SawtoothMars Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I've thought about this logically and I know I shouldn't care. The number of men she's been with is honestly none of my business. The crazy part is I'm somewhat envious of her. I've always wanted to have a threesome. I've always wanted to have random sexual encounters. But I don't have the personality for it or at least I never gave it any real effort. I'm 28 and feel like I've wasted my twenties playing video games and jerking off. Including my current gf I've only been with three people. First... Yes it IS your business. You have a right to choose what kind of person to be in a relationship with. Second... the problem is you feel an imbalance in your relationship because of this. SHE is the one constantly dragging this crap up. I would not put up with this kind of behavior myself. It is a sign of a low character person, plus she has a history of hard drugs... not good. I'd say you better get out there and experience more of this stuff before you settle down. Also... don't try to turn the town bicycle into a steady GF. 1
elaine567 Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I'd say you better get out there and experience more of this stuff before you settle down. Also... don't try to turn the town bicycle into a steady GF. Wow! Go out my son, enjoy the pleasures of the flesh, fill your boots BUT dump the slut. Ever heard of double standards? 2
SawtoothMars Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Wow! Go out my son, enjoy the pleasures of the flesh, fill your boots BUT dump the slut. Ever heard of double standards? What do you expect him to do all this stuff while still dating her? Maybe you think she will forgive him if he brings her an 8ball of blow? I'm suggesting that because this thing is a big deal to him... that he either find someone similar to himself or get more experience. I would technically say the same to any woman with this issue as well. 1
SawtoothMars Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 No reason to mention the double standard I don't think. It's pretty much common knowledge that many men feel this way, just like many women are in favor of equality until the subject of who should pay for dates comes up. I seriously can't talk to a little kid without someone assuming I'm a creep or molester. Honestly there are so damn many double standards that I've just learned to live with and not bitch about. I think because women have almost no gender expectations and few double standards many never really figure out how to just live with it, so they complain non stop. OP needs to realize this issue will dig away at him forever unless he deals with it. Plus drugees of any sex mad bad romantic partners.
Maleficent Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I read in another article by someone from the Kinsley Institute that it's the fear of being constantly compared to past lovers. That's why the number matters so much to men. As the article put it it's easier to compete with two men instead of fifty. I think most of us at least want to believe that we are the best our partners have ever had. I'm not so naïve to actually believe it but it would be nice. Really, I would think it is a lot easier to compare three men's performances clearly than 50...
compulsivedancer Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I've had 6 male roommates and never slept with any of them. Roommate does not mean bedmate.
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 The unfortunate part is that these other guys realized she was just for fun and didnt see her as relationship material...and then along strolls a guy like you who'd be considering wife-ing her up. I can't believe anyone would think in such a small-minded manner! I've had many sexual partners compared to some (almost 20), I'd say half of those were within relationships, whether years long or of several months length, but a good half were with people I wasn't in a relationship with, and can honestly say that in the majority of those unions, it was me that didn't want to take things any further into a relationship or exclusivity. The notion that a woman with many sexual partners has just been seen as a semen dump by the guys she's slept with is unfounded until you get an idea of that particular person's history. While there are men/women who sleep around and seem to constantly go for people who want nothing more from them than sex, for the majority of people they've had many partners with whom they were the ones to turn down commitment, as well as some where they wanted more than their sexual partner. For some reason I seem to be skewed towards being the one not wanting any more but to paint all women with the same brush of the men refusing commitment while the women chase it, whoever it's with, is a phenomenally outdated and outmoded view in the modern world.
Eaglestar83 Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Ok so am going to give a slight dieffen take on this issue. I think I get it where the OP is coming from. Ultimately I think we all need people who are compatible with us. If the OP has not had much experience he is always going to feel jealous of her past. Also, to some people, sex and intimacy is a special thing that should only be shared with few, and special, people. If one partner has had numerous flings and relationships then it obviously says something about them, I.e. they are experimenting, get bored easily, commitment phones etc (no negative connotation here, just stating facts). So back to the OP, if you are looking for a long term relationship, what you need to figure out is whether this girl has moved on from that sort of lifestyle or whether she is still in it. If she is still in it, there is good probability this relationship won't last for long because you are just another number on her list. Remember, in life the are thresholds, and when you cross them, it is hard to go back. If she is used to having lots of short terms, unless she has matured up and decided to settle, then this won't be any different. If all you want is a short. Term, then just enjoy and all the above is irrelevant....
Eaglestar83 Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Basically, this situation is the equivalent of a girl dating a player. If he is not retiring from the game, the girl will just be another one of his adventures
you_can_not_see_me Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Everyone is just giving an extra dose of shame to the OP. "How dare he feel this way!" is basically what most are saying. I don't think that really helps OP much at all, instead here is my opinion: OP its totally fine that you feel this way. Your feelings come from a genuine place and I don't think you feel this way because you want to oppress your GF in anyway. I think the root of your feelings have to do with the intrinsic desire all humans are born with to be the center, to be special. Its a natural outcome of only having one reference frame. If we all got the chance to live as multiple people through out our lives, this characteristic would have lessened greatly. Now what do I mean by all this. simple, understand that you don't need to be the best lover your GF ever had. In fact you probably aren't. But what you are and what you share with your GF is unique. In spite of your girlfriend's many sexual partners, she has never experienced this unique experience. Remember, relationships and sex, aren't quantifiable experiences so a comparison is as useless as comparing apples and oranges. 1
Moy Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 Just make sure you dont end up like this: Snapshots RedditLog
Otter2569 Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 I think its actually a normal guy thing to feel this way sometimes but dont let it get the best of you. My GF said she was a "slut" for a while (which I hate to hear) and that she used to go to the dance club in a tank top and no bra - 34DD (I would love to see that) but then I put it in perspective she had sex at 17 (late by some standards) and was preg / married at 20) so how many could there really be? I honestly dont want to know! After getting divorced shes said she had periodic casual sex with a guy (again not what I lie to hear) and had a threesome (M/F/F). Like you, I never did this and am a bit jealous / turned on by it. Though she said it was awkward and not that good. Shes even showed me her journal where said stated several times in the last few years that things are great in her life except that she is not having sex and is waiting to meet someone good. All Things considered its not a big deal and i shake it off / act like its nothing. I was in the military, have been over seas and went to college so I know my experiences are varied and wild - just not a M/F/F threesome (every mans dream). We love each other and I am completely secure in our relationship but I really dont care for hearing about her past. In fairness she hates hearing about my past also so we rarely talk about it (brought her to a cook out last summer and we received comments from several people "so your the new one?", "he is like a revolving door" needless to say that caused some tension). We do tons of wild ****, have plenty of sex and have a great relationship but I think its the thought of her having care free wild sex that causes these feelings to pop up- for what ever reason. I have never said anything. when it comes up i just smile or add a story of my own and let it go. You cant change the past but you can enjoy the present 1
Dirt Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 I'd move on. Also, how long ago was the hard drug thing? Sure, it's the past but never in a million years would I think trying hard drugs is a good idea. To me the mentality to even try that would scream run.
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