My ex left me for someone else a year and a half ago, is still angry at me?!

[Kovu]

Bit of a strange one and I'll try to keep it as short as possible. A year and a half ago, my ex left me for someone else. I was obviously hurt but after 6 months, I'd cut off all contact and got on with life. She was with this person for a year, during which time, she discovered I was going to be working at a music festival she was going to (nothing to do with her being there, I got offered the job) and she kicked off BIG STYLE to a mutual friend saying that if it was her, she wouldn't have done it etc.

 

Fast forward a year and we'd managed to have a couple of civil texts, basically with me telling her I forgave her for what happened. She is now with someone else (this is all semantics) and found out the same mutual friend is coming travelling with me - and she got angry because I hadn't wanted to do it whilst I was with her (which is fair enough) I also recently decided to join a club at Uni for a sport, which I later found out my ex and her new bf are a part of so I offered that if she lets me know which days she is going, I'll just not go on those days out of respect for her and the new bf yet she kicked off AGAIN.

 

Why is she so angry?! I feel she see's it as me doing stuff because she's doing it but that's genuinely not the issue (and I have already told her this) so I don't understand. I don't want to be friends with her but I have a mutual friend who gets caught in the crossfire and I feel like I'm not able to do anything without her getting angry (and it's not TO me but to other people) I guess I'm just wondering if anyone can shed some light on the situation or advise me how to proceed?

[Ebelskiver]

Some women like to believe that the men they have left behind will forever pine after them. When it becomes obvious they've moved on, they can be hurt and can lash out. She may see you doing things that she always wanted to do with you and it could reignate some anger she used to have.

 

But honestly, who cares? It's nice of you to offer to go to club on different days but you really shouldn't. It's been long enough, you can go wherever with whomever you please. She's being immature. Don't play into her histrionics.

[Toodaloo]

Tell your ex to grow the hell up and move on because you have. Then no contact. If she happens to be at the same club at the same time just move away from her and ignore her.

 

Drama Queen... you dodged a bullet.

 

Try and do more that isn't anything to do with her.

 

Don't speak to mutual friend about her and keep her out of conversations.

[No Limit]

Go NC and stick to it. No need to waste thoughts on a nutjob.

[Kovu]

Thanks for the responses guys. I'm already back in No Contact with her anyway so that's not an issue, I suppose it's just frustrating that she is taking it out on my mutual friend and I can't work out why.

[stillafool]

She is irrelevant in your life right now, isn't she? Tell your friend to not tell you anything else about her and her bf or what she wants and doesn't want. It's not your problem. Go where you want to go and do what you want to do without worrying about her reaction. If you see them, speak if you want to and if you don't want to ignore. Just stay NC and ask people not to talk to you about her.

[Broom]

Keep ignoring her and don't even bother to text her for further accommodations. Why are you feeling bad or the one that keeps bending?

 

She cheated and left YOU.

[Kovu]

She is irrelevant in your life right now, isn't she? Tell your friend to not tell you anything else about her and her bf or what she wants and doesn't want. It's not your problem. Go where you want to go and do what you want to do without worrying about her reaction. If you see them, speak if you want to and if you don't want to ignore. Just stay NC and ask people not to talk to you about her.

 

 

Keep ignoring her and don't even bother to text her for further accommodations. Why are you feeling bad or the one that keeps bending?

 

She cheated and left YOU.

 

Thanks for the very sound advice guys. I guess I already KNEW what I need to do but like anything, sometimes you waiver because you want answers. I guess I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to be accommodating but apparently that just made her more angry. You are all correct though, I shouldn't waste any more time on thoughts of her (even if it's not in any capacity where I want to be with her etc) It's clearly down to issues that I might never know or understand and as she isn't part of my life anymore, that's the way it should be.

 

I guess it's just nice to be able to get it out here in a safe environment

[preraph]

She may genuinely feel you're following her like a stalker, coincidence or not, with the festival and the gym.

[Kovu]

She may genuinely feel you're following her like a stalker, coincidence or not, with the festival and the gym.

That is understandable, of course, but I can't be expected not to do the things I want to do just because she happens to be there. That's precisely why I was trying to be accommodating so that I DON'T bump in to her - the exact opposite of stalking.

[spiderowl]

Thanks for the very sound advice guys. I guess I already KNEW what I need to do but like anything, sometimes you waiver because you want answers. I guess I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to be accommodating but apparently that just made her more angry. You are all correct though, I shouldn't waste any more time on thoughts of her (even if it's not in any capacity where I want to be with her etc) It's clearly down to issues that I might never know or understand and as she isn't part of my life anymore, that's the way it should be.

 

I guess it's just nice to be able to get it out here in a safe environment

 

If you are contacting her about these things, i.e. the festival, the sports club, and so on, then you are engaging with her when she was not engaging with you. It might seem to you that you are being considerate, but to her you are getting involved with her calendar when she thought you'd both moved on. Is your friend telling her what you are doing and vice versa? If so, just tell the friend not to do this any more. Ignore her if you bump into her. If there is no engagement between you, she can't complain you are doing anything deliberately, unless you are.