greenhorn Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by EC I agree with BO that she shouldn't give the gory details. I would rather not know. I would want to know deep inside but I would rather not know. I agree he is 19 though..he is very young and has a lot of life left and he will get over it. I think it will hurt him more to know and he would definitely hate NSN and yes since they are not moving 3000 miles away from eachother she will run into him again and so It would be worse to tell him the whole truth knowing you would have to run into him again. If he finds out later on, on his own then so be it. Tell me one things If one is dumping other due to finding someone else then why shouldnt the other know the real reason for breakup.why to keep him/her in dark. If one thinks that it will hurt him/her then who do it in first instant.This is synthetic sympathy. If one does something which warrants hatred then he/she should be hated.
blind_otter Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez Read carefully Blind Otter. I did not say that he would want to know. But if he would have to know, it would be from your mouth, without doubt; and not from a dude or girl in a bar. That is the situation NSN and her bf will be in, in all likelihood. Either she can tell them, or he will see them. And if you want to inflict psycho mode on a man, don't tell him. It improves the odds. No, my exhusband said he would rather have never known, period. He said he didn't want to know about my sex life, not from me, not from anyone. But I am speaking for myself and what I would want...I wouldn't want to know. It hurts enough to be dumped, much worse to know all the ugly reasons WHY you are being dumped. I did that to a guy I went out with a few times and listed exactly why we wouldn't work and I talked to him after that....he was insecure for months....there was no need, I was trying to be honest but it blew up in my face.
EC Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 Tell me one things If one is dumping other due to finding someone else then why shouldnt the other know the real reason for breakup.why to keep him/her in dark. If one thinks that it will hurt him/her then who do it in first instant.This is synthetic sympathy. If one does something which warrants hatred then he/she should be hated. Why make it more difficult?? Don't you think its hard for NSN too? Thinking she has been in love with this person only to come to find out maybe she was wrong and that theres more to life than she thought. Its not her fault what her heart feels. Its not her fault she feels this way. Shes dealing with it the best way she knows how. Don't you think its hard for her to come up with the words to tell her bf that its just not the same anymore? And its not for another guy,,lozano is just the eye opener guy..shes been wanting to say goodbye to her current bf for many other reasons. Its hard for her as well and she doesn't want to hurt her bf anymore than she needs to. I just think its best that if in fact she leaves him..and does end up sometime later hooking up with lozano that she doesn't need to tell him.
greenhorn Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 Having said this let me also say that as far as NSN mentioned then she is not leaving her bf due to someone else.There were other reasons for it But if she is dumping him due to finding someone else then she should mention that also, atleast he would appreciate her for HONESTY. Had I been in that guy's position then I would have felt bad, very bad for getting dumped but atleast I wont hate her but would admire her for her honesty.
blind_otter Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn If one does something which warrants hatred then he/she should be hated. Jesus! Wow, hatred is a strong word....
greenhorn Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Jesus! Wow, hatred is a strong word.... Yeah true, Hatred is a strong word but if someone is dumping me for the sole reason that she has found someone else then I would certainly HATE her. I
blind_otter Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn Yeah true, Hatred is a strong word but if someone is dumping me for the sole reason that she has found someone else then I would certainly HATE her. I Not me. I was dumped by my boyfriend for my best friend once, and I was crushed, but I didn't HATE anyone. I reserve hate for people who raelly did bad things to me, people who hit me, beat me, raped me. Not for someone who rejected me.
d'Arthez Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by EC I agree he is 19 though..he is very young and has a lot of life left and he will get over it. I think it will hurt him more to know and he would definitely hate NSN and yes since they are not moving 3000 miles away from eachother she will run into him again and so It would be worse to tell him the whole truth knowing you would have to run into him again. If he finds out later on, on his own then so be it. EC, not to be harsh, but you are 19 too. Remember how you reacted when you and your bf broke up? You were in a mess. And there was no-one else. How do you think NSN's bf will react in a few weeks time when he spots NSN and Lozano kissing? It won't be calm, and it won't be dignified. Lozano shows up and in a few weeks time, a relationship is ruined and NSN is with Lozano. It is hard on anyone not to suspect that Lozano was responsibel, or to feel that she really loved you, and that you were not a sex toy or something. Honesty may be painful, but it is the best route. Do this weird dump a couple of time on men or women, and you will have a lot of psychological problems and issues. By doing these things you are not improving the quality of the dating material, of her current bf. And if bf retaliates, which seems somewhat likely in this situation, also of NSN. But NSN should really clear matters up. You can't go from my bf is the best to I want to break up with him in 2 weeks time, especially if he has not royally screwed up by cheating on NSN or something like that. No, my exhusband said he would rather have never known, period. He said he didn't want to know about my sex life, not from me, not from anyone. Yes but if he had to find out one way or another? He does not have a choice in it, remember. If he does have to find out, would he rather hear it from you than from someone else? NSN won't give her bf a ticket to the other side of the country. She will be certain he will find out, and she will know beforehand what he will think. Not flattering words of NSN, and even worse words for Lozano. If he loses it, she will have a psycho ex stalking her. Why? Because she could not be honest with him, and remove every doubt that instant of breaking up.
greenhorn Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Not me. I was dumped by my boyfriend for my best friend once, and I was crushed, but I didn't HATE anyone. I reserve hate for people who raelly did bad things to me, people who hit me, beat me, raped me. Not for someone who rejected me. Ok then my story, My ex started going out with someone else, I didn't know and never thought this but I started feeling something wrong as the bf of NSN is feeling. I asked her several times she said nothing, there is no one . I wasnt convinced and I opened her email and found the truth. When I said this to her, she said yeah this is true and dumped me then and there on phone.I take this as cheating and dishonesty and I hate her for this.She could have come to me and said this to me honestly that look I got someone else so I am breaking off with you. In both case I would have felt bad but wont have hated her in the second case. I am just a human being who would hate if someone cheats me.
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