JuneJulySeptember Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Without going into detail, I hate dating with a passion, it's terrible for me, and it seems very, VERY unlikely that I'll meet someone as compatible as an ex I dated a long time ago. So. This is a pretty straightforward question. What are the costs of a broken marriage without children? Monetarily is the only thing I can really think of. Can somebody break down approximate costs of marriage and divorce for me (not including wedding ceremony stuff)? Other than that, it seems like divorce is just like a glorified break up. Can anybody tell me some other consequences? I always wanted to be married and always figured I'd be divorced at least once. Don't judge. Just answer the question. Seriously. Educate me.
AliOop Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 In my case, the cost of a broken marriage was $374.00 (a $99 divorce and court costs). We had no home we owned, no children, no pets, just a shared apartment. Sad to say it was the best $374.00 I've ever spent, but it was! 1
idoltree Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Emotionally, getting a divorce is much tougher than a breakup. I'll describe the "extras" above and beyond breaking up a committed relationship: Think about it - you've said you'll spend your life with this person, their family becomes your family, you gain a new identity as part of that marriage, and being married is equated with success in most cultures. You get divorced, you lose that person, you lose your planned future, you lose your spouse's family, you have the pain of still having to deal with your spouse during the divorce process and split up all of your assets (you can't just go nc), you lose the "married person" part of your identity, and divorce is equated with failure in most cultures. It's much more complicated, and the impact is not just financial. 1
Gaeta Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 A divorce can cost you under 1,000 up to 100,000. Depends on the assets involved and how difficult is the person you married. Also depends on your respective lawyers. Some lawyers will just drag it forever. When I left my ex-husband I left him everything, house, cars, retirement money, savings. I just wanted out and it cost $1,000. Pay for a good pre-nup and divorce should be simple.
Gaeta Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 and it seems very, VERY unlikely that I'll meet someone as compatible as an ex I dated a long time ago. By the way that is a terrible mind set to live your life with. You need to get over that. There are plenty of men that are BETTER suited for you than you ex. If your ex was SO compatible with you he'd still be with you. 1
Erised Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Divorce was emotionally tougher on me than a breakup because we had been deeply entwined with future and families. If we'd been equally entwined, but without the paper, I'm not sure it would have been any difference. Still, the emphasis others put on it, adds more to it than most relationships. (We were together for many years before we got married, but the second we said I do, people took it much more seriously and treated us thusly.) People react differently to it when you move forward dating too... There is a social cost that is greater than that of a breakup. Financially, we worked together and got a non-contested divorce. We're still friends. Nothing ugly. It was about as good as it could be. It was emotionally hard to come to terms with the forever lost, even if it never should have been.
Omei Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 I have never been married But its been said twice divorce is harder than a breakup because of the entwined families we're speaking about a marriage without children, I feel like you could have entwined families even with not being married and it's likely they were already entwined before getting married so id consider it equally as hard married or not but I see now that Erised has already mentioned that oops. I think the worst part is unless you have a pre-nup giving up some of the things you worked really hard for would be tough. Like say your first house. Picture going from a beautiful house then the other getting it and moving back into an apartment not being able to afford a house again years later that sucks =/
Shining One Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 I've never been married, so I don't have personal costs to share. From 3 of my coworkers and my former CIO: $20,000 $800 $7,000 $280,000
BluEyeL Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Divorce cost me about $250 in Court fees. There is a child involved. I was the main breadwinner. It didn't cost my ex anything. He's now paying $500/month child support, unofficially, because the court didn't mandate it, as I waived it. If you make a lot of money or have assets, AND the marriage is long though, children or no children involved, you'll need to give the other party half of everything. My now BF paid his ex-wife of 24 years (no kids) so far about $300,000 and will continue to pay her about $5000/month for the next 10 years as her part of her half of assets. Also she got 60% of his retirement. So, it matters who you're marrying or divorcing. Marry someone who makes their own money and make a prenup.
Jethro Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 I think the filing fee here is like $210. But we both lost our house and most of the stuff inside it. Paid for it for 10 years, bank wouldn't allow a short sale- total mess. I'm just guessing but $130,000? Maybe? Divorce and bankruptcy attorneys cost maybe $7,000 on my side alone. Enough money that my life is and will be forever changed financially.
