MiaMckenz Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 My friend said this is a great website to use to get others opinions. Please help me out here. My b/f and I are both in our late-20's; he's 28 and i'm 26 and we've been dating for a little over 2 years. Last week (last Wednesday), I told my boyfriend that I find it disrespectful that he dances with girls when he goes to the club with his male friends. I asked him how he would feel if I were to dance/grind on a guy in the club, and he wouldn't tolerate me doing that. He also said that every guy dances with girls at the club, even married guys. He said he personally would stop dancing with girls when he gets married. So, the conversation ended with him telling me "i'm just telling you what it is" and then him asking me if we're over. I told him that i don't want to be in this relationship if he can't understand that what he's doing is disrespectful towards me and I got my things ready to leave his house. He asked me why i was leaving and I told him why, and he basically had an "okay, if you want to end our relationship over this then do you" attitude. I left his house after this. He called me 2 days after our talk last Wednesday, which was this past Saturday, but I did not pick up because i had no urge to speak to him at all. Am I wrong for that?? He hasn’t tried to get in contact with me since his last call this past Saturday. I feel like he should have stopped me from walking out of the house because he should value our relationship more than dancing with girls at the club and/or he should have done more than just called me once and let days go by before making one phone call to me. The fact that he’s only tried to reach out to me once since last Wednesday is so pathetic to me and tells me that he doesn’t care about me or our relationship like he says. I must admit I’m really hurting right now. Should I call him to try to meet to get closure or just leave the situation alone?
Diezel Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 What closure? You already had closure. You made your decision. He made his. It's over. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 My friend said this is a great website to use to get others opinions. Please help me out here. My b/f and I are both in our late-20's; he's 28 and i'm 26 and we've been dating for a little over 2 years. Last week (last Wednesday), I told my boyfriend that I find it disrespectful that he dances with girls when he goes to the club with his male friends. I asked him how he would feel if I were to dance/grind on a guy in the club, and he wouldn't tolerate me doing that. He also said that every guy dances with girls at the club, even married guys. He said he personally would stop dancing with girls when he gets married. So, the conversation ended with him telling me "i'm just telling you what it is" and then him asking me if we're over. I told him that i don't want to be in this relationship if he can't understand that what he's doing is disrespectful towards me and I got my things ready to leave his house. He asked me why i was leaving and I told him why, and he basically had an "okay, if you want to end our relationship over this then do you" attitude. I left his house after this. He called me 2 days after our talk last Wednesday, which was this past Saturday, but I did not pick up because i had no urge to speak to him at all. Am I wrong for that?? He hasn’t tried to get in contact with me since his last call this past Saturday. I feel like he should have stopped me from walking out of the house because he should value our relationship more than dancing with girls at the club and/or he should have done more than just called me once and let days go by before making one phone call to me. The fact that he’s only tried to reach out to me once since last Wednesday is so pathetic to me and tells me that he doesn’t care about me or our relationship like he says. I must admit I’m really hurting right now. Should I call him to try to meet to get closure or just leave the situation alone? Re-read the bold parts. You told him you'd end the relationship so he is assuming that you are broken up now. The fact that he didn't seem to care about how his actions affected you says everything you need to know. He isn't chasing you because he is apparently respecting your desire to end the relationship. Was it an empty threat? (on your part)
pteromom Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 You think it is wrong for a guy in a relationship to grind on other women. He either thinks it is ok, or he is just a selfish jerk who wants what he wants and sets his values aside because it feels good. Since he is telling you he wouldn't be OK with YOU dancing with other people, then I am guessing it is the 2nd option. And THAT is a huge red flag for so many possible problems, including cheating. No, I don't think you are wrong. You shared your feelings on something that is important to you. He's unwilling to negotiate or compromise. You have no choice but to move on. So move on. Find someone who feels the same way about this as you do. 2
Redhead14 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 My friend said this is a great website to use to get others opinions. Please help me out here. My b/f and I are both in our late-20's; he's 28 and i'm 26 and we've been dating for a little over 2 years. Last week (last Wednesday), I told my boyfriend that I find it disrespectful that he dances with girls when he goes to the club with his male friends. I asked him how he would feel if I were to dance/grind on a guy in the club, and he wouldn't tolerate me doing that. He also said that every guy dances with girls at the club, even married guys. He said he personally would stop dancing with girls when he gets married. So, the conversation ended with him telling me "i'm just telling you what it is" and then him asking me if we're over. I told him that i don't want to be in this relationship if he can't understand that what he's doing is disrespectful towards me and I got my things ready to