Crampaholic Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Hi everyone! I am new here, found this place today.. Just browsing. I was having a crisis and reading some of the threads have calmed me a bit. So.. I am going through a breakup process, it has been over a month and it has been extremely difficult. *sigh*. I met her (Camila) more than two years ago, through my then best friend. My friend liked her and eventually they dated briefly. Camila and I became really close and we talked to each other everyday.. We started developing feelings for each other till one day we kissed. She broke it off with my friend right away. I told my friend that camila and I will give it a try and that I wanted her to find out through me. Of course our friendship stopped, obviously because of that but there were also other issues for the friendship to get damaged. Anyway, everything with camila was perfect, I had never felt that way for someone before, she was the world to me, however I was always insecure, always thought she could leave me.. I guess it was my guilt.. I always thought she could do what we did to my friend to me. In the beginning love was stronger... But eventually fights grew stronger.. Mostly over jealousy, insecurity... I became someone possessive, controlling.. I pictured her with everyone.. It was awful, I just couldn't control myself. The last 5 months, it grew worse... We had awful arguments, where I insulted her, told her awful things... I just wanted to hurt her because I couldn't stand my paranoia. December was our last month together, and it involved the worse epiodes of our relationship. I got too drunk and ruined her birthday... I pushed her really hard. We stayed together for like 2 weeks after that, but the damage was done. I regret it so much... Destroying us. This feeling is awful. The fighting, the jealousy, the controlling... It threw her off... She became more distant... We hardly kissed... And I could feel that I was losing her. She asked for time so she could think things over.. She told me she felt stuck and that she didn't feel the same anymore. I gave her the space.. But eventually she made up her mind and left me. I have been going to the psychologist, and I have realized so much is wrong with me, however I do want to change and get better, for myself, for my future relationships. With camila, I tried blocking her from everything, but last week her mother talked to me (she cares a lot about me) and told me camila's grandfather had passed away... So I sent her a message via a common friend. I also tried reaching her via whatsapp and viber but it seemed she had blocked me as well. The next day she talked to me, saying she was sad over her loss, I wished her well and said my condolences then I said goodbye and blocked her again. I hadn't seen her since the breakup until last night.. I saw her at a party I went to (i knew she was going but i wanted to test myself, bad idea). I saw her from the distance and I felt awful. Seeing her ruined my process.. I called her today and we talked.. I asked her to see me, she didn't want to.. I insisted, I told her I needed to see her and listen that she no longer cared about me.. She accepted... But then I lost it... I started begging her, for another chance.. For forgivness.. That I am changing.. I begged and that is an awful feeling. She said she didn't love me anymore, that she doesn't like me anymore.. That she does miss me but that doesn't mean she is in love... That maybe there is something left but not enough for a relationship. She said hates it that i am suffering but that Eventually I will find someone or be happy with myself... I just find it very hard to cope with the fact that she just forgot about me... That her feelings just disappeared.. Just like that.. After 2 years together. I do understand it was the best decision, I hurt her really bad, I am aware of that... But i am trying to get better, solve my issues.. I would love a second chance.. To show her things can be different.. But she doesn't love me anymore and I just can't accept that idea.. Why was it so easy for her? It has been hell for me. What to do? I just keep holding on to hope.. That she will come back... Oh god, this is awful. Sorry for the long read, had to get that off my chest.
Satu Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 If you really do want to resolve your personal problems you are now in a better position to do so. Being alone for a while helps. It's not what you want, but it is what you need. Keep seeing your therapist, don't do booze or drugs, and deal with your problems face to face. Don't rebound into another relationship as it will follow the same pattern as the last. Reach down into the deepest part of yourself and face your fears. Thats something that everyone has to do alone. Good luck.
Author Crampaholic Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 Thank you so much for your response. That is right, I have to focus on myself and myself only. Getting better, sort things out. It is a good thing when you've hit bottom.. You start to question everything. But I do miss her and want her back, not now.. But I do want the opportunity. I need to get rid of that idea
sober and dry Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Thank you so much for your response. That is right, I have to focus on myself and myself only. Getting better, sort things out. It is a good thing when you've hit bottom.. You start to question everything. But I do miss her and want her back, not now.. But I do want the opportunity. I need to get rid of that idea I agree that you completely put aside your wish to have a second chance until you truly move on, asap. In the long run it may prevent you from getting there. 2
Author Crampaholic Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 I guess it is time for NC. I had blocked her from everything but.. Still checked her twitter from time to time. NC has to be implemented and this time for good :/ Perhaps.. With time hope will vanish
sober and dry Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 I guess it is time for NC. I had blocked her from everything but.. Still checked her twitter from time to time. NC has to be implemented and this time for good :/ Perhaps.. With time hope will vanish There you go! You seem to have an good understanding of your needs and are on the right way
Nolan 93 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Yes you hurt her, and caused the demise of your own relationship, she did nothing wrong in the end by letting you go. But I always believe in hope my friend, do you think she could easily forget a two year relationship like that? No I hope not haaha. But take this time since you are both apart from each-other to focus on you and only you. Change your ways, heal, become a better person than what you were during the relationship. Let time mellow things out and see what it brings, It sucks but thats all you can do, she made her decision. I went through a heart break last november, elven months gone. She left to go back to her ex, so I know the pain, and trust me thats the worst kind except cheating of course. I did nothing wrong and I know that, so she is the one to change herself. Now I treated her better than her ex, and she knows that. But Im moving on, cause you know she is. There is so much time on our side that who knows maybe we will find our way back idk . But the main idea is to move on and learn from the experience, and honestly she comes back she comes back simple right? Let time heal our wounds, let us grow to be better individuals in life. Lets see what life brings us down the road Hang in there my friend, you and only you can decide how fast you want to move on from this chapter in your life.
