Evanna Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) So I've just been wondering what people's opinions are on this as half my friends think that if a date goes really well it's fine to sleep with the guy on the same day if you want to, where as I have other friends who won't sleep with a guy until he's actually asked her to be his boyfriend many dates down the line. ------------------------- --This is the short version for anyone who doesn't want to read it all as the long version turned out very long haha!-- Basically I met this guy online a few months ago that I really like, we met up for the first time recently and hit it off straight away, everything's been going really well with him, he introduced me to his family etc and I always have the most perfect time with him. We didn't sleep together straight away but I guess it would have been the third night of sleeping in the same bed with him (and second time we'd met in person) that I couldn't resist anymore so then we did. We've been seeing and talking to each other since and it's all going really really well still and he treats me perfectly, but I'm just worried about taking things too fast! Do you think this is too soon to sleep with someone?? I really want things to work out with him! And it seems like he likes me a lot too so I don't want to mess it up! (Also we're both 20) --------------------------- I'm worried about taking things too fast with this guy I'm currently seeing. We met online several months ago and were talking nonstop every day and every night (and I do mean nonstop!) I loved every second of it and we have so much in common and he listens to everything I say and conversation with him is wonderful, we never run out of things to say and he's always there for me. He'd send me the sweetest messages and always say goodnight and good morning and call me beautiful etc, he's just perfect. So we talked for a long time and I steadily started to really really like him but I'd never actually met him so as time went on we exchanged more photos of ourselves and had a few phone calls as well! I was really nervous talking to him for the first time but he had the nicest voice and I instantly fell for that too! We drew each other christmas cards in December and were going to send them to each other and he suggested how about we deliver them in person? And I smiled soooo much as he'd been dropping hints about meeting up for ages and now we actually arranged it!!! I've never been so excited to meet anyone in my life! He got the train to where I live (he lives about half an hour away on the train) and I met him for the first time at the beginning of January! He was everything I imagined and better! I had already completely fallen for him just talking to him for so long and meeting him in person was literally incredible, we hit it off straight away and I loved everything about him! I have also never felt so attracted to someone in my entire life, possibly because I'd already been talking to him for so long as well as him being completely my type! I had the most perfect date I've ever had in my life, he was so kind and lovely and the chemistry between us was ridiculous. We'd been waiting to meet each other for so long we decided for him to stay as well so he ended up staying at my house for a couple of days! We didn't sleep together but it was VERY hard to resist him and I could tell he was finding it impossible too but he respected me and was a proper gentleman and didn't try and take it too far. We didn't have our first kiss until the evening but after that it was hard to stop! I won't go into detail but the whole time was amazing, he was really shy at first and it took him hours to get the courage to hold my hand but when he did I thought I'd explode haha! Anyway, we'd kiss a lot and it got pretty passionate a few times but I told him I didn't want to go any further and he completely respected that and even messaged me after he'd left saying sorry if he'd come on too strong or anything which I thought was really ice (and I hadn't minded at all anyway) and he said he'd happily wait for me as long as I wanted and joked he'd get blue balls for me anytime haha! We kept talking continuously all day and all night as usual after that and then the next weekend I went to his house to meet his mum and twin brother and he told me he'd been going on about me for so long so they all couldn't wait to meet me haha! It was lovely and his family are all so nice and welcoming and I ended up staying at his house for a few days. He was perfect as usual and cooked for me and everything and we hung out with his brother which was nice and watched some of our favourite programmes and cuddled lots and it was just really nice! I had been planning to wait a long time before doing anything with him but we'd been talking nonstop for months by now and since the first second I met him I couldn't control my attraction towards him and I tried to restrain myself but in the end I couldn't really see why I was stopping myself anymore when we both really wanted to so I ended up sleeping with him that time. We were incredibly compatible, more than any guy I've ever been with actually and I don't regret it at all, he's literally perfect for me and we like all the same things as well which I've never had with a guy before! But I'm just really worried about taking things too fast. Do you think it's ok to sleep with a guy this close to having met him??? The thing is I feel like I've known him for so long before I even met him and now the connection between us in unstoppable and I really really like him! Since then he's still been as wonderful as ever and sending me the nicest messages and kissing me lots and holding my hand and he said the other day he really wants to take me shopping and treat me which I thought was a really adorable offer, he's always really thoughtful and walked me to the station and stayed with me in the cold when we missed the train and he didn't mind at all! Everything about him is wonderful and I really do think I finally found the perfect guy. Even when I'd left he rang me about half an hour later to keep me company on the walk home and make sure I was safe and said he just missed me already even though we'd only just left each other which I loved so much!! All my relationships in the past have been a disaster and this is the first time I've really really been happy so I really don't want to mess it up! I thought about maybe telling him I'm worried about taking things too fast and laying off the sex for a while? But I don't actually want to hahaha I just feel like it's something as a woman I should do? Plus I am a bit scared about taking things too fast and then he gets bored and disappears! (I'm sure he won't but it's happened to me in the past.) And I've already slept with him now so it seems a bit late to be saying this stuff but I just really want things to work out with him! Sometimes we flirt a lot in the messages now as well a lot more than we used to since we've slept together and sometimes we'll sext and I like it a lot but I just wanted to know if people think it's all too soon? It doesn't feel like it is and I'm really happy and everything feels right but I've been wrong about this stuff in the past! Any opinions would be very gratefully accepted!! :') Edited January 28, 2015 by Evanna It was too long
