RBLL Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 How long does it usually take to get a date on a dating site? My new year resolution is to meet a woman this year. Last time it took over a year. Is this typical?
fluidian Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 It depends...I have met a lot of women from online sites in the past, and usually if the goal is simply a date, maybe a week (if not a lot less) - you'll start chatting with them within a 1-3 days and make plans to meet a few days later. That said, a relationship, or even sex, is quite a bit different...I have found that a lot of online dates end at the first date - simply because if it's not an absolutely amazing first date, and the other person knows it's very easy to get a different first date, they'll frequently opt for a different first date and a low chance that that other first date is amazing... Basically, online dating is nice in that it's easy to meet people, but at the same time, that's also the problem, as a few e-mails hardly defines any sort of commitment, and a few e-mails with some one else gets them a new first date...first dates are easy - more is a whole lot more challenging. As for how long it takes to find a good match - I don't think a year is atypical... Best of luck!
kendahke Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 How long does it usually take to get a date on a dating site? My new year resolution is to meet a woman this year. Last time it took over a year. Is this typical? It really varies. Some years, I didn't get any dates. Other years, I've gotten maybe one or two and I lost interest and did other things and came back to it. I think the better thing to do is make sure your time is occupied so that you're not looking at the clock or calendar and putting pressure on yourself for an outcome that is pretty much out of your control. These things happen when they happen. Last thing you want to do is to come across looking desperate for a woman--you may attract the wrong person to you doing that.
Author RBLL Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 That's what I was afraid of. I'm not talking about finding a good match. I'm talking about getting a date. If it takes me a year to get a first date, I must be doing it wrong. Or maybe it's the wrong site. Time to regroup. Thanks for the info!
fluidian Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 RBLL, If all you want is a date, regardless of connection, it should take no where near a year. When I mentioned a year, it was more to find a relationship. If it's taking you that long to get a single date, I'd try a different site, reach out to more people, and likely change your profile spiel. I just activated an account on a dating site (OkCupid) - which is probably not a good idea given my situation as described in a few other posts, but have already had 2 very attractive and successful women ask me out for drinks within 2 days, and a few others will likely transition into dates as well. That said, I may be an outlier in the online dating world, due to some probable, attractive attributes (appearance, income, job and life experience), but a year just for a date seems like a very long time.
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 How long does it usually take to get a date on a dating site? My new year resolution is to meet a woman this year. Last time it took over a year. Is this typical? Took me about a month and a half. I had to get a lot of rejections to get to that date. However, the greater concern for me is my pool is just about done. Only a very small minority of women will give me a chance, and that pool has been nearly fished bone dry.
Author RBLL Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 Yeah, a year is a lot of clock watching. I'm on OKCupid, and trying POF again. Last time I was on POF it took over a year to get anyone to talk to me. We hit it off so good we were engaged a year later, but it fell apart. So here I am again. You say the women are asking you out? That's amazing. I was thinking about Ourtime. It's a pay site, but the free ones aren't working for me. I'll check into it.
Author RBLL Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 I'm wondering if it's better to send a quick hello or write a big long email. I've tried both. Neither seems to work.
oberkeat Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 I was getting messages from girls right away. But getting actual 'dates' took a couple of months. It seems like my cycle is: sign up on OLD, get a couple crappy dates every month or so, decide online dating is a cesspool, quit for 4-6 months, then sign up again. I've had dates, but I haven't found anything that lasted more than 1-2 dates, which sucks.
fluidian Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 I'm wondering if it's better to send a quick hello or write a big long email. I've tried both. Neither seems to work. RBLL, A quick hello usually won't work, and a long e-mail can come across as a bit creepy. ~75 words is about right for a first letter (a bit longer thereafter) - definitely mention a few things from their profile, be a bit humorous, but not overkill, and maybe a quick, somewhat generic compliment, like, "you seem awesome", or, "you're totally cute"...but usually near the close of the message, so it seems more like an afterthought as opposed to the principal reason that you're writing. That makes the message long enough to seem personalized, not creepy, and allows you to add a bit of personality, while also not taking up a ton of time...the problem with long first messages is that you immediately seem over-invested. It can work, but if you consider the typical, relatively low response rate from women, do you really want to spend all that time writing a first message, maybe seeming a bit creepy, and then not get a response? I'd pass - more content can always be filled later when you have their attention and they're looking for your message in their inbox... Good luck!
hopefullove Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 How long does it usually take to get a date on a dating site? My new year resolution is to meet a woman this year. Last time it took over a year. Is this typical? how long to get a date? seconds!!!! how long to find a suitable match? for my current love that I am finally certain and happy with, 2 years that consisted of a lot of dating!!!!
oberkeat Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 I wouldn't put so much effort into crafting messages, because, really, online dating is a waste of time. If there were any single girls worth dating, they wouldn't need the Internet to get dates.
