kittenhead Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 hey there-- my BF and I have been together for several months now and we are both certain that we are it for each other. Or at least that is what I thought to be true--b/c he has said to me on so many occassions the following things: You are the love of my life You are the one for me I'll never break your heart I want to be with you forever I'm changing my life for you he wanted to meet my parents and we've talked about having a family and getting married he'd even whisper these things in to my ear while I was sleeping at night. So, I think this is it and I'm so in love. But he is fickle--hot and cold emotionally. really happy and we're in heaven--but he gets up set easily and its up an down every week. when he's down he withdraws. i learned that if i do the same that that snaps him out of it. OK--anyway--he has been really unhappy with his job--which is failing and he feels horrible. so he's been applying all over the place--all over the country looking for work and has applied to graduate schools as well for a law degree -- he doesn't really like law--but it garantees a six figure income. this has been going on for about a month and he has had no hits yet--except there's a good change he'll get into a school in virginia--the one place that's hard for me to move to b/c there is not a lot of art there and i'm an artist. but he's packing. he has no place to go--but he's packing! so he can move "at the drop of a hat." he's "out of here." this is giving me a lot of anxiety and i am a blubbering mess--but he doesn't know that fully--just a bit and he's not been very emotionally supportive. he's focused on so many other things--job appts, a screenplay, a play and now his getting back into shape--taking care of himself. and i'm seeing less of him. he could leave in three weeks and then we would probably only see onle another 3 more times. maybe i'm crazy but this whole thing makes me uncomfortable. I wrote this to him the other day" "About our conversation last night. I woke up this morning and I realized that what you were talking about last night was not a reflection on your love for me but more about your desire to create a stable future. From that perspective, I agree. And, it's true for me as well. And seeing you take steps to better your life is both a good influence on me and a relief to tell you the truth-b/c when we first met-you were on a path-that was focused and consequently, stable, which was also reflected in your emotional state. You were consistently happy and easy going. It's been the same for me in my own life. I understand how that affects us-how our own paths in life need to be stable in order to generate success, create happiness, and contribute to a relationship in a positive way. Yeah babe, I want to help you get where you want to go. And I see that you want the same for me. If you're as sure about me as I am about you, then I think we can make just about anything work-even VA. I just need to know that your commitment level is that high. Let's put our heads together and see what we can come up with. You're amazing, you WILL get there and I love you so much. " His response: "I'm glad you see what I was getting at - I love you very much and want to build a future with you - I just want to do my part to make sure that it's a future we can both live with. I'll let you know whenever I have any news on any front. " Shouldn't this please me? Why am I not happy with this response? I just feel lied to and lead on. That my head was filled with crap.
moimeme Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 He didn't lie to you. He likely didn't think he'd have a problem finding a job but he's having a problem finding a job. As for art in Virginia - surely you're mistaken about there not being much, but then again, if it's true, you'll be supplying a commodity that's rare there. You don't build a new hardware store in a mall full of hardware stores - you bring new products to a new place.
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