "Ok, we have to leave it here, I love you but I don't receive it back from you" I don't have the balls to block her on the apps we speak on, cause I am scared I will hurt her feelings. although she left me 6 months ago, ripped my heart in two, litterly and does on a daily basis of speaking with her through whatsapp. Well until you are ready to get your balls back, then you will keep being her puppet. HURT HER FEELINGS? Are you kidding me with this? She's pisses on you daily and you are worried about her feelings. She's dumped you. She's treated you like a dog. She's told you she is embarrased by you. And you are worried you will hurt her feelings? Trust me, she won't be hurt, she'll only be hurt that she lost her puppet. What about your hurt? Did you forget about what you have been put through? iShe sleeps naked with me, she is not a slut guys, I know this woman. but it hurts so much, she hugs me and lets me kiss her some times but like I said earlier, I try to do everything for her, I tell her she I gorgeous and beatifull everytime I see her, continusally. I never have received a complement from her, only the reasons why she can not get back with me, always another reason why she cant get back with me but yet invites me down to spend the night with her or to watch a movie. I think she cares for me but she doesn't love me as she once did. I just don't know what to do, but I know to walk away is the right thing to do for me, and for her. The right thing to is to walk away but for YOU. if Even tonight she tells me she is waiting at her house for a guy she works with, as she brings and takes him to work (he works in same place) she tells me how guys ask her out at work on dates etc, which also hurts. Just wait...the moment she sets her sights on another guy, she going to kick you to the curb. You're the transition guy. The guy she uses until she finds someone that she likes or wants to be in a relationship with. Then you get tossed.
Author heartache25 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 The way you are behaving with this woman is ridiculous. Can you really not see how wrong this is? I know it is wrong man, I am a man and I should not chase her but it's to late, I did nothing but chase for 6 month, now I am treated more like **** I feel than I ever was but I just shrug it off, some times she asks me "What is wrong with you"? " we argue about this and you forget it 10 mins later and ask for a hug" that's cause I don't want trouble man, I don't want problems, I want my girl back, I TRY everything. I feel like a mug, she is always angry at me and I just shut up incase she tells me to go away, i'm afraid she will say that and block me again from all sites, what is wrong with me? is this my self estreem? I have trained at the gym, i'm a skinny guy, but I have trained for 3 years at my local gym, yet I have no self esteem, I see myself as a skinny ugly guy who can not get a women like this again.
michael-034 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Brother your self esteem, dignity and honor are leaving you. I learnt that you can lose honor, but you can't win honor.. Let it go. The time is still right. Stop ****ing around. Stop acting like a doormat. Don't be a doormat. You can do this. What you are doing now is just pulling yourself and your progress back a hundred steps.. Once she leaves you or ignores you completely, and I promise you that day will come, you will be heartbroken. Don't be that guy. Do this for yourself. Tell her honestly how you feel, and tell her, listen if you can't give me anything like this, then I don't want to see you. But I can tell you now she doesn't want you, she just uses you.. So I'd tell her to just leave me alone because I was in a healing progress, maybe when I (you) was better then we could be friends. Tell her that. Walk away with your dignity and honor intact. I promise you a time will come where you will laugh about the hurt you are feeling now, just like I am right now over my ex dumping me, but you will wish very much that you took the situation with dignity. I did not. Don't make the same mistake, respect yourself more than to be a doormat.. Don't be one of those guys.. You can do it, just have to believe in it and go strictly 100% NC 1
KBarletta Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 But I am worried to upset her, I don't want to upset her, although she was the one who left me and broke my heart. Bottom line: You need to stop worrying about her feelings and start worrying about your own. 1
Zahara Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Going to the gym isn't going to turn your self-esteem around. This isn't about the external but the internal. It would be in your best interest to see a counselor to try and help you sort yourself out emotionally and mentally. It's understandable for people to have an ending and go through some level of denial and difficulty detaching but the way you behave and continue to self-destruct in denial and obsession is appalling and very damaging. 1
Author heartache25 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 I have read all comments through guys/ladies, and I appreciate all comments, I know all of your comments are true but I am in denial, I would try everything for this women. I have no friends at all, she always compares me to my brother too, who has a good job and a nice car and gf, she always say "he treats his gf proper" and that hurts me too cause its my brother and I love him, he is my family, she does not like me family, from jealously. Guys she is a emotional girl, I hate to see her cry, although I am sitting here right now with tears strolling down my face, while she sleeps well as I said goodnight to her. She always says I don't show emotions, I try not to, she left me, I don't want to show the pain I am feeling in my heart, its truly hurting!!! I am crying like a little girl, I feel so ashamed. I just cant let go, although I know there is a women out there that can show me love, that wont hate the fact that I enjoy the cuddle and kiss and be close to my loved ones. I am so sad, I feel like joining the army full time, just to be deployed in Iraq/Syria, just to make her feel pain of knowing i'm away forever, and she wont see me again, but even then, the only person who stops me from joining the british army, is her, am scared she will miss me, why am I like this? Why am I putting her first in my life and thoughts when she left me? I don't want to see her hurt, even though all I feel is hurt and pain but I don't show her it.
Author heartache25 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 I tell this woman, eveytime I see her, she is the most beatfiull women I have ever met and will ever meet, she smiles so sweetly and that makes me happy to see her smile but I know she does not see my pain and hurt, I don't think she cares.
Satu Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 My nonsense overload alarm just went off. Goodbye thread.
Author heartache25 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 My nonsense overload alarm just went off. Goodbye thread. hey man, you can do what you like, you may think my story is full of ****, I am a human being who is in a deep problem, clearly my problems to not relate to you sir/madden and sorry that you can not relate, I hope this problem does not fall upon you, goodluck.
Zahara Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 You don't want to "hurt" her because you're afraid that anything that may have a possible negative effect on what you have with her now will destroy all hope you have of getting her back. So you walk on eggshells, puppet yourself, deny your feelings, suppress your hurt -- all to appease her and protect your "imagined" chances of possibly getting back with her. You hope your submissive behavior will show her how much you're willing to do for her in order for her to see your value. Unfortunately, you've disrespected yourself to such an unfortunate state that there is no coming back from that. She is never going to see you as a strong and independent man/partner but more so a weak, temporary stepping stone.
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