venusai Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 So I don't know if anyone will actually read this, but I just really want to get it off my chest and maybe get some advice on the way. I am a bisexual female. I have had 2 relationships in my life, one with a man and the second with a woman. Before me, my ex had viewed herself as completely heterosexual. We met in college, are best friends, and were together on and off for 4-5 years. It's difficult to say the exact time, since we started out simply hooking up and even opening wing-womaning each other for dates and such and it wasn't until 3 years down the line that we realized that we were in love with each other (that's a whole other mess of a story for another time). However, right after confessing to each other, I moved away from about a year for my job, before finally moving back and beginning the first serious leg of our relationship. We were in a serious relationship together for half a year, before I once again had to move away for my job - this time across the globe though to China. Due to the fact that we had been in the closet for so long while we were hooking up, none of our mutual closest friends knew of our relationship, and in fact only the people who were around us during the 6 months were aware that we were together. After I moved to China, we continued dating long distance for another half year, before she finally called and said that this was getting too difficult. We still loved each other, were still best friends, but as I had no plans on moving back to the states within the year and she had no plans of moving to China, we decided to end our relationship, but remain friends. We have an iMessage thread with our closest college friends and keep in touch regularly through it. A couple months later, our friends on the thread (who don't know about our past relationship) ask her about her dating life. She private messages me and asks if I mind. Naively, I think it's only been 2 months and told her to spill her guts and go for it. Turns out she's ready to start dating again. She signed up for Tinder and had started going on dates. None of them to any result though, so I didn't mind the messages and in fact got quite some laughs from the ridiculous Tinder dates. However, a week ago, she messaged the thread telling us about this "amazing guy" who is "exactly what she imagined a boyfriend to be like" that she has been dating for the past 2 weeks. She said they really connected, that he's actually the one asking to wait and not push go for sex even though they met via Tinder, but that they've hooked up multiple times. Under the urging of our friends in the thread (you know how girls are), she even went to details. This past weekend she spent the majority of the weekend at his place cooking and prepping for the Super Bowl viewing, where she met his friends. She's completely over the moon and even sent us a picture, saying "meet my Valentine." In the years that we were together, we've never spent a single Valentines together, nor has she ever referred to me as her "date," unless it was jokingly. I know that I should be moving on, that I should be happy that my best friend has found someone, that she's happy. And I don't want to make our friend group awkward by ignoring her or making a scene, since they don't know about our history. I feel like a horrible friend. Also due to circumstances, I'm not actually currently available to go out and date to help me move on. Work takes up the majority of my time, and I am also applying for grad school starting this fall, so don't want to get into a relationship only for me to move away again. If anyone has any ideas, advice, or whatever, I'd be more than happy to read about it. Thank you all in advance, and sorry this is so horrendously long. -V
kendahke Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 I would advise clicking off of her feeds so that you don't get notifications on your wall from when she posts on hers. That way, if you're not ready to unfriend or block her, you can at least spare yourself the pain of seeing her move on. You need some time off of social media to get over the demise of your romantic relationship with her and ease back into a platonic friendship. You can't do that if you're constantly pulling darts out of your heart.
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