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Is a month enough time to determine whether you want to be exclusive with the person?

girlywoman25

By girlywoman25
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girlywoman25 Established Member

girlywoman25

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I met this guy from Okcupid after chatting on and off for a few months. We lost contact then reconnected. We met last week, he was shy at first but began to open up more. We are going on a second date pretty soon. I have a good feeling about this guy and feel we might be compatible. I don't want to rush into a relationship. I want to take things slow and have fun and take my time to get to know who he really is. I been hurt a couple times in the past so I don't want to get my feelings too involved.

Pinkdisney Established Member

Pinkdisney

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I met this guy from Okcupid after chatting on and off for a few months. We lost contact then reconnected. We met last week, he was shy at first but began to open up more. We are going on a second date pretty soon. I have a good feeling about this guy and feel we might be compatible. I don't want to rush into a relationship. I want to take things slow and have fun and take my time to get to know who he really is. I been hurt a couple times in the past so I don't want to get my feelings too involved.

 

If it's only 2 dates as you mentioned this month - NO

 

I think the 2 month rule is about right, if you see each other frequently (1-2x a week) and talk almost daily, not just texting.

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adiamond Established Member

adiamond

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I think ask after 5 dates with daily texting in between should be okay.

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Blehh New Member

Blehh

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I don't recommend starting an exclusive relationship with someone at just a month.

Let him open up to you more through some more dates, so yeah you're on the right track with wanting to take it more slow!

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paigej91 Established Member

paigej91

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After only 2 dates, no. A month is a short amount of time, in my opinion. Unless you're seeing each other every 2-3 days. But then again, sometimes you just have a strong feeling/intuition. So it's hard to say.

 

Go with your gut, but also make sure it's logical :)

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Yookie Established Member

Yookie

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Wait long enough to see how he reacts to adverse situations, then decide if he is the type of person you want to be involved with.

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girlywoman25 Established Member

girlywoman25

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I think ask after 5 dates with daily texting in between should be okay.
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He always message me on Facebook.

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mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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I'd say a month, 4-6 weeks is enough time to determine if you want to be with that person or not.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Some people can figure this out in a few minutes. Others take longer. There is no magic calendar.

 

 

After a month of steady dating, 1-2 dates per week, I could absolutely tell if I wanted to be exclusive. After 2 dates in 1 month, having met on OLD, it's waaaaayyyy too soon to even be thinking about exclusivity.

 

 

As a woman, if you tell this guy after only 2 dates that you want to be exclusive, he's most likely going to think you are a clingy nut & will break land speed records running away from you.

 

 

Given your slow pace of meetings, you need a combo of time plus dates; I'd suggest no sooner than 12 dates at 2.5 months, whichever is later.

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guest569 Established Member

guest569

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I dont think so, not after having met the man just once. You're right to take things slowly and see what happens.

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girlywoman25 Established Member

girlywoman25

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Some people can figure this out in a few minutes. Others take longer. There is no magic calendar.

 

 

After a month of steady dating, 1-2 dates per week, I could absolutely tell if I wanted to be exclusive. After 2 dates in 1 month, having met on OLD, it's waaaaayyyy too soon to even be thinking about exclusivity.

 

 

As a woman, if you tell this guy after only 2 dates that you want to be exclusive, he's most likely going to think you are a clingy nut & will break land speed records running away from you.

 

 

Given your slow pace of meetings, you need a combo of time plus dates; I'd suggest no sooner than 12 dates at 2.5 months, whichever is later.

 

I ask because he was ready to make it exclusive. I told him I wanted to get to know him about him before making that decision. I really do like him and he feels the same about me. I don't see a rush to get into a relationship. If its meant to be it will happen

deathandtaxes Established Member

deathandtaxes

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Don't conflate being exclusive with being committed.

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mysteryscape Established Member

mysteryscape

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I met this guy from Okcupid after chatting on and off for a few months. We lost contact then reconnected. We met last week, he was shy at first but began to open up more. We are going on a second date pretty soon. I have a good feeling about this guy and feel we might be compatible. I don't want to rush into a relationship. I want to take things slow and have fun and take my time to get to know who he really is. I been hurt a couple times in the past so I don't want to get my feelings too involved.

 

If you're really interested in him, why bother with others? You will just be leading them on, and endangering your relationship with the one you are really interested in.

 

By the way, you don't have to jump into a "relationship," whatever that means, at any particular point in time. If "relationship" to you means having intercourse with him, that doesn't have to mean at the point in time when you are "exclusive."

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girlywoman25 Established Member

girlywoman25

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If you're really interested in him, why bother with others? You will just be leading them on, and endangering your relationship with the one you are really interested in.

 

By the way, you don't have to jump into a "relationship," whatever that means, at any particular point in time. If "relationship" to you means having intercourse with him, that doesn't have to mean at the point in time when you are "exclusive."

 

Well I want to make sure I choose the right person to get into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and don't want to get my feelings too involved just in case it doesn't work out. I used to do that and don't want to make the same mistake.

mysteryscape Established Member

mysteryscape

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Well I want to make sure I choose the right person to get into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and don't want to get my feelings too involved just in case it doesn't work out. I used to do that and don't want to make the same mistake.

