iphoneuser Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3.5 years now and I would say that we have a great relationship, he makes me very happy BUT some things about him cause me to doubt that he is the person I'd want to marry.... First of, when the relationship started he wasn't making much money so I would offer to pay for some things, and there would be times that I would just offer to take him out. 3.5 years later, he's turned into such a cheap stake. Secondly, I cannot stand his family but I don't make this obvious. I remain polite and display proper etiquette in front of them, and I would never be disrespectful towards them. I especially dislike his mother who has influenced much of his view towards relationship. His parents were divorced and have recently got back together, his mother would make remarks like "There's no point in getting married, people now a days get divorced 60% of the time" When she says things like that it boils my blood, how can she let her once broken marriage prevent her son from seeing what a happy and healthy relationship can be like? His parents are very weird. Normally families would not expect to keep financial scores on each other meaning if the parents wanted to go out and eat then the parents would pay for the kids. He is turning 21 this year and I am turning 20 years old. His mother is paying for his sister's schooling which costs 150k for a 2 year master's degree program. HIS MOTHER EXPECTS HIS SISTER TO PAY HER BACK!!! LIKE ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?! And sometimes his mother would sit there with a calculator saying things like "Oh yeah you owe me 50 but since you paid for lunch you owe me 20.65" I think it's just so ridiculous. For my birthday he got me a designer bag and his mother asked questions like "What did he get you for your birthday?" when she damn well knew because she likes to snoop around in his room. She is very nosy. The first Christmas I spent with them I offered to make dinner for the family which she did not seem to appreciate. While we were having dinner just me, his sister, him and his mother, his mother didn't say much to me she was talking quietly to his sister who was beside her and I was on the opposite side. I over heard her say with a scowl on her face "this is so easy to make" Over the years, she's warmed up to me, but no matter what I will never truly like her because of how she raised him. I know I sound arrogant to say such a thing but I'm so against their family values. My point is sometimes I feel so unsatisfied in this relationship , but I feel like I love him... I just don't know if I'm IN love with him anymore you know? It seems I don't love him enough to overlook his cheap ways or the way his family is..... What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Adele0908 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 To me it sounds like you don't really want to be with your boyfriend any more and you're just looking for reasons to justify your desire to move on. There's nothing wrong with that. 3.5 years is a long time when you're 20. You should do what you feel is right for you. Also if you want him to offer to pay for things more, you have to let him pay when he wants to pay, and resist the urge to open your own wallet. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 If you doubt it it's because he's not the one. Take everything you said and add a mortgage to pay, a couple of teething kids in the mix, and you have yourself a nightmare marriage. You are very young, you were teenagers when you started dating, you are growing out of this relationship. You know there is better suited for you out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Winterina Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Even though you are very young girl, you still need a man rather than a boy. He does not offer you any security or protection from his family. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Family is part of the package. You don't just marry the person. You marry the whole family. I am very fortunate in that my ILs are delightful. I don't always understand them, but I do love them. Most people get their attitudes about money from their families. He is more like them, then you. If you already think he's cheap, that is unlikely to change. You two are young. Not every LTR survives the progression into adulthood. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Now you know where he gets his spending habits from eh? IMO you are too young to think about marriage, and secondly, now that you are an adult you need to experience life on your own. Maybe this is your subconscious telling you need to move on. To add I'm on the mother's side about getting paid back for the 150K. With that kind of money, no kid should get that kind of free ride. She is doing her a favor because the interest alone would be staggering. IMO kids are not entitled to their parents money unless they are dead. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 To add I'm on the mother's side about getting paid back for the 150K. I'm laughing because my tuition bills were about that high, in relative dollars. (It was a long time ago) I was very fortunate that my parents foot the bill but after I graduated as I was preparing to take a very difficult licensing exam, my mom handed my a detailed invoice for everything: tuition, room & board at school, food, clothes etc. She told me if I passed the licensing exam she'd rip up the bill but if I failed, I owed her all that money back. Boy was I motivated to study & pass! Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 ... It seems I don't love him enough to overlook his cheap ways or the way his family is..... What should I do? Multiple choice answer: (a) fall at his feet and beg to marry him (b) Pledge undying love, sincerity and unconditional loyalty to his parents © Find biggest and most expensive engagement ring you can, and lend him the money without condition, to buy it for you © end the relationship. I know which one I would choose. And it ain't the ring..... Link to post Share on other sites
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