FaithInTheDark Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Hi So I decided to try the online dating thing. And been talking to a cute guy. We've beden texting and he asked me out for dinner. The date happens to fall on Valentine's day ... Anyways he told me his last relationship was a month ago and he said he was engaged to this girl. But she cheated on him and he wants to get back out in the dating world. This feels a bit of a red flag since I'm clearly the rebound girl. I creeped his Facebook and saw him and this girl were definitely in s serious relationship ...by the looks of their pictures together and I noticed they're still Facebook friends. I don't want to write him off before meeting him and he's making the effort for this date ie: set up a dinner resverations at a really nice place downtown. And I feel it would be nice to have a date of valentines day. Just wondering how I should go about this kind of thing, I'm a little wary if he's still seeing this old gf or something as well. I've been extremely let down by guys in the past and really trying to break this pattern. Any thoughts?
Cailinsona Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Definite red flag! If you really like this guy, I would suggest continuing contact as a friend and letting him know that you would like to get to know him on this basis initially. If all goes well, then what is the harm in waiting a few months before starting a relationship? Something similar happened to my sister. Her now husband asked her on a date fresh out of a serious relationship. She declined his offer (in a nice way!) and told him that if he was still interested in dating three months down the line then she would be open to it. Good luck, whatever you decide
Jessie1231 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Yes that's a red flag. I met my last boyfriend and started dating him because he had been separated since March (this was September). Found out after three dates and many lunch dates and constant texting and talking that he had never actually separated. They had decided to separate in March but he was still in the process of moving out. I lost it and ended things, but within a week he invited me over to show he really had moved out and he apologized for not being more honest about it. He said their marriage had been dead for a long time, so emotionally he was ready to date. I believed him - big mistake. I won't get into all the details, but that guy was a total train wreck and I felt horrible for not running as fast as I could when I realized he was literally straight out of his marriage. Because of his issues from being so newly single, we broke up fairly quickly. Maybe he would have been a train wreck a year from now. I don't know. But I wish I had thought it through a little better. The guy could be wonderful so no need to never speak to him again. But maybe have a friendship for a while so you can make sure you're not just a rebound girl.
d0nnivain Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Guard your heart. Go on the date but remind yourself that this guy is no where near emotionally ready to date. You are a place holder at best. The reason I say go is it sounds like you could both use the "practice"
Gaeta Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Abort and go to next. That is exactly why I cannot find a good man to date on there. It's a like a big convention for men recently out of relationships. This man was engaged 1 month ago, he should be sitting in a corner somewhere sobbing his loss not on a dating site. He's putting a band-aid on his pain, that's a temporary fix, it will eventually catch up to him and you will be the one to pay the price. In 6 months or so after poring your heart to this man he'll give you the 'it's not you it's me I am not ready'.
kendahke Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Hi So I decided to try the online dating thing. And been talking to a cute guy. We've beden texting and he asked me out for dinner. The date happens to fall on Valentine's day ... Anyways he told me his last relationship was a month ago and he said he was engaged to this girl. But she cheated on him and he wants to get back out in the dating world. This feels a bit of a red flag since I'm clearly the rebound girl. I creeped his Facebook and saw him and this girl were definitely in s serious relationship ...by the looks of their pictures together and I noticed they're still Facebook friends. I don't want to write him off before meeting him and he's making the effort for this date ie: set up a dinner resverations at a really nice place downtown. And I feel it would be nice to have a date of valentines day. Just wondering how I should go about this kind of thing, I'm a little wary if he's still seeing this old gf or something as well. I've been extremely let down by guys in the past and really trying to break this pattern. Any thoughts? Only view him as a friend right now. Don't allow your heart to get ahead of your head. Don't have sex with him unless you are extremely clear in your head about what it does and doesn't mean. If you just want to scratch an itch, then understand that that is all it is. Don't let him get ahead of himself right now. He is really not in a position to enter into the rigors of a new relationship. He may be dealing with anger issues right now and trying to use you to retaliate against his ex.
veggirl Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 You are wasting your time w/ him. Frankly I'd be so turned off by a guy that fresh out of engagement trying to "date" new girls already. I wonder the % of OLD users who are just rebounding / looking for self-esteem boosts. Gotta be at least half. If you've been very let down in the past you certainly aren't learning your lesson if you are entertaining this guy.
angel.eyes Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 I've been extremely let down by guys in the past and really trying to break this pattern. Any thoughts? A critical part of not repeatedly ending up with guys who disappoint, is picking the right guys to date. You're failing at this big-time. Stop gravitating towards the wrong guys...this guy being Exhibit A! If you're looking for someone to date with an eye to a relationship, this guy won't be it. Regardless of what he may tell you, he's in no shape to be looking for another relationship. He hasn't processed the end of his last relationship...so expect to be a rebound if you allow yourself to be swept away by him--amazing start and then summarily dumped when his breakup finally hits him. Lather. Rinse. Repeat...until you finally learn your lesson. 1
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