Broke up via email, then later Ex in Car Accident (possible narcissist)

[lalalonely]

Hello everyone,

 

I am new to this forum and this is my first post...This is my story and I do not think that I feel bad about not responding or reaching out to my ex.

 

 

Background:

 

My ex bf and I met around 3 years ago. We "dated" on and off for about 5-6 months where he was constantly hot and cold. We would date for a few weeks and then all of a sudden tell me he did not want to date me anymore. The main reason was because the was "in love with his best friend" and their relationship was not completely resolved. I was understanding the whole time. However, after going MIA he would come back and say things like I only want to date you, etc. I would give it another go, until finally around the second or third time he went MIA. Each time I was more and more heartbroken. We had a final meeting and it wasn't the most pleasant conversation.

 

I really liked him and really wanted to get to know him, despite his being so hot and cold. It had been a while since I had really met someone who I thought was smart, funny, and we had great chemistry.

 

Throughout this time I was going through a depression, though I did not know what it was at the time. After the final goodbye, my depression grew worse. I would cry all day long over him and while I did not feel suicidal, I certainly felt like death would be a sweet relief.

 

I never contacted him after the final goodbye until about 1.5 years later when I called him regarding work (we are both in the finance industry). I was completely over him at this point.

 

However, the feelings came back as soon as I called. We were in different cities in Virginia and decided to met. We hit it off and started dating very seriously. We were BF and GF within a couple of weeks.

 

He came on very very strong from the beginning. He said I was the "one", he wanted "everything" with me including kids, he saw a future with me and wasn't scared, he wanted to move in right away, I met his son and ex-wife after the 2nd week, etc. He was very jealous at times, controlling, and we argued about politics often. He was financially irresponsible, smoked pot, etc. Despite this, we had a good relationship and he was fun to hang around with. I enjoyed being with him, but was really unsure if marriage was in our future as we had different core values.

 

Anyway, we were together for 1 year. First 6 months we were in the same city, but last 6 months in different cities, but we saw each other every weekend.

 

Breakup:

 

For about the last month of the R, he was starting to hang around other friends who were girls without telling me. We argued a bit about it, then toward the last week he moved in with one of his friends who was a girl (she had a BF).

 

One day, I told him that I did not want it and that it was difficult for me to deal with. He said we would talk about it later that day, but instead i got a break up email.

 

The email was cruel and completely blindsided me. Essentially the email said that he hadn't been happy with us in a long time and he was thinking about breaking up for a long time. He said he wanted to meet and hang out with other people. AND, he said that he would not answer his phone and wanted to be left alone. He said that maybe we could stay and contact and be friends in the future.

 

I never responded to this email. He sent a follow up email a couple of weeks later to see how I was and that he wanted to be friends. I never responded. He sent a facebook message saying he was thinking about me and hoped i was ok about 2 months after the breakup. I never responded.

 

Then a week later, I get a text message in the middle of the night saying he had been in a head on collision. That he was okay. That he thought about me and wished we were ok. I never responded.

 

Am I ok for not responding to the accident text?

 

Ultimately, I feel my ex is extremely selfish. When he wants you, he wants you. When he doesn't, he throws you out like trash.

 

Thank you!

[myheartaches]

You absolutely do not have to feel guilty not responding to his accident text. If you think that you will develop feelings again, don't put yourself through that. If, however, you are completely and utterly over him, it could always be nice being there for him (only if you DONT want him). He definitely wants the relationship on his terms and that's never good

[mightycpa]

Wow, you are one tough cookie to have not responded to that. I might have texted:

 

"I'm glad for you that you're OK, but you're dead to me."

 

No, just kidding. By not responding, I think you've sealed the deal. If he ever texts you again I'd be shocked.

[Amaraya]

This post makes me very happy and I'm totally proud of you. You absolutely did the right thing by not responding to any of that nonsense - including the oh-so-convenient car accident designed to guilt you into responding. This guy sounds like a nutjob and he's having a meltdown that he can't get you to respond in the way that he wants. Continue ignoring him. You are positively doing the right thing and that's so refreshing to see.

[evanescentworld]

The email was cruel and completely blindsided me. Essentially the email said that he hadn't been happy with us in a long time and he was thinking about breaking up for a long time. He said he wanted to meet and hang out with other people. AND, he said that he would not answer his phone and wanted to be left alone. He said that maybe we could stay and contact and be friends in the future.

 

I never responded to this email. He sent a follow up email a couple of weeks later to see how I was and that he wanted to be friends. I never responded. He sent a facebook message saying he was thinking about me and hoped i was ok about 2 months after the breakup. I never responded.

 

Then a week later, I get a text message in the middle of the night saying he had been in a head on collision. That he was okay. That he thought about me and wished we were ok. I never responded.

 

Am I ok for not responding to the accident text?

Thank you!

 

Good god, yes, absolutely wonderful, well done you!!

 

We need to pin this up somewhere for all the poor dumped folks who always ask questions like "It's her/his birthday, should I send...." or "So, s/he texted me with 'hey'... should I reply...?" and "My ex wants to borrow*thing* should I reply...?"

 

The answer to all of those, of course, is to respond to all of them, precisely as you have.

 

Fantastic, well done!

 

The only issue I can see, is that you're different, in that you see your ex for what he is. You see it, know it, recognise it, and understand it, so it's easier for you to deal with him, now the sappy shades are off...

 

Others are unfortunately still besotted, and clinging to any hope whatsoever....

[radiodarcy]

Am I ok for not responding to the accident text?

 

Absolutely. It sounds like he realized he made a mistake in sending that email and once he experienced the fallout from it - - which was you ignoring his "checking in" texts (well done by the way! ); he tried to up the ante.

 

I mean - - I'm not saying he wasn't in a car wreck. But hey - - he said he was fine. Sooo good for him.

 

Chances are had you responded to that (or any of his other messages) he would have gone right back to using you and the whole cycle would have repeated it itself. Good on you for not allowing yourself to get pulled back into it! And keep it up!!

[Zahara]

Then a week later, I get a text message in the middle of the night saying he had been in a head on collision. That he was okay. That he thought about me and wished we were ok. I never responded.

 

I have to wonder if it was a minor fender bender and he magnified it as a head on collision because the severity of it was a way of provoking you to respond. I wouldn't trust a word he says.

 

Am I ok for not responding to the accident text?

 

Don't question your judgment. Feel empowered by what you just did. Most would have fallen for it but you did the absolute right thing.

 

Ultimately, I feel my ex is extremely selfish. When he wants you, he wants you. When he doesn't, he throws you out like trash.

 

Well, now you've thrown out the trash.

 

Stay strong and keep moving forward. Don't ever contact him again.