Redhead14 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) Well, you've slept with him Period. You cannot uncross that bridge. You should not tell him you are taking sex off the table directly. That may come off as you using that as a weapon or tool of manipulation. What you should do is continue to accept dates with him and not leave or give the opportunity for sex to happen. Hit the reset button. Go out on dates with him, end them fairly early and with a kiss perhaps if you want to. But don't get in his car, don't go to his place or bring him back to yours. Tell him you have things to do early in the morning, you have other plans, etc. Start the process again from date one and let things progress naturally to the point where you two have had a conversation about what you each are looking for out of your dating experiences in general and then bring up the subject of exclusivity. Then if you wish, you can begin having sex with him again. If he questions you or pressures you for it because he's already had sex with you and thinks he's got carte blanc now, you can simply say, I've enjoyed that experience with you already and know what that experience with you is like and now, I want to just get to know you on a deeper level for a bit. But only say this if he tries. If he gets pushy about it because he feels entitled, you should run. I'm really telling you how to do something you did the wrong way, right It gets a little messy that way. But it's doable. Edited January 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted full quote
Arieswoman Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Evanna, I'm sure sure I understand your question? The title of your post is "When do you think is too soon to sleep together??" If you have already gone and done it, it's bit too late to worry about it now isn't it? 1
lovexocoach Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 You're infatuated with him, he's infatuated with you. And it's natural to move fast because you're so into each other. You're still in the getting to know him stage. Even if you've talked and chatted it's not the same as being with him and interacting with him and observing him and meeting his friends and family - all of which are taking place in your situation. Once you've had sex, it's hard to unring that bell in the relationship. Sex is part of the relationship now and he will expect sex. It almost sounds as though you just need reassurance that everything is okay in the relationship. You seem happy with how things are. He seems happy with how things are. What more would you want at this stage? If it's that important to you, explain how you feel about the sex, moving too fast, and see what he thinks. Then see what you agree to mutually. It should be a mutual agreement at this stage of the relationship otherwise it will look like you're using sex as a weapon and being manipulative. Sex should follow naturally as you get to know each other. Preferably after the "STD testing" talk and being exclusive/monogamous. 1
RosieDunne Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) .................................................................................. Edited January 28, 2015 by RosieDunne
Author Evanna Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 Thanks everyone! Yeah I don't think I explained it very well, I really don't want to take sex away at all or use it as a weapon or anything like that, I'm actually really happy with sleeping with him at this stage and it feels right even if a little fast. One of my best friends slept with a guy the first day she met him and they've now been happily dating for months so I don't believe it's necessarily as wrong as some people have made me think but I did just wonder what other people thought! But I am very happy at this point and he is too so I'm hoping people won't tell me anything about this is wrong and I don't actually want to slow it down, I guess I'm just hoping to hear that this isn't a bad move on my part? I don't think it is, I do just get a bit scared an insecure because of such terrible past experiences. I never normally take things this fast, it took me a long time before I slept with my first boyfriend and that relationship turned out horribly anyway! But this time it really does feel natural and makes me incredibly happy, I guess I just want reassurance it's ok which some of you may not agree with haha!
Redhead14 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Thanks everyone! Yeah I don't think I explained it very well, I really don't want to take sex away at all or use it as a weapon or anything like that, I'm actually really happy with sleeping with him at this stage and it feels right even if a little fast. One of my best friends slept with a guy the first day she met him and they've now been happily dating for months so I don't believe it's necessarily as wrong as some people have made me think but I did just wonder what other people thought! But I am very happy at this point and he is too so I'm hoping people won't tell me anything about this is wrong and I don't actually want to slow it down, I guess I'm just hoping to hear that this isn't a bad move on my part? I don't think it is, I do just get a bit scared an insecure because of such terrible past experiences. I never normally take things this fast, it took me a long time before I slept with my first boyfriend and that relationship turned out horribly anyway! But this time it really does feel natural and makes me incredibly happy, I guess I just want reassurance it's ok which some of you may not agree with haha! Of course, it's Ok if you are comfortable with it. However, it is not healthy and likely detrimental to the natural development of a relationship if that is going to happen. You are setting yourself up for pain, confusion and misunderstanding going forward. You are experiencing the endorphin fog that occurs early in a new dating scenario and when that fog lifts, you may find yourself disoriented, confused and angry and lost. Tread lightly.
lovexocoach Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Past experiences don't mean the same thing will happen in a new relationship. Every relationship is different. No need to feel insecure or question yourself at this point. Your relationship has to progress and mature now. You just have work on building the relationship now. I wish you happiness. 1
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