Author Crampaholic Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 Yes you hurt her, and caused the demise of your own relationship, she did nothing wrong in the end by letting you go. But I always believe in hope my friend, do you think she could easily forget a two year relationship like that? No I hope not haaha. But take this time since you are both apart from each-other to focus on you and only you. Change your ways, heal, become a better person than what you were during the relationship. Let time mellow things out and see what it brings, It sucks but thats all you can do, she made her decision. I went through a heart break last november, elven months gone. She left to go back to her ex, so I know the pain, and trust me thats the worst kind except cheating of course. I did nothing wrong and I know that, so she is the one to change herself. Now I treated her better than her ex, and she knows that. But Im moving on, cause you know she is. There is so much time on our side that who knows maybe we will find our way back idk . But the main idea is to move on and learn from the experience, and honestly she comes back she comes back simple right? Let time heal our wounds, let us grow to be better individuals in life. Lets see what life brings us down the road Hang in there my friend, you and only you can decide how fast you want to move on from this chapter in your life. Yes, I did hurt her, and I deeply regret pushing her that night. I will never forget about that. It was bad, she didn't deserve that. She made the right call. However, that aside, I was a pretty good gf! I honestly felt that she loved me (before all that drama and the fights that started in august until december where she broke up with me). Hell, after the breakup, not so long ago... She told me she loved me! That she missed my kisses, that whatever happened, she asked me to promise her that I would never ignore her messages, (I told her I couldn't promise her that)... And now.. A few weeks later, she is like I don't love you anymore, I don't fancy you... Maybe there is something left but not enough for a relationship? Just like that? She is over it? How can she be so cold. It hurts so much.
Nolan 93 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 @ OP- How would I know, one minute they love you the next the feeling is gone. Just take time and focus on you, and see what happens over time. You think I like waiting lol nope Im moving on I want her back but is she coming back I have clue lol. It sucks it does but its life sadly lol
Author Crampaholic Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 Ok, so I just blocked her from everything, even dloaded an app that forbids me from checking her twitter (my weakness). I've decided to cut down the alcohol, which makes me completely weak... No more calls, no more texts, nothing.. I blocked her number so she can't call me or text me. I hope this goes well, I was doing a lot better.. but I had to screw it up by talking and beggint to her yesterday. What an Idiot I was. There is one thing... her mother loves me, sometimes she talks to me saying that I am a good person and all that jazz (She knew about the relationship but we were never bluntly open about it with her). Should I block her as well?
Light Breeze Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 There is one thing... her mother loves me, sometimes she talks to me saying that I am a good person and all that jazz (She knew about the relationship but we were never bluntly open about it with her). Should I block her as well? You could tell her that you're going radio silent for your own healing. She'll understand, if not, then you have the option of blocking her. To add with what the other's said, let me just say it's always a terrible idea to angle after a friend's GF, or any other people's GF for that matter. Like what happened to you, guilt and paranoia was a huge factor in the demise of this relationship. Also, if they did it with you, they can do it to you. Just food for thought.
Author Crampaholic Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 To add with what the other's said, let me just say it's always a terrible idea to angle after a friend's GF, or any other people's GF for that matter. Like what happened to you, guilt and paranoia was a huge factor in the demise of this relationship. Also, if they did it with you, they can do it to you. Just food for thought. I know, guilt definitely caught up. It was a bad, impulsive and selfish move on my behalf... Guess I always had that thought in my mind.. That she could do it to me. Guilt guilt guilt. I eventually apologized to the friend, we no longer talk but it was because of other things. If the mother contacts me again, I will definitely have to politely ask for some space..
Author Crampaholic Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 I feel very weird right now... The last time I saw her.. it was just for a few seconds and from the distance... She was dancing with her friend... the one I was very jealous of... they were dancing pretty close but that's how she always used to dance. I was a bit drunk and since they were very close, I thought I saw them kissing... but now I'm not really sure if they did.. if they didn't, it won't make me approach her, but at least I wouldn't be unfair to her and if I was wrong... I guess I still need to work hard on my jealousy and seeing things that aren't there..
JustDeadInside Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Hi Crampaholic...reading your post really hit me hard because I could have written the same thing. How can they be so cold...how can people supposedly love you so much and then just stop... With my ex, I swore that I would change and I did, how many people wish for that and never get to see it? And he doesn't care. He said all kinds of horrible things to me. The same person who told me he wanted me to have his children. He told me that - he's the one who took it to that level, I wasn't the one who started saying things like that. And now look. The point I am trying to get at is maybe at some point, we should be glad about this, we should be glad to not be with such emotionally shallow people. Yeah what a wonderful idea, have kids with him so what, he can abandon me and them when our relationship has problems? Like what his father did with him? People who can just bail on a relationship, who won't even give you a proper chance... we should be glad, somehow, to not be with them.