leave his house. He asked me why i was leaving and I told him why, and he basically had an "okay, if you want to end our relationship over this then do you" attitude. I left his house after this. He called me 2 days after our talk last Wednesday, which was this past Saturday, but I did not pick up because i had no urge to speak to him at all. Am I wrong for that?? He hasn’t tried to get in contact with me since his last call this past Saturday. I feel like he should have stopped me from walking out of the house because he should value our relationship more than dancing with girls at the club and/or he should have done more than just called me once and let days go by before making one phone call to me. The fact that he’s only tried to reach out to me once since last Wednesday is so pathetic to me and tells me that he doesn’t care about me or our relationship like he says. I must admit I’m really hurting right now. Should I call him to try to meet to get closure or just leave the situation alone? Why would he reach out to you when you didn't answer the first time? You wouldn't answer the first time he called. This is cat and mouse behavior and passive/aggressiveness. And, are you sure you don't want to be with him anymore over this? This was a 2 year relationship. Quite an investment. If this is the first time he heard from you about this subject, and even if he was being defensive about it at the time, what you should have done was give him the heads up that this was a deal breaker for you and then give him time to correct that behavior if he was going to. Men will react instinctively to what they perceive as controlling behavior and be defensive. But, when they realize just how important this issue was for the woman, they will correct the behavior if they really care for her. If he did it a second time, then I would have left too, because you drew a line in the sand and it was time to enforce it. You want closure apparently, you didn't answer the phone. You might have gotten it then or you might have ended up talking to a repentent man. If you want closure, pick up the phone. Be clear in your head about what you want before you do it though. If you are convinced you are done, stick to that and end it once and for all.
Omei Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) No you don't need to call him for any closure you got it already he's willing to give you up so he can dance with girls. If he want's to reconnect with you he will call again maybe you should answer see what he has to say if he still thinks he should be allowed then you made the right choice because you're no longer compatible if he however decides that yes you're right he wouldn't like you doing it so maybe he shouldn't either perhaps you should give him a second chance. But wait till he calls, again if he really cares about you one missed call wont make him vanish after two years. Edited January 28, 2015 by Omei
preraph Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 It's terrible that he's ready to throw you away just so he can continue to dance with other girls. But what that means is he's really still looking for someone else, so there is just no point in wasting any more time on this guy. It would be one thing if he was just going out with the guys to be with the guys, but they're going out meeting girls.
elaine567 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 You have to decide whether you really want this to be over or not. It seems that grinding on girls at the club is important to him, so can you tolerate that? If you can for the sake of the relationship then you need to eat humble pie and call him. He may be willing to reconcile or in fact he may have been looking for an out and fortunately for him, you gave him one here, so do not be surprised if he throws it all back in your face. He wasn't exactly pleading for you to stay was he? If you do go back, I think your status in the relationship will be compromised though. You said you were not happy with the grinding, he said too bad, you said I'm leaving, he said go on then, you say I'm sorry, he says fine, you move back in, he continues grinding at the club, you are unhappy... If you cannot tolerate the grinding then leave it be, do not contact him, as I think it is a red line issue for him, he will not compromise and you are better off without him. Going NC completely is thus the best course of action for you, in that scenario.
stillafool Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I haven't been to one in a long, long time but most clubs play fast music and very little slow music so most dancing would be done with no body contact. I personally do not see anything wrong with him dancing a fast song with another girl, isn't that what going out dancing means? I agree that you have already gotten your closure and since you didn't want to pick up the phone when he called I guess that's that.
Omei Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I haven't been to one in a long, long time but most clubs play fast music and very little slow music so most dancing would be done with no body contact. I personally do not see anything wrong with him dancing a fast song with another girl, isn't that what going out dancing means? I agree that you have already gotten your closure and since you didn't want to pick up the phone when he called I guess that's that. Clubs are not like high school, its reversed the fast songs are the grind up on a girls body type song guys don't hand on hips slow dance in clubs not unless its with someone they care about. 1
smackie9 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Your argument about him dancing with other girls probably made him realize the relationship has run it's course and he let go without resistance. No need to fret about it now, it's time to heal and move on.
darkmoon Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) you left with your head held high, good, i like you are young you will soon meet another Edited January 28, 2015 by darkmoon
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