HD93 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 So last June (2014), a 5 month relationship, ended ridiculously suddenly. Her choice. I became insanely upset but I didn't contact her at all in the Summer. We came back to University, and I tried breaking the ice (3/4 months after break up) considering we'd see a lot of each other this academic year. She was very sheepish/awkward, and looked very uncomfortable when I tried chatting with her for a few minutes. Clearly she wasn't ready for it, and I accepted it. Fast forward to December, she randomly texts me (first bit of contact since me trying to break the ice) apologising for the way she handled me trying to break the ice in September. Said that she wasn't ready and needed to regain her confidence again (as if she needed to, given how she made me feel like crap when breaking up with me after what I deemed quite a good and loving relationship - honestly, the shock of the break up was incredible). Also said that above all else, we used to be really good friends and she wants to try for us to be friends again. I was a bit hesitant given how I hadn't really forgiven her for the way she ended it back in June but I said I'd give it a try. So Monday, first day of our placement together and I admittedly made no effort to speak to her. I found the whole situation a lot tougher than what I expected it to be, not sure why. Don't really want her back, but I think it just brought back bad memories of how crap I felt last Summer. She never strictly asked me anything, apart from offering me a piece of chocolate - so I didn't really ignore her in that regard. Felt pretty bad Monday night after I realised how rude I must have seemed. So yesterday and today I've tried to make an effort to put it all behind us. I spoke to her on Tuesday morning, she seemed very surprised by it, and couldn't really give me more than a second of eye-contact when speaking to me. Acting very, very different to how she usually is with other people. I don't understand what she's doing. She's being very awkward about it all, like talking/looking to the third person in a three-way conversation between us all. I'm making the effort, but she's making it very uncomfortable. Can anyone decipher what is she doing? tltr; Break up last year, texted me after months of no contact apologising for the way she blanked me after I tried breaking the ice, wanted to be friends, me having a day of not making an effort, following by two days of making an effort of being friends again, her acting very awkward about it all. What is she doing?
Zahara Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 She's awkward maybe because she's afraid she may lead you on? You're awkward because you possibly still feel resentment? What's the reasoning in forcing "friends" when it doesn't seem natural or genuine at all...why not just be cordial? The fact that you are analyzing it is probably an indication that maybe you're not really ready to be "friends".
Kinetica84 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I can honestly say, i have never successfully stayed friends with an ex. I think once you go past that line there is no way back and may be this is the case for you. I would minimize contact and move on bud. Don't over think it, just control what you can control and that is yourself.
Author HD93 Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 She's awkward maybe because she's afraid she may lead you on? You're awkward because you possibly still feel resentment? What's the reasoning in forcing "friends" when it doesn't seem natural or genuine at all...why not just be cordial? The fact that you are analyzing it is probably an indication that maybe you're not really ready to be "friends". I can honestly say, i have never successfully stayed friends with an ex. I think once you go past that line there is no way back and may be this is the case for you. I would minimize contact and move on bud. Don't over think it, just control what you can control and that is yourself. In which case, she shouldn't have ended months of no contact just to apologise for something that I didn't think she needed to apologise for and wanted to be good friends with me again. Why do that if you're just going to act awkward in front of me? I genuinely do not want her back. I just don't understand what she's doing. If she didn't want to "lead me on", then she shouldn't have texted me to say she wanted to be good friends again. From the way I'm acting yesterday and today, I am showing no sign of resentment whatsoever. She's the one who wanted to be friends again, not me. Yes I am analyzing it, why? Because I'm working in the same enviroment as her for 10 weeks. I can't just ignore this blatant act of awkwardness. I appreciate the replies.
Zahara Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) In which case, she shouldn't have ended months of no contact just to apologise for something that I didn't think she needed to apologise for and wanted to be good friends with me again. Sometimes people do these things to alleviate their guilt. Doesn't necessarily mean that they do want to be friends. Maybe her apology was sincere but the need to throw out friends was possibly just out of her need to extend a nicety. Why do that if you're just going to act awkward in front of me? I pose the same question to you. Why would you accept friendship when you clearly still hold resentment? Forcing to push how you really feel behind you doesn't make it go away. From the way I'm acting yesterday and today, I am showing no sign of resentment whatsoever. It doesn't matter whether you show resentment. You feel it. What's the point in faking it? Best just feel what you feel and be honest as to what capacity you're ready to have her in your life. You even admitted it was a tough situation for you. She's the one who wanted to be friends again, not me. Yes I am analyzing it, why? Because I'm working in the same enviroment as her for 10 weeks. I can't just ignore this blatant act of awkwardness. It's awkward because you make it awkward in your mind. You can be civil and cordial. Leave it at that. If there is a reason to communicate about school/work, keep it at that. There is no need to become good friends overnight. It is apparent this is affecting you more than it should and that is indication that "friends" isn't really a good thing for you. Edited January 28, 2015 by Zahara
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