contact1 Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 OP, why are you depressed!!! Despite countless people asking you to clarify, you have yet to do so, hence forth, why some think you are not clear with your boyfriend either, and expect him to read your mind. And don't just say "issue with a friend", what is the issue, how did you express it to your boyfriend yesterday, and what was his reaction.
Zahara Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 No no, it is not about lack of communication. It is not that he does not know how I feel. He does. That's why this feels like a slap in the face. I am also often very happy when I pass by the graveyard where a funeral is being held every other week, it is someone I don't even know and don't care about, but do I sing? Ok, maybe not the best example, but you get the idea. I'm not dismissing how you feel but it's hard to determnine and be fair if he is being unsupportive when you can't divulge what's going on.
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 He knows. I did tell him how bad it is and how I can barely breathe and I struggle for every breath. I don't need him to stop feeling happy. But to play music all day long and sing along out loud... I mean, the guy is having a party. His gf is in the other room struggling with what at the moment feels like an elephant is sitting on my chests. I don't get it. Oh well... What the heck happened with your friend yesterday that you are still struggling to breathe today? That is a very extreme reaction. The only time I experienced something like it was when a dear friend died unexpectedly in a sudden, tragic accident. It took a while for me to feel like I could breathe & that I wasn't walking through pudding. At the very least did you try what I suggested . . . going to him & asking for a hug?
Author Winterina Posted January 30, 2015 Author Posted January 30, 2015 OP, why are you depressed!!! Despite countless people asking you to clarify, you have yet to do so, hence forth, why some think you are not clear with your boyfriend either, and expect him to read your mind. And don't just say "issue with a friend", what is the issue, how did you express it to your boyfriend yesterday, and what was his reaction. It does not matter why am I depressed. Me explaining details of what happened with my friend would not make it any different. I do talk details with my bf. He knows everything. Really? Nobody can relate? Ok, my mother must have been right - I am special (just a quote from Seinfeld)
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Winterina: Is it possible your boyfriend thinks you are being a little dramatic and are over-reacting concerning your friend? Yes it does matter what happened with your friend. If you want honest advice you can't leave details out. If you do maybe it's because you are afraid we will also tell you you are over-reacting?
preraph Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 You can't expect anyone to get depressed with you. Especially if this is a regular thing with you and I sense that it is. What you need to do is work on this with a psychiatrist to get out of the chronic depression or whatever it is. If you cared about him, you wouldn't want your misery to rub off on him!
Diezel Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Remind me again how he is the one who is lacking emotional intelligence?
todreaminblue Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 even if i was depressed someone singing in another room to really bad music would make me smile..but then i am a multiple personality..who look son the bright side of life when i am about to play chicken with a truck.maybe what he is doing is trying to lighten the mood, the tension dragging you down and is actually very in tune with how you feel.....deb 1
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Really? Nobody can relate? I can related to being upset. I am struggling with your description that you can't breathe the day after your interaction with your friend, which is why I asked about the details. You don't have to share if you don't want to. However, given the extreme response you are having, not being able to breathe, I do hope you have more than your BF or a message board for support. Do you need to go to an ER? I'm not being sarcastic. I am trying to understand. Again I urge you to ask him for what you want -- a hug, less singing, for him to listen while you pour your heart out again. That is far more productive then being mad at him for being insensitive. However, if you ask clearly & specifically & he fails to deliver perhaps a re-evaluation of the relationship is in order.
Zahara Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 It does not matter why am I depressed. Me explaining details of what happened with my friend would not make it any different. I do talk details with my bf. He knows everything. Really? Nobody can relate? Ok, my mother must have been right - I am special (just a quote from Seinfeld) Maybe he doesn't think you are depressed but more so dramatic or needy for attention? Maybe he thinks you're dragging this "issue" too far and doesn't want to deal with it? Maybe in his mind he doesn't even think it's an issue. Details matter. It allows for better judgment. 2
mightycpa Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 The irony is that he seems to have taken your mind off of your other problem, at least a little. now you're depressed abut him. I'm not sure what you're looking for here... maybe for a bunch of people to reassure you that you're right? doesn't look like that's going to happen.
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 You expect us to relate but without giving us details. How are we suppose to achieve that? You expect your boyfriend to be comforting without telling him you need further comfort from him. How is he suppose to achieve that? I see a lot of passive aggressiveness and really bad communication skills. You expect us and your boyfriend to read your mind. 3
Author Winterina Posted January 30, 2015 Author Posted January 30, 2015 even if i was depressed someone singing in another room to really bad music would make me smile.. No, it wouldn't.
