PortoMarco11 Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 My girlfriend and I (18 months) decided to take a break from each other on Monday. Well she decided and I very reluctantly agreed. I believe breaks are stupid, if a couple has problems...shouldn't they iron them out together? Anyhow, here I am 3 days into the break (hating every single instance) with a firm NC rule applied. I have not called, e-mailed NOTHING since Monday. However she has emailed me, two nights ago she "MSN'ed" me and last night she called. Does this point to the break ending a favourable way? (one in which we stay together). Why or why not?
laRubiaBonita Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 maybe she is sick of your all or nothing attitude! dayum! be your own person right now, do what ever, just do sit and stew over this. if you think it is a bunch of bs, tell her it is over.....or that you want to work things out and not be apart. you are an equal part of the relationship, so you should have an equal vote in what goes on. do not become resentful and spiteful. be open and understanding of her, but hold your ground and explain yourself.
RoxStar Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 What were her reasons for wanting the break? Its hard to tell if this means she is ready for the break to be over. I would stick with the nc a little longer. 3 days might feel like its been an eternity but its not really long enough to call it a break. Did she leave you a message when she called you last night? Who initiated the nc rule? Just dont let her string you along. If this is a break then let it be a break and keep up with nc. If she wanted a break to date others then its not fair for her to contact you at this point. It all depends on the reason for the break I suppose.
sunshinegirl Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 Three months ago I suggested a break with my BF of 6 months...but my reasons for doing it were because HE was acting strange & distant. I wanted to give him some time to figure himself out, and not subject myself to wishy-washy behavior in which I didn't know if he wanted to be with me or not. I was SUPER clear about not wanting to break up with him. But after the break, he broke up with me. What reasons did your GF give for wanting the break?
Author PortoMarco11 Posted March 31, 2005 Author Posted March 31, 2005 Sunshine girl...I feel that is what will happen. I have worked my ass off trying to understand how a break helps the situation. What happened is that we have been dating for 18 months. The first 16 months were awesome, but the last two were subpar. In the last two months she got a new job that radically modified are availiablity, I have changed jobs twice, so naturally there have been outer factors that have contributed to these "two **** months". Last Monday we sat down and discussed on how to fix this, we over-reacted and panicked which created a limbo week. Last week we didn't know what we were. She said she needed 2-3 days to think about everything, 3 days later we spoke about it and she asked for some more time and I asked her if she could please put this behind her and for us to continue our relationship on Monday. Monday, after work, she calls me and tells me she needs a break. Of course I flip out (breaks only work out on TV Shows), we meet for dinner talk about it and agree to the No contact rule (albeit she agrees with reluctance). Since then she has broken the rule everyday. My girlfriend is annoyed by my negative attitude, though it is something I have worked on immensly since we started dating. It's very hard to change 25 years of mental programming over 18 months. I feel that I have made great strides in this but I think she expects me to be Super-Duper Happy/Optimistic all the time.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 A few days is not long enough to reverse the long slow process that led her to want to take a break in the first place. Right now she wants reassurance that you are still on the back burner, rather than a reconciliation. I expect the more silent you are, the harder she'll try to break your 'no contact'. Here's the kicker, as soon as you break it, she'll back off again. She wants to make sure you aren't going anywhere, but it doesn't necessarily mean she wants you back. Give it more time. Block her messages, txts, emails - take her off the MSN list. If she wants a break so bad, then give it to her. A firm, solid break which leaves her no choices or options but to make her decision: either she comes back as your girlfriend, or she is not to come back at all under any circumstances. Sometimes it takes a drastic choice to really make you evaluate what you have, how much it means to you, and whether or not you want to try again. Breaking 'no contact' will just allow her to take you for granted and she will be able to avoid the hard choices.
Author PortoMarco11 Posted April 6, 2005 Author Posted April 6, 2005 Well it seems that this break has ended and we are close to being together again. On Friday night I went to see her at work and we had a wonderful time. On Sunday we went out for a small meal and coffee, chatted and had fun like old times. However a new obstacle has presented itself. We clearly are at different stages in our lives. I am prepared for it all, ready to settle down and start my life. She, I suspect, is not. We have spoken about this in the past and she has told me that she is not quite there yet. One of the things that had caused our relationship to dwindle was the fact that we spent less and less time together. Our work schedules could not be more radically different. She is a musician; she works on Friday and Saturday nights. I work in Finance, Monday to Friday 9-5...you know the stereotype chit. We can never spend anytime on Friday-Saturday together (alone) because she works and even though I go see her perform nearly every weekend...she is working and thus cannot come over and speak to me all the time. I understand and respect that. Today I found out that her boss wants her to sing on Sunday's as well and that she is also considering hooking up with a band that frequently travels on weekends. That leaves the week right? The Monday-Thursday period after I finish work. Well on Tuesday she does community radio (so scratch that off the list) and Wednesday she has meetings at her community centre. So basically we're left with spending time together on Monday and Thursday after I finish work. I must say that this bothers me a lot, and I don't want her to stop following her dreams (she wants to sing in her native country). I strongly feel that she'll achieve those dreams, but I'm not sure if I take this. I'll never get to see her, I feel that we'll grow apart once more and this time we won't break but instead break-up. Can anyone give me some advice on how to tackle this situation? I want our relationship to work and grow but I feel that our career paths are going to force the end of our relationship.
BrotherAaron Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 It seems that you're close to getting back together according to who? Maybe you ought to talk to her about it, if that's what you're thinking... because, believe me, you would hate being wrong. When there is trouble like that, never take anything for granted.
Author PortoMarco11 Posted April 6, 2005 Author Posted April 6, 2005 Originally posted by BrotherAaron It seems that you're close to getting back together according to who? Maybe you ought to talk to her about it, if that's what you're thinking... because, believe me, you would hate being wrong. When there is trouble like that, never take anything for granted. We both concluded that gigantic progress was made over the weekend. Even talking over the phone felt like old times for both of us.
Author PortoMarco11 Posted April 7, 2005 Author Posted April 7, 2005 I went by her community centre today to surprise her. I know she finishes her Wednesday meetings at 20h00 every week. When I got there, she saw me and said she had another meeting at 20h30 with another association (radio). So naturally I turned around and went home Of course tomorrow I cannot see her since it's her rehearsal night with her band and friday, saturday she works.....
Author PortoMarco11 Posted April 9, 2005 Author Posted April 9, 2005 Well its over. We broke up last night. I'm at a loss for words, the relationship was outstanding up until right around the start of 2005. Then, all of a sudden/without warning, it just went downhill. I have no explanation. She has no explanation. Officially we are on an indefinite break, but it might as well be a complete breakup. I won't sit here and twiddle my thumbs waiting for her to make up her mind. Life is to short, life goes on.
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