Author Crampaholic Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Hi Crampaholic...reading your post really hit me hard because I could have written the same thing. How can they be so cold...how can people supposedly love you so much and then just stop... With my ex, I swore that I would change and I did, how many people wish for that and never get to see it? And he doesn't care. He said all kinds of horrible things to me. The same person who told me he wanted me to have his children. He told me that - he's the one who took it to that level, I wasn't the one who started saying things like that. And now look. The point I am trying to get at is maybe at some point, we should be glad about this, we should be glad to not be with such emotionally shallow people. Yeah what a wonderful idea, have kids with him so what, he can abandon me and them when our relationship has problems? Like what his father did with him? People who can just bail on a relationship, who won't even give you a proper chance... we should be glad, somehow, to not be with them. Oh god... the children thing... I was told exactly the same thing... I'd love to have babies with you, I'd love to marry you and give you this for our anniversary (a cartier bracelet), I wanna live with you and make love to you after you get home... Wtf... all those promises... I was never the one that said such things.. and now they're like a freaking cold wall. Just like that..
JustDeadInside Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 Oh god... the children thing... I was told exactly the same thing... I'd love to have babies with you, I'd love to marry you and give you this for our anniversary (a cartier bracelet), I wanna live with you and make love to you after you get home... Wtf... all those promises... I was never the one that said such things.. and now they're like a freaking cold wall. Just like that.. I can't tell you what a consolation it is to be able to relate to you. Even if it's about something so awful. I believe that there are people who get a high from saying things like that. I didn't want to believe my ex was that kind of person but what else can I think now. He was the one who said he loved me first. He even put his hand on my belly once, when I was lying in bed with him. He didn't say anything but the inference was clear. It hurts so much but it makes me so angry! How dare they! How dare they say such things to a living caring person, clearly without a thought as to how the other person will be affected by it? Saying that is a big deal! I wouldn't just go around saying things like that, neither would you! I am crying and just furious at the same time Oh and the living together thing. He asked me once based on a dream he had whether I would take him in to live with me if the situation arose. Again, him. He was the one dropping those emotional grenades, not me. And now I am yesterday's garbage to him.
Author Crampaholic Posted February 3, 2015 Author Posted February 3, 2015 Girl, finding someone to relate to, even if it's over a bad thing... gives me such confort. Ah, relationships. We will make it and feel better! just wait and see! we have to remain positive and strong.
Author Crampaholic Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 It's been like... almost 2 months since BU. It's been 10 days since strict NC. I went out last weekend and even gave my phone to a friend, in order to avoid calling her. I'm feeling way better and I'm feeling actually happy. I've been noticing change in myself, I'm starting to feel more at ease with myself.. I am glad about that, and I guess in the future, I will actually be grateful to her for making me see. I asked a friend of hers about her, just a normal "how is she". Is that breaking NC? I'm determined on not contacting her at all.
ggas Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 You say she forgot about you just like that after two years but the breakup process probably started in her head long before. I don't know what to say to make you feel better other than in my case I was replaced in a matter of days with her ex who is in another country. We even had a healthy relationship no jealousy no controling no judging (which her ex is). When she left I didn t beg or anything and she still replaced me. So my point is that the fact that you pushed her is probably irrelevant. Same thing would ve happened. There are a million other factors that led to this probably all steming from your own insecurities. I could say work on yourself but I know that s probably hard for you to do right now. Stay surrounded by people. That s what I try to do. Otherwise your mind will quickly go to her. Be happy you were not replaced like nothing. Trust me, being a rebound is incredibely painful especialy after one year living together filled only with happy moments
Author Crampaholic Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 Thank you for your answer! Yes, I'm working on myself, been going to the therapist for a while now, also meditating and hanging out with friends a lot. I feel way better. I do think about her everyday, I guess that's normal, but I don't feel the need to go back to her or to contact her. Whenever I feel weak, I remember that she said "I don't love you anymore and I don't fancy you anymore, I do miss you but that doesn't mean I'm in love". Tough words there, but they make me feel strong. I think I'm on that stage of... "I'll get over you and you'll miss me when there's nothing to be done". Guess it's anger... but I honestly don't wanna have any kind of negative feelings, that's not healthy, I just wanna feel nothing.
Author Crampaholic Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Been going out a lot, and I'm feeling better, however the emotional rollercoaster still remains. Even yesterday I cried for a bit... and I was weak, I checked her Twitter account. Didn't see much tho. Is that breaking NC? *sigh*
Author Crampaholic Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 Andddd she mailed me today, a short mail.. something like: "I hope you're doing well, hugs". Not going to reply.
darkbloom Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Don't check her twitter. And she sent you a breadcrumb. Don't respond. The best thing is that you realized your part in the demise of your relationship. And you are working every day to get better. I think that is the most positive thing to come from the relationship. You will go into your next relationship as a much better partner.
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