meseed-up Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 I have been reading on here for about a week now and have decided to write what is going on with my wife and I. Well to start off we have been separated for 2 weeks. It is by choice and not a "legal" separation. I have not been the best husband that there is. We have been married for 9 months and during those nine months I have done things that I regret doing. One thing is she caught me laying on top of one of her friends. We din't do anything no kissing sex just I was pretty much leaning on top of her. I know that I should not have done that and not to use this as an excuse but all of were drunk. I regret that it ever happened because I am not that type of guy to do something like that. The other things are that I have lied to a couple of times a been caught lying. I can't rember the lies that I told her but I did it and I shouldn't have. I have not always been there when she has needed me to be. So now that we are separated I have seeked help from a counselor to try an figure myself out and to why I might do the things I do. I have been trying so hard to tell her that she really is the love of my life and that us being separated has shown me how much I really do love her. All she has asked for is that she needs her space to think things over. But I just keep calling her and going to our house to see because I am afraid that the longer we are apart the less likely we will get back together. Basically what I am searching for is someone that might have been in the same situation and can help me understand why she won't think about US. She keeps saying that I need to figure myself out and she needs to figure herself out. Do you think from what I have told you that there will be a chance that we will get back together or do I need to start thinking of other things to get my ducks in a row. Any help is appreciated. I really do love her and the only thing that I want in this world right now is to be with her. Thanks in advance.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 See the problem with your situation is that once you change, go get help, counseling, etc, you go back to being together and things will eventually go back to "normal" Normal being the same boat your in. It always happens. You start to get comfortable again and your right back to square 1. How old are you? Maybe your not mature enough to understand what a marriage is. Do you have a reason for your lying? Obviously its something your not supposed to be doing. As for lying on top of her friend, thats just stupid. I think you need to get the frat boy out of you before you make a serious commitment.
RecordProducer Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 She is thinking about you, but that's not enough. Your goal is not to bring her back. Your goal is to make her happy. We are not lying to our partners, because we love them, not because we can get caught. Are you ashamed of your actions, is that why you're lying? If not then don't lie! If yes then start acting according to your moral value system so that you don't need to lie about what you've done or will do. We all like living with honest and stable people. Words should follow actions and if you said you did something, it means you did it. If you say you'll do it, means you will. If you say you won't then you won't. Remember that or you will never be taken seriously. You will not only need to re-gain her trust and bring her home, but keep it that way by acting like a man she desires to live with. Take this as a warning; next time she will leave for good! Now go buy her a wonderful present and flowers (with a romantic card saying how much you love her and how sorry you are) and ask her to see you for a minute in front of her door. Be sweet and ask her to go out to dinner with you. If she accepts, she's yours. If not, she's not ready yet. That much I can help you, the rest is up to you.
Author meseed-up Posted April 1, 2005 Author Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue See the problem with your situation is that once you change, go get help, counseling, etc, you go back to being together and things will eventually go back to "normal" Normal being the same boat your in. It always happens. You start to get comfortable again and your right back to square 1. How old are you? Maybe your not mature enough to understand what a marriage is. Do you have a reason for your lying? Obviously its something your not supposed to be doing. As for lying on top of her friend, thats just stupid. I think you need to get the frat boy out of you before you make a serious commitment. First of all I see where you are coming from. Yes I know I really screwed up. You think that I will go back to the way that I was before all this happened. That's not true. I love her more than anything in this world and you will not understand that because you don't know me. I am 30 and all this happened about 6 months ago. For you to call me a frat boy really is uncalled for. I never joined a frat because I didn't want to be like them and treat people with no respect. Granted I have done that but I have learned from my mistakes and I am willing to do whatever it takes to show and to prove not only to her but to myself that I can be a good husband.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by meseed-up First of all I see where you are coming from. Yes I know I really screwed up. You think that I will go back to the way that I was before all this happened. That's not true. I love her more than anything in this world and you will not understand that because you don't know me. I am 30 and all this happened about 6 months ago. For you to call me a frat boy really is uncalled for. I never joined a frat because I didn't want to be like them and treat people with no respect. Granted I have done that but I have learned from my mistakes and I am willing to do whatever it takes to show and to prove not only to her but to myself that I can be a good husband. Well than I think you should fight for her and do whatever it takes to get her back and show her that you can change. Good luck! And I apologize.
augustkay Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 I hope I can help you.... I am a women who has left her husband and he wants me back as well and I refuse to try. The reason is Im not in love with him anymore... I tell him but he doesnt believe me. I think you need to give her the space she wants and probably needs. I think that you are doing a great thing by seeking counseling... I need to do the same. It all starts with you not your partner. Try to find out why you are doing the things your doing and you may have to accept that she doesnt want you back but at least you can start out with YOU being healthy for your next relationship.
Firesqueak Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 First of all, if you did it, then you are that kind of guy. Don't kid yourself. I myself was a one time cheater. I have not done it since, but that doesn't mean that I couldn't- I just choose not to. Anyway, moving on from my diatribe- You have gotta curb that part of yourself that need attention from everyone. Better yet, become ok with youself so that you don't NEED attention from every one. Once you fix that, you'll not only be a happier guy, you'll be a better husband. :-)
Devildog Posted April 2, 2005 Posted April 2, 2005 First things first. Stop calling her, stop going by there. Let her have some space to actually think. The clingy, in her face protestations of undying love is not the best course of action at this point. Been there, done that, DIVORCED. You are headed in the right direction with getting counseling. Be serious about that. Do alot of serious soul searching on your own. Learn about who you are and if you know there are areas you have problems with, try to find out why and deal with them. Take this opportunity to find out who meseed-up really is. Do as she said and focus on you. Do some of the things that interest you and make you happy. How long have you known your wife? What were the things that attracted her to you in the first place? Have those aspects of you changed? Probably. It almost always does. But I would be willing to bet that some of those qualities that initially attracted her to you were things like confidence. Your actions right now are not confident. Don't feel bad, situations like this, it is a natural instinct to profess your love, get clingy and desperate. You want to show her how much she means to you. But in reality, situations like this, your instincts are your worst enemy. Don't trust your instincts here.
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