Maxie Max Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 My boyfriend is still friends with his ex. They divorced after 2 months of marriage. They argued every single day. He moved on and has been dating me ever since and she moved on and has been in multiple situations. There was a phase where he never heard from her unless it was to brag about her new relationship which never lasted. I've started to notice that she posts things about me on social media. As I told him, this is very very childish behavior and it is disrespectful. As I told him, if this was some random person - I wouldn't care but this is supposed to be a friend of his. I dont' think I should have to tolerate that type of behavior from one of his friends and that she should be respectful to not just me but all his friends. that's if she is claiming to be his friend. With it upsetting me, per say, he said that he'd say something to her about it. That he can't control her but he would say something to her about it. She deleted her social media accounts, came back to delete him, added him back then deleted him from everything again. Just childish. Is it wrong for me to ask him to cut ties with her completely if she can't act right?
Omei Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 No I don't think it's wrong of you to request that at all. I find it very odd he's willing to have her on his social media knowing shes acting this way towards you. If someone was doing this to my partner yes id say something if it continues after id have no choice but to remove them from the picture entirely. Hopefully she will stop once he says something. In general keeping in contact with ex's is weird to me. 3
Gaeta Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 He can claim all he wants she is a 'friend' she is still and will always be an ex disrespectful toward you. I would expect my boyfriend to block her with no discussion about it. 2
Author Maxie Max Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 Who gets married and is then filing for a divorce not even a month or 2 later? She is miserable.
Erised Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Your partner shouldn't tolerate anyone disrespecting you, and you shouldn't need to say something for him to deal with it. 3
Author Maxie Max Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 Your partner shouldn't tolerate anyone disrespecting you, and you shouldn't need to say something for him to deal with it. Oh, I feel the same as you. When I said something to him about it, he said that he had already said something to her about it multiple times and would again. I said that clearly whatever he is doing isn't effective and that if she doesn't get that act right in her, that "friendship" should end. 1
carhill Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 IMO, people are free to make whatever choices they desire. In relationships, choices have consequences. To put a finer point on it, no, his friends, including his ex, aren't required to respect you. No, he isn't required to 'make them' respect you. You are not required to associate with anyone who disrespects you. 3
Erised Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Oh, I feel the same as you. When I said something to him about it, he said that he had already said something to her about it multiple times and would again. I said that clearly whatever he is doing isn't effective and that if she doesn't get that act right in her, that "friendship" should end. At some point, I would have to say, "If you cannot draw firm boundaries with her, or she will not respect those boundaries and you allow that to continue, I will have to respect my personal boundaries of not being involved with anyone who brings that drama into my life." And cut. I hope he actually deals with it this time, and it doesn't come to that.
Author Maxie Max Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 At some point, I would have to say, "If you cannot draw firm boundaries with her, or she will not respect those boundaries and you allow that to continue, I will have to respect my personal boundaries of not being involved with anyone who brings that drama into my life." And cut. I hope he actually deals with it this time, and it doesn't come to that. That's my plan. 1
oberkeat Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 (edited) Your partner shouldn't tolerate anyone disrespecting you, and you shouldn't need to say something for him to deal with it. Agreed. The fact that he seems to be completely alright with her behavior towards you bothers me. She's causing drama in his current relationship, and he's doing nothing about it. Edited January 29, 2015 by oberkeat
Author Maxie Max Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 Agreed. The fact that he seems to be completely alright with her behavior towards you bothers me. She's causing drama in his current relationship, and he's doing nothing about it. What he said to me was that he has said something to her about it multiple times, told her that she was causing drama etc. By said something, I mean "cussed at"
Blade96 Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Glad I'm not the only one who noticed it's very hard to be friends with someone when you or they - don't like their or your, partner and can't be cool. I agree. Hard. He might have to end it.
Author Maxie Max Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 Glad I'm not the only one who noticed it's very hard to be friends with someone when you or they - don't like their or your, partner and can't be cool. I agree. Hard. He might have to end it. Very. I make a point to not even share mutual friends with people that I don't like. It just doesn't work. Sometimes just them bringing up the person that you dont' like is irritating. If they are going through something with the person and talking about it with you makes it even harder
oberkeat Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 What he said to me was that he has said something to her about it multiple times, told her that she was causing drama etc. By said something, I mean "cussed at" The way I respond to people I don't like or who are causing me problems is to ignore them. If having a word with this girl isn't making things better, he needs to cut her off altogether.
preraph Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 There are some guys who enjoy this kind of thing to a point. It feeds their ego and for themselves, they see no harm in it and may think it makes them look like they're sought after to others, so they like it. You have every right to get him to block her if he wants to stay with you because she's obviously stirring up trouble. There are plenty of guys who would enjoy two women fighting over them. Come down hard on him and tell him from now on, she has zero access to info about you and him because if he doesn't feel a protective instinct to protect you from that crap, he's not a great guy.
kendahke Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 My boyfriend is still friends with his ex. They divorced after 2 months of marriage. They argued every single day. He moved on and has been dating me ever since and she moved on and has been in multiple situations. There was a phase where he never heard from her unless it was to brag about her new relationship which never lasted. I've started to notice that she posts things about me on social media. As I told him, this is very very childish behavior and it is disrespectful. As I told him, if this was some random person - I wouldn't care but this is supposed to be a friend of his. I dont' think I should have to tolerate that type of behavior from one of his friends and that she should be respectful to not just me but all his friends. that's if she is claiming to be his friend. With it upsetting me, per say, he said that he'd say something to her about it. That he can't control her but he would say something to her about it. She deleted her social media accounts, came back to delete him, added him back then deleted him from everything again. Just childish. Is it wrong for me to ask him to cut ties with her completely if she can't act right? You should most certainly tell him that he needs to tell her to stop harassing you, but it's more troubling that he can't open up that can of 'act right' of his own volition and step to her without you having to say anything. To me, this is a 'duh' moment. If the tables were turned, he'd most certainly tell you to check your boy.
Author Maxie Max Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 You should most certainly tell him that he needs to tell her to stop harassing you, but it's more troubling that he can't open up that can of 'act right' of his own volition and step to her without you having to say anything. To me, this is a 'duh' moment. If the tables were turned, he'd most certainly tell you to check your boy. He has asked her to quit her ways before. That is my entire point. If she's going to cut a fool regardless, then she can do that while losing his friendship.
mortensorchid Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 I thought this was going to be another kind of question based on the title, then I read what it is about and what others have said. Yes, this is immature of her to do and say these things. There are some people who enjoy this kind of craziness and are always looking to annoy others or cause problems or make it all about them. I think since the advent of social media we have gotten ourselves into all kinds of trouble in ways we didn't know were possible, all of us are guilty. But in this case, I don't think it is unreasonable of you to ask your bf why it is that he insists on having contact with this woman if she is behaving like this. If he insists on being friends with her, so be it. Never bring it up again and let him have his roller coaster ride with her because he obviously enjoys it to a point. And if that is the case, maybe you should ask yourself why it is this is the case if he enjoys a fairly calm and drama free existence with you.
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