chuckkarev Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 So I posted my situation a couple of months ago: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/504040-i-need-support-how-forget-my-fiance-s-ex As of today, things are much worse, sadly...I have been borderline suicidal lately, but am alright now. I have been having many fights with my fiancé after her admiting that her virginity was compromised last year. For the record, we are both devout Christians originally from a country in E Europe . One night I was accusing her that she has no morals for having sex with a married man, and that he was a manipulative jerk. She told me then that our engagement is over, that the only reason she wanted to marry me anyway was to get her green card, and that I should stop talking about her ex because I can't even compare to him in any way.. Then she hung up the phone and stopped answering my calls and texts. Needless to say, at that point I became desperate and did not know what to do anymore. I thought of terrible things but thankfully I was able to get past it. Today, she called me back after 2 weeks of me desperately calling her everyday and said that she needed time but she is still my fiancé and will marry me. What advice do you have for me now? I am so confused, but really want to make this work with her.
WhiteWingedDove Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 (edited) I'm sorry you got to feeling so low.. but very glad you snapped out of it. No One is worth taking your life for.. No One, not ever. Anyway. Be very careful. What you see in your fiance now is *who she is*.. believe that. Don't ignore big issues that separate you two, by which i mean, that show you hold different value systems. BE SURE you can accept the person she is Right This Minute, before you are married. Don't make my mistake.. of ignoring things I knew were problems and getting married anyway. It has not gone well for me. Follow your heart, AND your instincts. EDITED to say, ok now I went back and read the original post. OK now I'm a bit conflicted..... as I don't really understand the chaste before marriage standard, myself, and I feel bad for her over your reaction from your first post. BUT. What you've written here, now, sounds like she retaliated on you in a really mean spirited way, so.... I feel your pain. It does sound like your values don't mesh. But if you want to pursue her... you guys REALLY need to hash this out now, not later. Edited February 2, 2015 by WhiteWingedDove
ArtsAndCrafts Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Sorry, but it's not going to work with you two. You have been brow beating this woman ever since you found out about her past. You've been "slut shaming" her. You are unable to move past this. And she finally got ticked off at you constantly berating her and she lashed out at you. The damage you've done to each other is irreparable, in my opinion. You go find yourself a virgin and let who go find a man who won't throw her past in her face all the time. 5
Mr. Lucky Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 What advice do you have for me now? I am so confused, but really want to make this work with her. Based on the feelings you stated in your previous thread, why would you want to marry her? Must be other girls out there that meet your personal and cultural standards. She clearly doesn't... Mr. Lucky
MJJean Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Her sins are between her and God alone. If she made a mistake and repented of her mistake with firm intention to never commit that kind of mistake again then it's not your place to judge her or shame her. If you cannot leave her past in the past then the best thing for both of you is to end the relationship. And by leaving the past in the past I mean never bringing it up to her in anger or judgement ever again for the rest of your lives.
MissLilly Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 You don't respect her. You are blaming her for a (bad) choice she did in the past and she can do nothing about this now, as they didn't invent the time machine yet. I don't see anything wrong with your beliefs, or your choice. But you want something from her she can't give you anymore. I think the best thing for you to do, if your convictions are stronger than your love for her, is to find somebody who fits best your interests, and let her find someone who will accept her as she is. It's not fair to marry her and blame her everyday for a mistake i bet she wants to forget. I'm not religious but as far as i remember Jesus told us to forgive and to love. 1
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