Author RBLL Posted January 30, 2015 Author Posted January 30, 2015 I wouldn't put so much effort into crafting messages, because, really, online dating is a waste of time. If there were any single girls worth dating, they wouldn't need the Internet to get dates. Well, where are they? She won't be sitting in a bar, or at some wild party, or in a church. I've never approached a woman, and I'm not going to try it in a grocery store. That doesn't much else other than online... 1
hopefullove Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 I wouldn't put so much effort into crafting messages, because, really, online dating is a waste of time. If there were any single girls worth dating, they wouldn't need the Internet to get dates. I'm a beautiful, loyal, loving, charming, genuine girl with a busy career, I used OLD because 1. I don't want to date someone I work with!!!! WORST IDEA EVER!!! 2. I don't have any interest in dating my friends or their friends 3. I am really busy and I don't have time to go out and meet someone from a small sample of wherever I may go. 4. I have specific tastes in men... therefore, OLD was the best option for me because I got to filter and meet many different guys to date, and I've tried them all. I finally met my love on eharmony, if you are really serious about finding someone with the same mindset of wanting a serious relationship, I would suggest a paid site. Eharmony was terrible for me for a while because I was like I PAID FOR THIS????? as in, the calibre of men, I was dissatisfied with... but, be patient and you'll find your gem! Also, I have a lot of female friends who have found people on OLD, all professional female in our early 30s with good careers and several degrees, have our own place in the city, who come from loving and caring families, are loyal, and kind, just really good people, who otherwise, do not have time. I mean, when you're a lawyer or a professional who has deadlines and has to work into the evening and weekends, it's hard to have time to look for someone to date! I am really luck that all my friends are good, well adjusted, and successful people, so maybe that's my own experience. 1
organizedchaos Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 How long does it usually take to get a date on a dating site? My new year resolution is to meet a woman this year. Last time it took over a year. Is this typical? How long does it take? As long as it takes.
Author RBLL Posted January 30, 2015 Author Posted January 30, 2015 Well, so much for Ourtime.com Nothing but bad reviews. False flirts, phony profiles, intentional overbilling, no customer support number. Maybe I'll try Match or Zoosk? Anyone have experience with those?
fluidian Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Well, so much for Ourtime.com Nothing but bad reviews. False flirts, phony profiles, intentional overbilling, no customer support number. Maybe I'll try Match or Zoosk? Anyone have experience with those? RBLL - over the years I've tried a bunch and have generally had the best luck with OKCupid and Match.com. Match is obviously a pay site, OKCupid be free - I think Zoosk is free, some people also like Plenty of Fish (free), and you could always try Tinder. One of my friends got married to someone he met on eHarmony, but I didn't like their service when I tried it (but some clearly do). Online dating is a numbers game, and you want as many active users on the site as possible. The problem with many pay sites is that while the users may log-on, a ton of them don't pay, meaning they can't respond to you even if they wanted to. Match.com seems to have the most paying members, which is likely followed by eHarmony. What this means is that the best sites are those that are free (so you know everyone can respond), and those with the largest number of paying members in your area (probably Match.com likely distantly followed by eHarmony). In checking out the free services - I'd use the service that has had the most people in your area that have logged on to the service in the last day, not the total number of matches it gives you (as some may not have logged on for 6+months).
Author RBLL Posted January 31, 2015 Author Posted January 31, 2015 I got on match. I'm reading profiles, and most of these ladies want a man at least 6' tall. Even the short ladies do. WTF
insert_name Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 I got on match. I'm reading profiles, and most of these ladies want a man at least 6' tall. Even the short ladies do. WTF Thats the problem with Match, you pay the money and then find that you don't qualify to message most of the women. Women are almost always after a guy 6 ft or taller in online dating and on match they are sometimes having to be earning over a certain amount too! You also don't know who can even message you so its potentially money being thrown down a drain. To give it some perspective, I got a few dates from OK Cupid whilst on Match from 12 messages sent I didn't get a single reply (and FWIW I'm over 6ft!).
Phoe Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 I wouldn't put so much effort into crafting messages, because, really, online dating is a waste of time. If there were any single girls worth dating, they wouldn't need the Internet to get dates. I'm nothing special, but I think I'm worth dating. Maybe not to everyone, but to someone. 1
Author RBLL Posted January 31, 2015 Author Posted January 31, 2015 I'm nothing special, but I think I'm worth dating. Maybe not to everyone, but to someone. I am worth dating too, especially since I've learned the hard way when to run the other way. I know what I want, and when I find her I'll fight to keep her.
RedRobin Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 I personally don't know of a single person who married someone they met online. A few people found dates and maybe a relationship or two that ultimately fizzled out after a few weeks or months... but everyone I know ultimately settled down with someone they met through their social circle, work, or friends. As for me, I keep up a profile that I check occasionally. However, I've never met a guy online who was worth a damn, so expectations are very low. Plus the anonymity makes a-holes out of lots of people. Both men and women. IRL, if someone is a jerk or a liar, there are consequences. That's how it should be, in my opinion.
Author RBLL Posted January 31, 2015 Author Posted January 31, 2015 I personally don't know of a single person who married someone they met online. A few people found dates and maybe a relationship or two that ultimately fizzled out after a few weeks or months... but everyone I know ultimately settled down with someone they met through their social circle, work, or friends. I met my second wife online. We married too soon tho and didn't take the time to really know each other. The few friends I have are all married, and I work with just 4 other guys. I really don't have other options besides going online. Hoping..........
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