sprater Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Hello everyone, I'll make this short and sweet so hopefully I'll get someone's advice on where I should go from here. I got into a romantic relationship with my boss... She is in a 9 year relationship with another woman. Although she has been cheating on this woman with other men previously, none have ended her extended relationship with this other Woman. On my note, she claims it is different. She had broken up with her (and still claims to be broken up with her) once I gave her the last "decision".. she chose me. Although, two days later she moved back into the home because "she had nowhere else to go". This Woman is very controlling/abusive, so I could not see my "boss" or "significant other" outside of work. That's the only time we got to spend with each other. Breaks, lunches. Well, months and months pass and she "still needs time".... So I finally told her that I can no longer be her second priority. I told her she must choose. Now it is all or nothing, because it is unfair to me. Me giving her my all, her giving me the tiniest part of her. She cannot even text/talk to me outside of working hours.. and if they are broken up, her ex should still not control her like this.. although I relatively understand "keeping the peace" since it's a domestic violence type of situation. So, I reiterate she's my boss, so I report to her. I work in a call-center environment, and I sit next to her. So distancing myself isn't an option, unfortunately. I can't change shifts because it wouldn't work with my lifestyle and I couldn't switch supervisors because she is the only one in my department on my shift (3rds). And I kind of want to stay on good terms just in case she chooses me. She told me she would search her heart and take a plunge for whomever she chooses she wants to be with. So I am giving her time, but I am not hers any longer. She will come back to me if she loves me. However, we were having a normal conversation, and at the end of the conversation she said "I love you", and I returned with the same words. Where should I draw the line, so she no longer sees me as her "backup plan" or "second choice"? I would consider telling any of my exes currently that I still love them, so I'm feeling this one shouldn't be any different.. although I still love her, I just made this huge step within the past couple of days so all of this is fresh. I didn't know if I should lay boundaries saying that she shouldn't tell me she loves or misses me until it is shown (by leaving her partner, or kicking her partner out in this instance)... or what I should do? There are so many things that are going for me, for her potentially choosing to be with me. Although, I feel the one thing/reason why she has been in this relationship for so long is because she is comfortable, and because she feeds on the drama within the relationship. Why else would anyone stay in an abusive, mentally and physically, relationship for that long? Because they feed off the drama, I suppose? But anyway... question is just where is the line drawn, and how is the line drawn? Thanks, Scott
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