Author Beautifullyscarred21 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Posted February 1, 2015 Beating me up i think is wrong words more like overly deffensive I was on top of him trying to get my ipad back. It was his very bad and wrong attempt to get me off of him. We got too heated, too close at the wrong time. Every single time he will walk out of the room and go somewhere else until things calm down. He has never come at me.
Art_Critic Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 You need to learn that you cannot save the addict.. only he can save himself and you also need to learn how you contribute to enabling his behavior.. such as kicking you in your stomach. I couldn't edit my above post and noticed my wording is wrong, you didn't contribute to his hitting you in the stomach, but how you react afterward will contribute to enabling his addiction, don't take this
Jessie1231 Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 As someone who was married to an opiate addict for eleven years, trust me that it is a "bad addiction." My addict husband would beg for medicine I was prescribed (once after a fairly painful surgery but he thought he needed the medicine more than I did). Being the one who's dispensing drugs to an addict never has a happy ending and can definitely lead to what happened to you. And yes, the situation you're describing is abuse.
Author Beautifullyscarred21 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Posted February 1, 2015 They have groups like that involve the person with the addict?
bubbaganoosh Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 To be honest, you better start being a lot more choosey when picking a boyfriend. Neither your ex or this jewel you got now is something I would write home about. I say this in all seriousness. You want to be kicked around then fine, stay with him but if you feel you deserve better, then look elsewhere. 2
Author Beautifullyscarred21 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Posted February 1, 2015 I just cant believe this is happening? So is this relationship doomed or is there some spec of hope? If he really loved me he wouldnt be like this, yet is it maybe hes so sick hes lost himself?
Gaeta Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 I just cant believe this is happening? So is this relationship doomed or is there some spec of hope? If he really loved me he wouldnt be like this, yet is it maybe hes so sick hes lost himself? Sweetie, you are doing what many women victim of abuse do, you got out of an abusive relationship to re-inter another one right away. This man here knows you will stay with him after he hit you because: A: He saw you put up with it with your ex B: You just proved it to him by standing by him right after what he did to you. This man is a drug addict, he's in and out of jail, he can't keep up a job, Really this is the new man you picked for yourself? He needs a rehab, you need to be on your own and grow into a solid woman before entering another relationship. NO you do not need couple therapy, you don't go to therapy with boyfriends, you change boyfriends. If he loved you he wouldn't be like this? Drug addiction have people lose their job, family, spouse, house. Whether they love you or not has no meaning, the drug decides, not them. Break up with him while he is in jail. Is that really the life you want? being with an addict in and out of jail, relapsing, hitting you for his fix, no job, no money, then back in jail. 1
bathtub-row Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 (edited) The thing you're completely missing is that it's not relevant as to whether you love him or not. Loving someone does not make a bad situation magically better. It just gives you a reason to ignore reality and hang on to a bad situation. Here's what you're dealing with: Addict = deal breaker Unemployable = deal breaker Kicking you = deal breaker Formerly in prison = deal breaker You have more flags flying than the United Nations Headquarters. As someone else pointed out, you need to be WAY more selective about who you end up with. As far as this relationship is concerned, try counseling or whatever it takes to either fix it or decide that it's not fixable. Now that you've gotten this deeply involved, you're not likely to walk away until you've gotten sick of it. So give it time and see what happens. Edited February 1, 2015 by bathtub-row
Author Beautifullyscarred21 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Posted February 1, 2015 To me a deal breaker is abuse. After my ex i swore to myself, i wasmt going to out up with that again. I meant it so when he gets out of jail, he has two options. 1 go to rehab and get mental and physical therapy or 2 lose me. If he really loves me, he will realize what he did was absolutely unnacceptable and he will be jumping and the bit to change the behavior. If not there is no love there, amd therfore no relationship. Im not going to abandon him and break up with him while hes in jail, thats cruel, amd i have seen initiative in him to want to change. If theres hope, ill give it a chance. If i see its going no where and hes making no effort, i will leave. I will tell you if he puts his hands on me one more time though, i will kick him out cold. Thank you for all of your opinions, at least the nice ones anyways. Iv already got myself a list of low cost rehabs and phsychiatry centers.
bathtub-row Posted February 1, 2015 Posted February 1, 2015 Someday, when you decide that you want a home and children, all of the above things I listed as deal breakers will take on a great deal of significance for you. When you can't buy a home for your children to grow up in because Mr Prison's bad record will haunt him for many, many years to come - making homebuying or even getting an apartment in a decent area of town next to impossible, when his ex-con friends invade your home and influence or threaten your kids, when Mr Unemployable can't support his family, when Mr Addict is more fixated on his next hit than you and the kids, you're going to find yourself wallowing in extreme misery, filled with regret that you didn't make wiser choices. These are not light decisions about who we allow into our space. And being starry-eyed over a guy like this will have Life smacking you in the face really hard someday. You are not this guy's mommy. Unless he is (or was) imprisoned on false charges, he made a choice that got him locked up. This is not sexy, amusing or charming in any sense of the word. Unless you want to continue in this cycle, you would do yourself a huge favor by changing your life, changing your environment, changing your friends, and raising your standards. And by also changing your expectations; expecting a man to act like a man - to be responsible, have high morals and standards, a gentleman, and in control of his actions and emotions. And, btw, it's not cruel to leave someone who's in prison. It's actually quite smart. Whether he has regrets or not, he has done something that will impact your life in a very negative way. If you don't protect yourself from this type of guy, no one else will do it for you. 1
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