Three1 Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 Can anyone describe how a dumper would react to no contact from an ex when the relationship was good but the dumpee made a mistake to end it. Would time help forgive or forget?
d0nnivain Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 Your Q makes no sense. If the dumpee made the choice or mistake to end it, why isn't that person the dumpor? Anyway, no matter who ended it, the basic truth remains: if you want to reconcile you have to talk. If you want to heal go NC. NC is not a means to get somebody back. However, if the person you are calling the dumpee wanted out, the dumpor in your Q has no reason to trust that they won't get cold feet & hurt them again.
JADIE Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 YES. Time & distance. I left my dumper alone (almost entirely) for four months, only relaying a couple major life events of a mutual friend during that time. Meanwhile, dumper also moved several states away temporarily. The thing he responded to was a group text I sent to several Dads on Father's Day...never know what might touch someone's heart I guess! I left it alone and he started initiating contact again, moved back into town and we are now a year and a half out and better than ever. Just back off and leave her alone to find herself like she's asked...
Author Three1 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Posted January 31, 2015 sorry worded it funny....the dumpee made a mistake that hurt the dumper that caused the dumper to end the relationship.
sober and dry Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 So the "dumpee" made a mistake (I'm guessing a major one) that led the "dumper" to end the RS. Well that happened to me, I was the dumper after discovering that she cheated on me and so on. So let me tell you, my ex (the "dumpee") went NC at the same time I did so to speak (right after we BU). At that time I went NC to protect myself from getting hurt anymore and to try and heal. A month after the BU I broke NC and so she did, we had small, small talk and we agreed to meet. It wasn't happened yet and I don't even know if that's gonna happen. To the point now, right after BU I felt like she went NC to protect herself too and move on and that's good for me, I couldn't care less! After I broke up NC, if she kept her NC, I think I would feel the same but with another stab at my heart. If she goes NC now in the middle of our "conversation" I guess I would feel (again), she would be protecting herself and moving on with her life, the stab at my heart, but I would also feel she behaved poorly if you know what I mean. Now the funny thing in here is, who really is the dumper and the dumpee?! I think that this "labels" so to say do not apply quite literally. For instance, if you made a mistake (again, a major one) you were the person who dumped the RS dumping your ex and ultimately led him to dump you too. If the mistake as not a major one, all this roles invert themselves.
MovingOnIsHard Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 ^^ I agree. Sometimes it's not always black&white when it comes to who broke up with who. My ex was the one who said the relationship was getting 'lukewarm' and that I should let him go. So I did. Finally walked away from a perpetual on-off relationship. Funny thing is, he acted like he was the one who got dumped and accused me of not wanting to reconcile because I enjoyed playing victim. (?) As more days went by with me ignoring him, his tone became more desperate. But I was firm in my decision in not reconciling. It's strange how the dynamics work sometimes. I do feel like i was the one who dumped him, only because he keeps trying to reach out and ignore him.
bathtub-row Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 Have you decided the dumper made a mistake, or is it the other way around? If the one who ended the relationship decides they made a mistake, leave him/her alone and let them come back on their own. Pressure from the ex will never do any good.
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