beckles Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 I would love some insight on my current situation! I met my ex about two and a half years ago. We fell in love instantly and became inseparable. We were both in college and had two years left. As part of my course, I had to move to the UK for 5 months and even though we had only met two months previously, we decided to stay together (we live in Ireland). I came home every three weeks or so and we had the best time ever. Honestly the times I spent with him were some of the happiest of my life. He always spoke about moving to New Zealand after college but it was so far away I never really put much thought into it. Fast forward a year and nine months and he becomes serious about moving. He also has another issue – I was his first girlfriend and first sexual partner and he felt unsure about us because of that. So we broke up for a few days but then got back together because he wasn’t planning on going anywhere for at least 6 months. He contemplated staying then for a while but was working in a minimum wage job while I started a masters and his friends moved away and got better jobs. He got very frustrated by all of this and decided he was going to move with his friends to New Zealand. He didn’t want to go until January/February so we said that we would talk about what we would do after Christmas, however he decided to break up with me out of the blue at the start of December. I was in complete shock, in my mind we were as good as we ever were and I thought he was going to ask me to come with him. Instead he told me that he didn’t love me anymore and couldn’t see a future for us. He needed to go out and see what else was out there. He had it in his head that he was too young (he’s 23) and that he could never be with his first girlfriend forever. I felt like my whole world was falling apart and after a few days I called him and we started talking again. Then about two weeks later he met me and got very upset and said he didn’t know why he felt he had to leave, he had a great life at home with me and his family and friends. But he felt like it was something that he had to do and get out of his system. He was still keeping up this I don’t love you anymore stuff, so I went over to his house and after a while he had a complete turnaround saying that he missed me all the time and he still loved me. There was about 3 weeks left before he was to leave so we decided to make the most of the time that we had left. He made it clear that when he left though, we would still be broken up. In those last three weeks, we had some of the best times that we ever had together. But now he’s gone and really he wants to go sow his oats and see what else is out there. But what do I do? Do I hold out hope that he will realise that I was the best thing that ever happened to him (which he told me numerous times while we were together) after he has been with some other people? He wants to stop talking which is probably best but I feel if I let go, there will be no hope for us every again. This is the man of my dreams, the man who I know is my soulmate. It’s so difficult to give up on that, when you know this is the right person for you. I know if there ever is hope for this that I have to let him do this but just what do I do in the mean time?
Seeker12 Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 You have understood one thing, which is let him be, and by that it means that you go away and disappear from his life, and he disappears from yours. In the meantime focus on yourself, build yourself, go gym, eat well, go out with friends, meet new friends, keep yourself occupied and find what makes you happy...by the end of it youll be a stronger person which means if he comes back, he will come back to someone independent, strong and happy, and if he doesnt come back, well youll still be independent, strong and happy. 1
melonmint57 Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 Holding out hope will make you go crazy. I'm in a similar situation (except he cheated on me) and I think focusing on yourself for the time being is best. Surround yourself with people who lift you up instead of bringing you down. If it's really meant to be down the road he will resurface, and you can cross that bridge when you come to it. 2
Seeker12 Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 If it's really meant to be down the road he will resurface, and you can cross that bridge when you come to it. This...if its meant to be it will happen.
devilish innocent Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 You can't put your life on hold waiting for him. You'll be stressed out and miserable while he gets emotionally involved with other girls. In the end, the odds of him coming back to you would be very slim anyway. You're still in love him. When you're in love with somebody, it's normal to feel like their the perfect fit and nobody else would ever compare. Your feelings aren't reality though. The truth is there are multiple people in the world who could make you happy. Whatever your ex felt for you, he wasn't willing to try to make it work. It wasn't meant to be. The only way to get through the pain is to accept that it's over. Know that a better future lies elsewhere. In time, your heart will heal.
Author beckles Posted February 1, 2015 Author Posted February 1, 2015 Thanks for all your advice, I appreciate it. Its really difficult because he always said he wished that he had met me when he was older (we met when he was 21, he's 23 now) because we whereas great together and that he wished he had a girlfriend before me. He felt like he could never fully commit to me until he experienced things with other people. And while logically that makes sense, its just so hard to accept and it makes it harder to move on, knowing that he might come back some day. I know I'm being stupid, he's only being gone a week, but I don't know what to do with myself, he said he would text me next week but I feel like I should probably ignore it and show him what life is really like without me? Or what should I do?
melonmint57 Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 You should ignore the text/call and focus on yourself for the time being. There is no sense in dragging yourself down by letting him lead you along like that.
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