bigtrouble Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 42days after BU - Broke NC 3X I finally got to the point of acceptance... Cheating GF broke up with me leaving me a ton of questions... Been rationalizing for a little over a month... Finally I got the answer to the final question... Why I should stop chasing after her... (Physically, mentally and emotionally) NC is a struggle because I tend to chase after her... Trying to prove and show her I love her... This is because I thought it was my fault... That she left because I did not make her felt loved... I realized that she has been cheating on me for 6months... and took her another 2months to tell me... She knew I love her, she did not want to hurt me... But I was getting in between her and her happiness... Now I know pinning for her, chasing after her... Begging her back, professing my love and improve myself... Would not matter, there is nothing I can do... Its not about me, its about her... I'm starting to let go now... And start with NC... I just got rid of my last emotional baggage... Now I know that soon I will be ready to love again... To all of you still struggling out there... I hope you find your answers... and will be able to start to move on... Hang in there, time will heal all wounds... 3
Light Breeze Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 Acceptance of the loss is the turning point. Good luck, brother.
erklat Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 Yeah, but if the relationship was of any substance 42 days where you broke NC 3 times is nothing, you are going from day 0. True acceptance comes when the trauma has been contained and you can not imagine speaking to her and especially loving her again. This is just a milestone, you will have relapses.
Author bigtrouble Posted February 1, 2015 Author Posted February 1, 2015 True acceptance comes when the trauma has been contained and you can not imagine speaking to her and especially loving her again. Your reply is true for most but not for all... I don't hate my EX... I don't regret loving her... She did not want to hurt me... She only wants to be happy...
erklat Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 (edited) Your reply is true for most but not for all... I don't hate my EX... I don't regret loving her... She did not want to hurt me... She only wants to be happy... You are showing symptoms of bargaining, that is the second stage of Kubler-Ross cycle of grieving. You have to remove all signs of lack of self reliance to fully move on. OK, she is just trying to be happy? Where are you in that story? Bargaining heartbroken on a public forum listening to other self called relationship enthusiasts whose experience of heartbreak gives them right to speak? Your feelings are worth more. They are as valuable as hers and anyone elses here. PS I've seen thread title now. What you think is acceptance a leap between denial and bargaining. You are feeling temporal relief for you acknowledged the loss of your relationship. Edited February 1, 2015 by erklat
Author bigtrouble Posted February 1, 2015 Author Posted February 1, 2015 You have to remove all signs of lack of self reliance to fully move on. - I only have myself to rely on, she is gone, left me for good... - I no longer hope she'll comeback and set me free from my pain... OK, she is just trying to be happy? Where are you in that story? Bargaining heartbroken on a public forum listening to other self called relationship enthusiasts whose experience of heartbreak gives them right to speak? - Yes she deserves to be happy... - My story is not yet written, as I am turning a page in my life now... - Maybe in time I will meet someone to love... - Those enthusiasts have mix advice and they have good stories... Your feelings are worth more. They are as valuable as hers and anyone elses here. - I agree with you.. - My feelings do have worth and everyone else... - All is fair in love and loss... PS I've seen thread title now. What you think is acceptance a leap between denial and bargaining. You are feeling temporal relief for you acknowledged the loss of your relationship. - Pain of heartbreak is temporal... - Relief is longer and lasts until another heartbreak... I like where I am now... I don't want to look back... and Re-live it... Moving on...
Oneness Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Stay strong, and know that the 5 stages of grief may not be done with you. They will flip around...some good days, some bad...until you get through to the other side. I am 3 1/2 months NC and I found myself slipping into denial for a day or two when I thought I was done with it and working on acceptance. Acceptance is the final, and most hard won of the stages. Hold on, you will make it out! 1
Author bigtrouble Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 Stay strong, and know that the 5 stages of grief may not be done with you. They will flip around...some good days, some bad...until you get through to the other side. I am 3 1/2 months NC and I found myself slipping into denial for a day or two when I thought I was done with it and working on acceptance. Acceptance is the final, and most hard won of the stages. Hold on, you will make it out! Thank you for you kind words... I would like it to be so... Even if I have to convince myself everyday... I just can't give in to doubt... I need to focus... There is nothing wrong in believing I am moving on... As this would take me further... I felt a sense of relief and I'm holding on to it... True I will have bad days... But not giving up is a better option... Just keep moving on I may stumble in the way... I make little progress but I will get there... The important thing is having the will to move on...
sober and dry Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Stay strong, and know that the 5 stages of grief may not be done with you. They will flip around...some good days, some bad...until you get through to the other side. I am 3 1/2 months NC and I found myself slipping into denial for a day or two when I thought I was done with it and working on acceptance. Acceptance is the final, and most hard won of the stages. Hold on, you will make it out! So true, 2 months after I though that I was nearing acceptance and BAMM, back to depression again... I guess I was not ready, not even close. In fact I think that's almost impossible in 2 months after a LDR. Although I guess that the stages become shorter with the flips. Bigtrouble, always remember that after you stumble, the important thing is how you go on after. 1
Author bigtrouble Posted February 2, 2015 Author Posted February 2, 2015 Bigtrouble, always remember that after you stumble, the important thing is how you go on after. We have to be strong... Just keep moving forward... Focus on life and ourselves... and stop wallowing in the past...
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