Victimology of the betrayed spouse??? What do BS's have in common?

[autumnnight]

I think most of us have many if not most of those issues on that list at some point in our life....so that would pretty much include all of mankind ....and eliminate most everyone as a prospective spouse.

 

Maybe the smart thing would be to remain single and celibate.

 

Actually I think the point is a lot of people think they are above having any of those issues.

 

IMO that is the most dangerous person of all.

[BetrayedH]

I'm quite late to the thread and haven't read it all.

 

I saw a lot on the first page that points to too much trust, being gullible, being naive, being too nice, etc..

 

As a former BS, I can relate to those feelings. No one likes to be made a fool but most of us were.

 

That said, a former poster (Decorative) once pointed out a great study on lying and lying detection. The initial point of the study was to try to determine if any methods of lying detection were reliable. The study failed in that regard but did come to one interesting conclusion. They determined that liars were more successful with those who had known them longer (or to a lesser extent, those that knew them more intimately). It turns out that the better you know someone, the higher chance that they could successfully lie to you (or you to them).

 

It makes sense then that spouses could successfully lie to us. It also makes sense that we'd feel more devastated.

 

I don't feel that I was naive or gullible. I think my wife took advantage of the fact that I trusted her. Congrats to her.

 

As usual, I think her decision to cheat speaks about her, not about me.

[justa_guy]

Hi,

 

For me personally, I've been cheated on quite a bit, my partner selection has consisted of diagnosed Bi-polars, sociopaths and Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

The reason I've sought this out is because I had low self esteem issues and was diagnosed as a co-dependent.

Psychologist said I was trying to resolve/fix my childhood by subconsciously choosing unhealthy relationships, and attracting the dark triad.

 

For me having co-dependent traits certainly makes someone more susceptible to being the BS, as not only do you seek the traits Seachan mentioned above, but have a target on your back to the same group.

 

On a positive note, I'm aware of my downfalls and have worked through most issues, also knowing the traits of personality disorders is helping me to navigate towards healthier people and set up proper boundaries.

 

Basically it comes down to cheaters often having lack of empathy and a great sense of entitlement, while BS display the opposite

Edited February 23, 2015 by justa_guy