Three1 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 It's been a month since she broke up with me, i begged and tried to change her mind and did the i love you love you thing but since then I've been in NC for 3 weeks. 3 days after the break up she came and got all her stuff (we lived together) while i was at work but some stuff is still here. i figured she would be back to get it when she could but its been almost a month and its still there (its all together not in my way its in a room i don't use). Should i contact her to get her stuff? is that breaking no contact?
Author Three1 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 Yes, it does break NC. Not advisable. So just let her come get her stuff whenever?
d0nnivain Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 It is a form of contact but to me it's one of the limited exceptions. You need direct about what to do with the stuff. If you really can't handle talking to her, ask a friend to contact her & act as a go between.
coolheadal Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 NC is in effect! Never beg or say Love stuff after a breakup because whatever happen has happen. You can't change her mind nor can she change you. She got what she could take and left the rest. After 90 days bag-up her things and give it to good well or whoever will take it. Move on and get on with your life. She's not thinking about you anymore. You need to do the same. First pull yourself together. Wait a while before you find someone else. If it happens, it happens if you do find someone quick. Make sure the next girl is on "THE SAME PAGE" as you! This tends to get over looked by everyone. She should be really digging you and the same with you with her. Love should take it time and the I love you and in love with you will follow. Girls who can't say thing have issues with behavior from past relationships so look out for those signs too. Just place it same on the next relationship. 1
Zahara Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 It's been a month since she broke up with me, i begged and tried to change her mind and did the i love you love you thing but since then I've been in NC for 3 weeks. 3 days after the break up she came and got all her stuff (we lived together) while i was at work but some stuff is still here. i figured she would be back to get it when she could but its been almost a month and its still there (its all together not in my way its in a room i don't use). Should i contact her to get her stuff? is that breaking no contact? No, you don't let her get her stuff whenever. Her stuff keeps you in limbo. Box it all up and have a friend drop it off at her home. If you can't then have a friend contact her and let her know that she needs to get the stuff out by X date. Stop being a storage unit for her. If they are small items that can be dropped in the mail, then do that. There is really no need to contact her. 2
Aphrodite151 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Yes, you should get rid of her stuff. It will give you both more closure. If you have any mutual friends, arrange it through them, so that you don't have to directly be in touch with her. If that's not possible, maybe arrange to drop it off at her house when she is not there, or have someone you know drop it off to her. Make sure you are not doing this as a way to try to see or reconnect with her. If you're not feeling good about this yet, wait a few months and put the stuff in the back of a closet where you don't have to look at it ever.
Author Three1 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 Yes, you should get rid of her stuff. It will give you both more closure. If you have any mutual friends, arrange it through them, so that you don't have to directly be in touch with her. If that's not possible, maybe arrange to drop it off at her house when she is not there, or have someone you know drop it off to her. Make sure you are not doing this as a way to try to see or reconnect with her. If you're not feeling good about this yet, wait a few months and put the stuff in the back of a closet where you don't have to look at it ever. ok, we broke up 5 days after christmas...should i give back the gifts she got me (they are clothes i won't wear) BTW she left 2/3 gifts i got her
fluidian Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 I'd play nice - just tell her that you're cleaning your place and that you found a bunch of her items. Maybe briefly mention what they are and tell her that if she doesn't come get them in a week or two (set a specific date), that you'll get rid of the stuff, or alternatively propose a day/time when you'll drop it off, or arrange friends to do so. No contact is really meant as part of a healing process for you - I don't think telling her that you're moving on, changing your life, and that you want to get rid of her stuff is really going to be a bad thing. She may genuinely not know her stuff is still there. Don't read too much into it dude...simply telling her that it's there is just a courtesy...it's not like you're asking to chat, try to resolve the issues, or get back together. You can even try to make intentional arrangements such that you don't need to see each other. It's just the right thing and part of being a good person...
jordjones Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Why do you need to see her at all? If you were together that long, you definitely have mutual friends that could handle this. In my opinion, you should just drop the stuff off on her front doorstep. Leave it there with no note, no text, no nothing. It's the best play for both any chance at getting back and for you to avoid a setback.
Author Three1 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 Why do you need to see her at all? If you were together that long, you definitely have mutual friends that could handle this. In my opinion, you should just drop the stuff off on her front doorstep. Leave it there with no note, no text, no nothing. It's the best play for both any chance at getting back and for you to avoid a setback. She lives an hour and a half away so mutual friends is impossible, and from the previous commenter..she knows there is more stuff (it was all in the same room she took most of her stuff from the first time)
mightycpa Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) She lives an hour and a half away so mutual friends is impossible, and from the previous commenter..she knows there is more stuff (it was all in the same room she took most of her stuff from the first time) You're making excuses AND you're grasping at straws. 1) Pack her stuff into a box and get a friend and drive over there. Drop him off to put it on her doorstep, and drive a couple houses down the street to wait for your buddy. Then leave. You have two goals: a) Give her back her stuff. b) No contact. 2) If you can return the gifts you gave her to the store, do it. If you can't, sell them. If you can't, or if you don't want to bother, give them away. You don't need any reminders hanging around. 3) Ditto with the clothes she got you. This will not provide you with any closure, but it will provide you with a sense of finality. That's what you need right now. You spend a lot of time looking backwards. You need to start looking forward. This will help with that. If you're committed to your own well-being, you can get all of this done by the end of the week. Edited February 3, 2015 by mightycpa 1
OK_computer Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Ever thought maybe she got all what she wanted? I've done that before, where i've taken what i've wanted when i moved out and left behind stuff that I didn't, assuming that they'd just get rid of it. You have to stop looking for reasons to contact her, there are NONE. If you really want as the others have said, mail it to her, or have a friend drop it off. Otherwise if you really want to make sure she gets her stuff back (which if it's been a month i'm sure she doesn't give a dam about what she left) drive over there put it by her front door, and wall the heck away. The point is NC is NC. It's not some Atkins Diet or Southbeach diet that you can just break when you feel like having a 'taste of the good stuff' again. It's serious, and it means business. The person is dead to you and so are his or her belongings. That is the outlook people need to envision, not saying you are not, but take it to the next level, NC is a serious matter. It's not something that is to be done for a couple of weeks or months, only to refract. Hope this helps. Drop it off at her door ring the bell and walk away, or drop it at her door, and walk away. No need to contact, ever, for life, etc.
Zahara Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 She lives an hour and a half away so mutual friends is impossible, and from the previous commenter..she knows there is more stuff (it was all in the same room she took most of her stuff from the first time) You're looking for excuses to make contact. Pack it all in your car. You drive. Take a friend. Have him drop it off at her doorstep. Drive off.
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