Mif Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 (edited) Hey guys, What does it mean when a man says he is in love, is best friends with his partner but has no connection? What Is he missing? Is there more than being in love and feeling a close friendship? I've heard this over and over again not only in my relationships but also in other people's. Are these men looking for an unachievable 'disney' type relationship that requires no effort and feels wonderful? Or is there a whole component to relationships that i just don't know about? Edited January 30, 2015 by Mif Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I wish I could offer some advice but I've never heard of a situation such as the one you are inquiring about. I hope others here are more of a help to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mif Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Im glad I'm not the only one. I always felt like being in love with my best friend was enough for me. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 (edited) Hey guys, What does it mean when a man says he is in love, is best friends with his partner but has no connection? What Is he missing? Is there more than being in love and feeling a close friendship? I've heard this over and over again not only in my relationships but also in other people's. Are these men looking for an unachievable 'disney' type relationship that requires no effort and feels wonderful? Or is there a whole component to relationships that i just don't know about? My ex of 6 years and I shared an extremely strong "connection", so I'll try and describe what it meant to us; We laughed together like children. We used to just crack each other up all the time. Laughter was so free and easy with each other. No one has ever made me laugh like she did. I could have had the worst day, yet she'd always figure out a way to make me smile. We shared a way of seeing the world. While we had our differences of opinion, we deeply enjoyed discussing things, debating, talking about books we'd read, or things we'd seen. She was easily the *most* interesting person I have ever met. We used to talk for HOURS and never run out of things to talk about. I didn't have to try to be interested, neither did she. We were just *into* what the other person was saying. She was hands down my favorite person to spend time with. We shared similar values. At our core, the things we cared about deeply were the same. Very seldom did I find myself thinking "Man, I don't know why you care about X so much.. that seems so trivial?!" We challenged each other. I grew so much because of her. She forced me to really look hard at my beliefs and change for the better. She did the same. Finally, there were the moments of deep expression. When someone digs deep and shares, really shares and makes themselves vunerable. When they open up and tell you something that is deeply personal to them. Yet, the second they speak it, you feel it echo in your own heart and share a moment of understanding. Never before have I ever felt as understood, as in those moments. That two people could really fundamentally understand each other. That's what connection means to me. That said, in my 36 years, it has happened once. Just once. I've dated other women, I've felt great affection for them, even love. But nothing like what I shared with my ex. That said, she's my ex, so it only goes to show that an amazing connection doesn't serve as a "cure all" for relationship struggles. A deep connection doesn't protect you from making mistakes, from taking things for granted, or mishandling your relationship. It just makes it next to impossible to get over. Edited January 30, 2015 by neowulf 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mif Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Wow, i feel like i had this in both of my sisignificant relationships. Do you think a connection can be onesided? Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Wow, i feel like i had this in both of my sisignificant relationships. Do you think a connection can be onesided? I think early on, it's easy to get swept up and see things that may not be there. To feel a powerful attraction on your side, that causes you to overlook the fact your partner may not feel as strongly. It's pretty common for couples to not have exactly equal levels of investment in a relationship, for one partner to feel much stronger. So yes, I guess the feeling of connection could be one sided. Loving someone because of who they are doesn't require that they love you back. Link to post Share on other sites
D.Mc. Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Hey guys, What does it mean when a man says he is in love, is best friends with his partner but has no connection? What Is he missing? Is there more than being in love and feeling a close friendship? Hi Mif, On OLD whenever you see that in a posting, it's a reference to something sexual, like "she's my best friend but we are living like platonic friends instead of lovers" etc. Usually used by married or attached men who want to have sex with another woman. I guess you could be in love with someone & be totally in sync with them over everything but sex, but I doubt it, barring some physical inability on the part of the other person that developed later on?? If a man can say he loves you & your his "soul mate" then physical attraction is part & parcel of that so I don't know what other "connection" he could be missing if it wasn't the sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mif Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 That's my confusion. My ex says he was in love but not connected with me. But sex was no issue (his libido was lower than mine). Maybe there was something else that was missing. I guess ill never get a definite answer. Link to post Share on other sites
girl-in-boots Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Hi Mif, On OLD whenever you see that in a posting, it's a reference to something sexual, like "she's my best friend but we are living like platonic friends instead of lovers" etc. Usually used by married or attached men who want to have sex with another woman. I guess you could be in love with someone & be totally in sync with them over everything but sex, but I doubt it, barring some physical inability on the part of the other person that developed later on?? If a man can say he loves you & your his "soul mate" then physical attraction is part & parcel of that so I don't know what other "connection" he could be missing if it wasn't the sex? I have to disagree with this part. I loved my ex to bits he was my soulmate without any doubt and we had a really deep connection but unfortunately the sex was tedious. We did discuss it many times but it never changed. It did eventually drive a huge wedge between us because I knew I wasn't going to want to live my whole life yearning for a decent sex life. Personally for me a great relationship is about the physical as well as the emotional and I see many friends whose brilliant relationships have failed because they didn't think the sex side of it was important. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
T732979 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 My guess is: This person isn't telling you the entire truth. I am a believer that EVERYONE is looking for those 2 things in a relationship. In love and being best friends..........BUT there is a hidden grey area that both sides hold deep inside and will never admit it in public because it makes them seem very shallow. For men: Someone who is physically pretty and out of their league For women: Someone who earns way more money than them I believe that when people are searching for a mate, the love and friendship is essential BUT, if they already found love and friendship, some people refuse to settle for 2 out of 3 of the qualities they THINK matter.........My theory is these idiots WILL eventually burn the best bridges they ever had and when those people try and crawl back, it will be the best feeling in the world to say, Get Lost! Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Hey guys, What does it mean when a man says he is in love, is best friends with his partner but has no connection? What Is he missing? Is there more than being in love and feeling a close friendship? It sounds as if there was no physical connection, including sexual chemistry. Maybe he wanted you to initiate more sexually. Or maybe he wanted you to indulge in his fantasies, or wanted you to express yours. You're better off asking the man directly for a better answer. Link to post Share on other sites
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