Emilia Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Divorce is the loss of innocence. It makes you sceptical and broken for a long time. 1
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 (edited) In my case, the cost of a broken marriage was $374.00 (a $99 divorce and court costs). We had no home we owned, no children, no pets, just a shared apartment. Sad to say it was the best $374.00 I've ever spent, but it was! Lol. Nice. Cost of a plane ticket! By the way that is a terrible mind set to live your life with. You need to get over that. There are plenty of men that are BETTER suited for you than you ex. If your ex was SO compatible with you he'd still be with you. Better and more suited mates are an ideal. Such as a better job. Are there better jobs out there than the one that you have? Maybe. Can you get them? Maybe not. Are there worse ones? Without a doubt. I'm also a guy. Divorce is the loss of innocence. It makes you sceptical and broken for a long time. Been more jaded than anybody I know for longer than I can remember without ever being married. As far as the assets, she has more than me, lol, so not an issue at the moment. You can do a prenup to keep what you had before marriage and then split what is acquired after, right? Maybe I should talk to a lawyer. The rest of it doesn't sound too bad. Edited January 29, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember
Diezel Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 It could cost you anything between a few hundred bucks to a few million. The question is pretty broad specially because of regional income differences.
Omei Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 My now BF paid his ex-wife of 24 years (no kids) so far about $300,000 and will continue to pay her about $5000/month for the next 10 years as her part of her half of assets. Also she got 60% of his retirement. Good lord !
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Can you please explain why you hating to date has something to do with the cost of a broken marriage, are you considering just getting a mail order bride or something to avoid dating and take the risk?? If you are you will be out more money than some other people here because of the costs of bringing her here and then I don't know what your obligations will be if you divorce.
Erised Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 From a monetary standpoint, we agreed on half of what the courts would have recommended in standard worksheets based on our situation, and he pays me $2400 a month for child support (but that's less about divorce and more about parenthood). He was more than happy for this, it covers most of my additional expenses for having full custody, and we have no negativity over this. It is a lot of money, yes, but not compared to his income. I waived my right to our home, cars, his part of retirement, or any settlement. I didn't want it, because he earned it, not me. Oh I did keep my retirement account as was funded during the marriage, and my personal savings account that was technically funded while I was not working - but it was always intended for fun money. I used that to furnish my new place. The divorce itself cost around $600 for being uncontested with a child. He retained a lawyer; I did not. We agreed on everything before going to a lawyer, though.
Mirages Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 JuneJulySep, why are you planning divorce? I know your posts, if you follow decent non-desperate approaches to meet women, you might be better off than a lot of 20 y.o. who marry and divorce. You might be ok, and don't marry your date for at least a year, it helps to observe the demons before you claim their owner! Divorce: In the ancient world you would get one immediately. In the developed world, let me describe a typical high conflict situation... You get separated for a year by law, better have separate addresses. If there are kids together, and the other party does wrong, like not let you see them, the court will be backed up 6 months to hear that. Alienation of children, while looked down on, will not be addressed, even if daily and obvious, the court appointed detective for children (civil attorney) will not even do a home visit, cowardly or busy. If the ex decides to break in your house by force to terrorize you, you better barricade the doors, the police will not address civil burglary when both parties own the lot. A nice side to this is that either party can enter and fully tear up the merchandise of the other, i.e. spray paint your entire wardrobe in one quick sweep, leave a garden hose watering your carpet while you are at work, break up your furniture and windows. Destruction of property is not a crime, unless arson, since you both still own it. After such an event, you may get an order of protection, may, if the other party has a brain the evidence will not be linked to them enough for even this. If either party catches wind of dating, they can make a spectacle of it, and make gains legally. If either party hits the other then they can place a criminal charge, but that court will often dismiss it, leaving one party with a record, but no justice, other than more attorney fees. During this year of separation, if you have not killed each other or yourselves yet, then they file the divorce within 2 weeks. But, oh, if either parts alleges resumption of sex, or refuses to cooperate, the state allows one more year of separation mayhem by code. This opinion is based on my experience breaking it off with a mentally enraged woman, and my professional experience dealing with high conflict, violent divorces in my locality in the USA. There are faster straightforward options available in Guam (USA) or even the Caribbean if you really feel like adventure suits you. In those cases we are talking 1-7 days to a divorce. Total cost may be really wide, like as others have said, $200, up to millions.
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