 

Those are good things to be worried about, I just think they aren't the same as the question of "exclusivity." It is perfectly possible to be seeing just one person and still hold back (to some extent) one's feelings. It's also quite possible to be seeing several people, but still to get badly hurt by one of them.

 

I think if you want to see several people, it's a good idea to let all of them know, so that nobody has any misunderstanding.

 

I don't know if you and the guy you are really interested in have talked about this, but I would.

 

I have some experience of both types of situations, the only thing I would insist is necessary is honesty and openness about what is going and what expectations are.

 

Personally, if I was really interested in one person, and it was reciprocated, I don't see how I could much time or interest for the others. And it would be the same no matter how many dates had occurred.

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Dybbuk Established Member

Dybbuk

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I really wouldn't put a lot of thought in becoming 'exclusive' just yet. While you guys have talked to each other via impersonal methods like email/text/FB, face to face interaction is where you really start getting to know a person and unfortunately you two only have two dates under your belt. Wait a little bit longer. Usually by date 3 people make up their minds if they like that person enough to continue seeing them, by date 5 you have a much better idea if you really want to continue investing time in that person.

 

Exclusivity happens when both of you feel it's ready to happen. I personally let the guy make the call because like you said you don't want to 'rush' anything if he's not ready. My BF asked for exclusivity after one month/5 dates (1 date per week). All exclusive meant for us is we only saw each other, and cut off contact with anyone else we were dating. I know a lot of people aren't fans of multi-dating, but I highly encourage it so people don't get discouraged when things don't work out. For me it helped to know I had options and if one guy wasn't working out/didn't treat me right I cut him loose. After one more month of seeing each other (we started spending 2-3 days a week together), we became more serious and slept with each other after 2 months and started calling each other BF/GF.

 

No magic number, no magic rule. People need to get to these points at their own pace, and I feel that if things are going well then ENJOY IT! :D Don't get too hung up on "when is this going to happen", it will if things are going well and feeling right. Just let it happen in it's own time.

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girlywoman25 Established Member

girlywoman25

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Those are good things to be worried about, I just think they aren't the same as the question of "exclusivity." It is perfectly possible to be seeing just one person and still hold back (to some extent) one's feelings. It's also quite possible to be seeing several people, but still to get badly hurt by one of them.

 

I think if you want to see several people, it's a good idea to let all of them know, so that nobody has any misunderstanding.

 

I don't know if you and the guy you are really interested in have talked about this, but I would.

 

I have some experience of both types of situations, the only thing I would insist is necessary is honesty and openness about what is going and what expectations are.

 

Personally, if I was really interested in one person, and it was reciprocated, I don't see how I could much time or interest for the others. And it would be the same no matter how many dates had occurred.

 

He is the only person I'm seeing right now.

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mysteryscape Established Member

mysteryscape

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He is the only person I'm seeing right now.

 

Do you want to see other people? It doesn't sound like it. How about him?

 

If you only want to see him, if he isn't and doesn't want to be seeing others -- I would sound him out on this before too long -- then what is the big deal with just doing what you already want to do?

 

You can take it easy with him alone without going head over heels. In fact, in my experience, "seeing" multiple people doesn't really help that much with that problem.

 

Again, in my opinion, holding back is what you need to do, being "officially exclusive" is not that big a part of it. Especially if that is what you are doing naturally anyway.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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You do as you wish.

 

If you are both into each other and lost desire to meet other people then by all mean date each other exclusively. It does not mean you are officially bf-gf, it just means you will concentrate on each other only to get to know each other better.

 

Dating someone exclusively is not a commitment. If you discover you don't like then you set him free. Even gf-bf is not a commitment, it's still dating and if your bf or gf turn out to be not so great you set them free. That's what dating is about.

 

My last boyfriend asked me to be official on our 4th date. I was thrilled.

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girlywoman25 Established Member

girlywoman25

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Do you want to see other people? It doesn't sound like it. How about him?

 

If you only want to see him, if he isn't and doesn't want to be seeing others -- I would sound him out on this before too long -- then what is the big deal with just doing what you already want to do?

 

You can take it easy with him alone without going head over heels. In fact, in my experience, "seeing" multiple people doesn't really help that much with that problem.

 

Again, in my opinion, holding back is what you need to do, being "officially exclusive" is not that big a part of it. Especially if that is what you are doing naturally anyway.

 

I don't think I want to see other people and I assuming he doesn't either. Great advice!

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girlywoman25 Established Member

girlywoman25

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You do as you wish.

 

If you are both into each other and lost desire to meet other people then by all mean date each other exclusively. It does not mean you are officially bf-gf, it just means you will concentrate on each other only to get to know each other better.

 

Dating someone exclusively is not a commitment. If you discover you don't like then you set him free. Even gf-bf is not a commitment, it's still dating and if your bf or gf turn out to be not so great you set them free. That's what dating is about.

 

My last boyfriend asked me to be official on our 4th date. I was thrilled.

 

You're right I never thought of it that way

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