mortensorchid Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 In the last three weeks, I've gone out with this guy I met through mutual friends. He's a good conversationalist, in general seems like a good guy based on the little I know about him. Problem? He's ... A loser. He has no job, he's dedicating himself to working on his book, living rent free with his elderly father. He's 48. He's a dirty scene boy, an older dirty scene boy. He doesn't try to act like he's 16, he has grey hair and doesn't dress half his age like some of them do. I say I am not interested because I want a man who has more going for him than being a dirty scene boy who doesn't have it together. He's a good guy otherwise, but I don't want to get into it if he has nothing going for him or hasn't gotten it together. Plus, like I said in earlier posts, I have given up on finding a man at all. It's not a good idea to settle for Mr. Available just because he's available. What do I do/say? 1
writergal Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Stop communicating with him? Send him a "Dear Dirty Scene Boy" email? Wish him luck in life and then delete him from your social media and let your mutual friends know that you've crossed him off your dating list? You don't owe him anything more than a brief "I'm no longer interested."
angel.eyes Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Be direct about ending it, but keep it simple: "You seem like a wonderful guy, but unfortunately I don't see us going any further." Ideally, three dates in, you should have said this in person (so, at the end of the last date). Since that didn't happen, when he attempts to set up the next date, just inform him during a phone call. Don't waste his time going on a fourth date. Out of curiosity, what is a dirty scene boy? I googled the term, but came up empty.
Toodaloo Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Well its only a few dates so if I were you just say that you really don't see things developing between you and that you don't want to see him again. No need to be hurtful or start a your this and that conversation with him. Just say no. I don't know what a dirty scene boy is either but am also not really sure that I want to...
Toodaloo Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 I googled the term, but came up empty. I got some porn when I googled it!
SycamoreCircle Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Hmm... -Good guy. -Doesn't want a job. -Dedicates his time to writing a book. -Lives rent free. -Takes care of his father. Yep, sounds like a loser.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Wait.....by "dirty scene boy" do you mean like....the infamous 'scene kids' of the like, mid 2000s? If so wow, really? At 48? I mean, I know a mid 30s goth but good lord, SCENE? Anyway, as far as what you say to him? Just say you're incompatible. Hell, it's true enough anyway. If he asks how, tell him that while you like him as a person, your lifestyles just don't match up. No need to state he has "nothing going for him" because that's subjective.
elaine567 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 QUOTE]How do I tell him I'm not interested? By calling him up or speaking to him over a coffee perhaps and saying you are not interested in pursuing anything romantic any further. Direct and to the point, leave no room for ambiguity. Don't be nasty, but make sure he gets the message and don't give in to pleading or lose your nerve, as you will regret it later. I wouldn't mention he is "a loser" in your eyes, as that is unnecessarily cruel even if it is true.
elaine567 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 You never know though, his book may be a literary masterpiece, he may not actually turn out to be the loser you think he is. 2
Standard-Fare Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Yeah, just be straight with him -- tell him he's a good guy, but you don't see anything more than friendship happening. I think email would be fine at this stage of the game. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that. Don't attack his character. It does sound like the two of you could potentially be friends, if you both happen to be interested in that.
Standard-Fare Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 ever notice which gender calls members of the other gender a loser for no reason? You're totally right. 48 years old with no job and no home of his own, living with his parent, still concerned with being part of a "scene"... he sounds like a real catch.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 I agree that a simple "I don't see this going anywhere" type of message will suffice.
Imported Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 yet every day there's a girl who keeps going back to the guy who abused her. that guy who beats his girlfriend, that's a loser. No ****, a guy that beats girls is a loser too. Hey, how about the crazy virgins boys that blow up and starts shooting people around them? Lets compare to that too. A nearly 50 year old guy with no job or any form of income, living off his parents, with his head in the clouds about writing a book that he'll probably never publish assuming he ever writes it, is a loser. I would bet he is not writing a book, it's just something to say to make it sound like he's not a loser. I have sisters and nieces, I sure as hell wouldn't want this loser getting with my family members and anchoring them down to an abysmal life of...not even mediocrity, but a complete and total fail.
oberkeat Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 You never know though, his book may be a literary masterpiece, he may not actually turn out to be the loser you think he is. Until said book materializes and is on the bestseller list, he's still a loser.
applej4 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) You never know though, his book may be a literary masterpiece, he may not actually turn out to be the loser you think he is. You're kidding, right?And he (or any of us in this thread) might win the powerball lottery. Is OP supposed to keep dating him while she waits for that to happen?? Nah. Surely he could get a job - fast food, janitorial, temp work - and earn money while he's working on his book. That's what other aspiring authors do. Instead, he's 48 and lives off his dad. L-o-s-e-r. Edited February 3, 2015 by applej4
applej4 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 what makes so much better than him? what have you done? i served my country in the us military but that doesnt necessarily make me any better than a guy who is in a different walk of life. Well, what I've done is none of your business. Suffice it to say I've worked since I was 16, put myself thre college, had my own income, savings, car, and place to live since I was 21. So you were in the military - great. That has no relevance to the discussion. Living with parents at age 48 with no income and claiming to be writing a book is not exactly a "walk of life". Find someone else to debate with about whatever point it is you're trying to make. Have a nice day.
mightycpa Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Are you sure you're not tossing away a closeted millionaire? Before you dump him, ask him to do something totally expensive, and split the cost.
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