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 No, it wouldn't. Ok, I am not playing the guessing game. I am stepping out and will come back when you communicate the real issue.
veggirl Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Of course it matters what the details are. If you got in a tiff with a friend and can't breathe a day later, you're drama queening and I think bf should sing on if he wants. If your best friend passed away yesterday, then he's a dick. If you just get moody because of the weather / lack of sunshine...tbh I'd say sorry but that shouldn't mean he can't enjoy singing or whatever he wants. 4
Zahara Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 No, it wouldn't. How you respond you is indicative of how you communicate? It's frustrating and I can only imagine how you react when you don't get the response you want. 1
mightycpa Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Mystery solved. Her "friend" problem IS the boyfriend. He's over the latest blowout. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/513279-boyfriend-got-mad-over-me-keeping-item-ex/new-post.html He's done, she can tell, and that's why the disconnect exists, and why she's so depressed. I was right! This won't last long. Sorry OP, but you kept the PJ's.
Diezel Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Ok, I am not playing the guessing game. I am stepping out and will come back when you communicate the real issue. Just make sure you don't start singing in the other room until you come back. 1
Author Winterina Posted January 30, 2015 Author Posted January 30, 2015 Mystery solved. Her "friend" problem IS the boyfriend. He's over the latest blowout. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/513279-boyfriend-got-mad-over-me-keeping-item-ex/new-post.html He's done, she can tell, and that's why the disconnect exists, and why she's so depressed. I was right! This won't last long. Sorry OP, but you kept the PJ's. Holy crap! You are really something!!! That was a whole another post by another person Detective Dips**t. This is becoming entertaining and is actually making me forget things. THANKS!!!
todreaminblue Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 No, it wouldn't. yes it would with me.....i woudl smile....then i would say hey dying in here can you keep it down.... but thats me i dotn mean to make light o fyour situation as other posters have said maybe you should talk to him it is quite possible he is tryign to lighten th emood....but you arent really giving him a chance of explaining...... what i know about depression is this...quite a bit....tried to commit suicide a few times a long time ago...well a couple of years...... been in and out of hospital for many years....clinical depression......what i know is you have to be aware of what depression can do to you and the interactions you have with others and what ultimately depression you have does to them.....you become selfishly motivated...you become aggressive, hard to live with, snappy , impatient ...self serving.....maudlin even...you harm yourself but more than that you cause harm to others who only try to help...the lights on the shore that get battered by wave after wave after wave...and still keep blinking... thats what i call people who live with others who suffer depression...the ever patient loved ones...... what meds are you on what does your therapist have in regards to strategies....when you are depressed you push away the ones who love you most.......because you dont love life you dont love anyone you dont love yourself most of all....and those lights of all lights (the people who love you)..keep on blinking to guide you home...or sing bad music off tune and out of time....to let you know hey im here you can talk to me.....or ill sing until you do to get your attention distracted off wishing your life away.............deb
rester Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Have you asked him if he could please stop singing? Please let us know his response. 1
mightycpa Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Holy crap! You are really something!!! That was a whole another post by another person Detective Dips**t. This is becoming entertaining and is actually making me forget things. THANKS!!! Now you're coming around. See? Sometimes other people having fun can make you feel better! You've dumped on me (deservedly so), on other posters and on the boyfriend. Today, negativity seems to make you feel better. Sometimes that's what we need. Glad to be of service. I sense that what you really need is to get hostile with the pal who is at the root of this problem, not a bunch of strangers on the internet, and not your songbird of a boyfriend. You're focused on symptoms and not the problem. Go solve your problem. Anyway, I've done all I can here. Good luck! 6
veggirl Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Also, Winterina, if you need something or want something, you shouldn't be afraid to ask. Is there a reason you haven't just told him he's upsetting you and asked him to stop? People can't read minds and you can't be mad at him for possibly not knowing you're still on the verge of a breakdown over a friend (?) today.
SycamoreCircle Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 "Tell Me Why" Sailing heart-ships thru broken harbors Out on the waves in the night Still the searcher must ride the dark horse Racing alone in his fright. Tell me why, tell me why Is it hard to make arrangements with yourself, When you're old enough to repay but young enough to sell? Tell me lies later, come and see me I'll be around for a while. I am lonely but you can free me All in the way that you smile Tell me why, tell me why Is it hard to make arrangements with yourself, When you're old enough to repay but young enough to sell? Tell me why, tell me why Tell me why, tell me why 1
Author Winterina Posted January 30, 2015 Author Posted January 30, 2015 "Tell Me Why" Sailing heart-ships thru broken harbors Out on the waves in the night Still the searcher must ride the dark horse Racing alone in his fright. Tell me why, tell me why Is it hard to make arrangements with yourself, When you're old enough to repay but young enough to sell? Tell me lies later, come and see me I'll be around for a while. I am lonely but you can free me All in the way that you smile Tell me why, tell me why Is it hard to make arrangements with yourself, When you're old enough to repay but young enough to sell? Tell me why, tell me why Tell me why, tell me why Hahahaa.... you d**k! Good one though, respect! We have a lot of humour at home normally. So I am going to go tell him his mum called to tell me his dog died and then I will start dancing. Maybe he will shut up then? I will tell him the truth when he starts crying. That should keep the singing down for a while. Problem - solution! And all with the help of my good friends on LS. You guys are the best.
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