porkchop85 Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 I found this message board after searching for help after a breakup. First thank you to anyone who reads this I appreciate it. I was a horrible boyfriend and I cant forgive my actions. I was in a relationship for 9 years and she loved me more then anything else. Her love was unconditional and unending. She was honest and always there to help me when I had bad days. She was just so wonderful. And yet I still cheated. I cheated on her for almost our entire relationship. I cheated and felt dirty leaving some random girls house knowing I was going home to be with her. I am a scumbag and I deserve what I am going though right now. It is a pain worse then I have ever felt in my life, My house is empty my bed is empty I am cold and alone. What is worse is I was the one who made us break up. I admitted to cheating on her and she still wanted to stay. That made me feel even worse as I knew if we stayed together I would still be tempted to cheat. I dont know what to do I haven't stop crying i wont eat or drink anything I am so unbelievably lost. I would give anything to have her back in my bed next to me but I ruined everything. I am sorry for the long winded post but I needed to get this all out. If you got this far take my advice and dont cheat please its not worth it. I lost my sunshine today please dont lose yours
MovingOnIsHard Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 Have you reflected in why you cheated on her multiple times? Going to a therapist might help too.
Author porkchop85 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Posted February 1, 2015 My immediate thought on why I cheated was because she wasn't into sex as much as I did. I would get my emotional needs met by her and the physical needs met by others. I work with therapists and I talk to one frequently. She was the one who suggested I end the relationship as she believed I was doing more harm being with her. I made very poor choices in how I broke up with her and I feel so awful about it I will never forgive myself for what I did today.
HowWillICope Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 Really?! If you wanted a pity party you will certainly not get that from me. Even if it was a one-off , drunken stupid mistake of one night then PERHAPS (at best) but the fact that you cheated almost the ENTIRE relationship?? Have you no self control or respect and love for this girl?? You KNEW what you were doing. You KNEW what you could possibly lose. You're only sad now because it's happening for real now. You clearly weren't sad before though when you were still getting away with it though right? Everyone deserves second chances but this girl (bless her she sounds wonderful) would be giving you more than a second or third or fourth chance... To be blunt, you don't deserve her and she deserves better so I suggest you leave her alone and get some therapy and don't make the same foolish mistake on the next poor girl. My two cents. 2
Satu Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 You walked down a road that was clearly signposted as The Road to Misery. I'm not judging you, but things have ended up the only way they could have ended up. Keep working with your therapist. Good luck.
Author porkchop85 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Posted February 1, 2015 Thank you or that blunt response. I do need to get help and it is criminal that I put her though all this. I am not looking for a pity party I just want to use my experience as a warning to others.
Satu Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 Thank you or that blunt response. I do need to get help and it is criminal that I put her though all this. I am not looking for a pity party I just want to use my experience as a warning to others. It has to be said that what you have been doing is ultimately self-destructive. Think of it this way: She can move on from you, and find a man who will treat her well and never cheat on her. You on the other hand, will still be with yourself. Give that some serious thought.
Author porkchop85 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Posted February 1, 2015 I sincerely hope she can find someone who will treat her right. That would make me so happy.
michael-034 Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 I sincerely hope she can find someone who will treat her right. That would make me so happy. Leave her alone. She's better off without you than you starting trouble again.. You'll probably be with her, the oxytocin in your brain will wear out, and you'll be right back cheating on her.. You don't deserve her for what you did. And I honestly believe that the chance is too high that you'll just **** up again. You miss her, but if you're back, nothing has changed. Time doesn't change things. Doing things does it. I believe, because you didn't really do anything, the things will be just as they were and it will end with you cheating. If you really love her, just let her go. Don't open up old woulds again.. And as for your hurt: im sorry, but you kind of did cause it yourself. We all make mistakes, and we all pay a price. Be a man and pay the price for your mistake. I wish you luck and wisdom and hope you find somebody who you will appreciate this time.. 1
Satu Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 You will have to decide who you want to be. Who do you want to be? The person who brought you to this place, or somebody else?
Author porkchop85 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Posted February 1, 2015 Thank you for your reply. I agree with you 100 percent.
Author porkchop85 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Posted February 1, 2015 You will have to decide who you want to be. Who do you want to be? The person who brought you to this place, or somebody else? I would love to be someone else. It is my hope that this experience and lots of therapy will get me normal enough to have a relationship again some day. 1
HowWillICope Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 She will. I beg you to leave this girl alone. In the mean time, work on your self control. Like seriously. Newsflash: you aren't the only person in this world who gets 'tempted to cheat'. It's not every temptation you must give into. I'm glad you've learned from this but I urge you to find the root of this behaviour ...and FIX IT before you even think of getting in a relationship with someone else. Because, as they say, old habits die hard. Good luck.
Author porkchop85 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Posted February 1, 2015 She will. I beg you to leave this girl alone. In the mean time, work on your self control. Like seriously. Newsflash: you aren't the only person in this world who gets 'tempted to cheat'. It's not every temptation you must give into. I'm glad you've learned from this but I urge you to find the root of this behaviour ...and FIX IT before you even think of getting in a relationship with someone else. Because, as they say, old habits die hard. Good luck. Thank you I will leave her go . Therapy is helping me to find out whats wrong with me and why I have been this way. Typing out my feelings has been refreshing and hearing others reinforce my feelings has been helpful.
Amaraya Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 I'm not gonna jump on any bandwagon throwing stones for the way you behaved. It sounds like you realize your role in the deterioration and destruction of your relationship. You're owning it and you feel badly and, most importantly, you're not talking about trying to get back into her life. I think it's awesome that you're in therapy and working on your issues. It doesn't sound like you're in a place right now where you're a good partner for anyone relationship-wise but that doesn't mean you'll never be. When people chronically do something that is self-destructive (like how you describe your cheating) there is often a tremendous amount of sadness behind that. Keep working on yourself and give it time. I'm sorry you're in pain but you're on the right track now.
Author porkchop85 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Posted February 1, 2015 I'm not gonna jump on any bandwagon throwing stones for the way you behaved. It sounds like you realize your role in the deterioration and destruction of your relationship. You're owning it and you feel badly and, most importantly, you're not talking about trying to get back into her life. I think it's awesome that you're in therapy and working on your issues. It doesn't sound like you're in a place right now where you're a good partner for anyone relationship-wise but that doesn't mean you'll never be. When people chronically do something that is self-destructive (like how you describe your cheating) there is often a tremendous amount of sadness behind that. Keep working on yourself and give it time. I'm sorry you're in pain but you're on the right track now. Thank you for the kind words.
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