hangingbyathread Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 ok so we are not together anymore but this subject is something that caused a lot of issues in our relationship ( her exs) . Since day One she was talking about her exs, she thought about one in particular almost every day and would tell me... every time we went somewhere that they had been, they were going to go, songs...ALOT of songs would remind her of her ex... i would make her cds as part of anniversary gifts and every second song she would do a look or mention it reminded her of this or that...the songs were old and new..she compared me to her exs NON stop... but would always insist she is over them and no longer "loved" them in that way but would always love them and miss them to some degree... she kept jewelry, clothing, cards, nude pics, perfumes..everything her ex gave her which made me super uncomfortable (we were engaged) but she was still wearing rings from her ex... i had enough of it and eventually she sold them..gave the teddies away but kept clothing and intimate clothing from her which i found messed up..her exs would msg her (a few different ones) and she would ask me if she could be friends with them... i said hell no..about a month into our relationship her ex gf wanted to meet up with her so she could get "closure" (they hadn't been together for over 6 months at that point) she agreed..met up with her... and turns out her ex just wanted to propose to her... that whole encounter did a lot of damage to our relationship... so question for all of you out there... when do you think its appropriate to talk about exs? how much is to much? also with sexual past...is it normal to constantly bring up your sexual past? she was constantly making me feel like a freak because i got angry about it a lot...
blackcat777 Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Those are all huge red flags... I'm sorry you had to deal with this. For sexual history, it's one thing to talk about me, my likes, what I'd like to try... I also want to know what my partner likes, what turns him on. That's the only bit that's relevant. My thinking is along the lines of there is no good that can ever come of the question of a person's number of partners... no good at all, no matter which way you twist it. Bringing up sex acts with exes is taking the wrong of that question and bringing it to a whole new level. You are definitely better off without this girl. Make sure the next one is completely open to and fixated on you. 1
Omei Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Pretty sure from everything you described you already know the answer to your question and you're more so just getting all this frustration out and off your chest. 1
Omei Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Oh btw just because of how it was written I am guessing this was a woman to woman relationship? And you too are a woman?
Author hangingbyathread Posted January 30, 2015 Author Posted January 30, 2015 It's amazing what you tend to overlook when you love someone... looking back i see all the wrong.. all the red flags..and at the time i did as well but when i brought up this issues or concerns i was made to feel like i was in the wrong...that i was the one that was not normal ( she was the second person i had been in a long term relationship with and the only girl i had been in a proper relationship with) so I started to believe that maybe i was wrong... Its amazing what people can make you believe really.... but thank you i do agree with that.. I think its completely unnecessary to bring up past sexual experiences..unless its something that has affected them... I very rarely talked about exs..i never felt the need to...spesh not sexually because i knew that would hurt her.... she always claimed that i was her soulmate... that she was crazy inlove with me...never loved anyone more and all that crap.... definitely something i wont tolerate in the future
Author hangingbyathread Posted January 30, 2015 Author Posted January 30, 2015 partly writing to get it off my chest yes...but also trying to get the general gist of what people thing is acceptable and not acceptable. Correct we are both women. 1
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