MovingOnIsHard Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 So a little background..my ex and I broke up mid Nov of last year (his idea). The relationship was really toxic and I was left emotionally stressed from it. A lot of push/pull, him breaking things off over little arguments (he would blow out of proportions). He was needy, manipulative, and would get upset if I went to do my own thing instead of hanging out with him. And he cheated/spoke to girls online behind my back, which he vehemently denied until recently. We kept little contact through email (mostly him initiating it) up until the end of Nov where I pretty much told him to leave me alone. Since then he's sent me a few emails, a week in between including before Christmas and after New Years (which I've ignored). After blocking his one email address, he messaged me on a dating site, which Ive also blocked him there. The last email he sent me was from another email of his (which I ignored). So I did NC for almost 1 1/2 months. Then last night at work, I got a couple of messages from him on google hangouts. Just "hi" and something nonsensical. I wasn't sure if it was him, maybe someone messing on his phone. So said "huh" and then he's like "oh hey didnt mean to msg you on purpose but i'd like to talk to you if you still want to talk to me" So he was playing the "oh i msg'd you by accident card". He's never used that app to begin with, didnt even know what it was because i tried to get him to use it before. Im thinking how do you accidentally open up the app and type in "hi"? Obviously it was another ploy to get me to talk to him. I ignored the msg then he replied back saying "i miss you" "im sorry i cheated".. which i ignored again. The next morning, another msg, "i think its best we speak over coffee, are you free today?". I tell him i dont want to see him again. He becomes more pushy about it, once again telling me he'd like to keep communication open with us because i "still mean something to me". I say "no i dont like keeping contact with exes" and "whatever you say is irrelevant; ive moved on and happier now" Then he tells me how our relationship had done "something" to him. That he was diagnosed not with BPD (I was the one who pointed that out to him, which is why i left him for good when he kept denying he had a problem) but with PTSD and depression because of that one night I was hitting myself and crying (mind you this happened because I was at the point of extreme frustration with him being selfish and cold). It only happened one time and apparently that bought him over the edge. At one point he also blamed his cheated on me hitting myself, which is a load of BS. He was basically going on the same thing, like his previous emails last month. I couldnt believe how twisted he has made this story up. Said he was still seeing his counsellor and was tested negative for BPD. I didnt buy it because counsellors cant diagnose. In short, he wanted to meet up for coffee so he can unload more BS about me abusing him and causing him to have PTSD/depression!!! Never mind how he told me had been raped, abused by previous GFs, etc in the past!! No, apparently it was me who caused it! After his last rant, I just said "bye" and blocked him on that app lol He just screams BPD, it's unbelievable.
silviar Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Geez! It sounds like you dodged a major bullet here... I'm also really impressed you managed to ignore so many of his messages. He apparently doesn't get the message at all. Keep ignoring him!
Invictus01 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 The dude is a nut... Also, psychologists themselves admit that it is really really tough to diagnose BPD because most of BPDers are just that good at faking normal and pretty much take those sessions as a challenge to fool a professional. Anyway, go full blown hardcore NC. No other way.
myheartaches Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 People with Borderline personality disorder are very afraid of being abandoned. They will actually threaten to hurt themselves if you say you will leave, or they will actually hurt themselves to manipulate you. He sounds really clingy and scary so I'd say move on especially since he cheated on you 1
Author MovingOnIsHard Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 The dude is a nut... Also, psychologists themselves admit that it is really really tough to diagnose BPD because most of BPDers are just that good at faking normal and pretty much take those sessions as a challenge to fool a professional. Anyway, go full blown hardcore NC. No other way. This is so true. That day we broke up, i sent him an article about bpd, even a self test (which i took myself out of curiosity). He then got back to me and said "i read it and i see a lot of you in them" lol and "i took the test and it says im LIKELY to have bpd" (apparently that means he doesnt have bpd unless it says YOU HAVE 100% BPD). apparently, i have bpd because: I drive "recklessy". Completely ignoring the fact ive only started driving for 6months and still nervous about driving. No i dont drive recklessly, i just make novice decisions when driving Lol "I hurt myself" Again a reference to that one time i was crying profusely out of frustration. "Im depressed". Yeah because being in a relationship with you brought me literally to tears. Instead of reflecting on himself, he decides to "diagnose" me instead, adding that I "make him into one of my little experiments".
Author MovingOnIsHard Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 People with Borderline personality disorder are very afraid of being abandoned. They will actually threaten to hurt themselves if you say you will leave, or they will actually hurt themselves to manipulate you. He sounds really clingy and scary so I'd say move on especially since he cheated on you He definitely has abandonment issues. When he was 16, his parents kicked him out for being a trouble kid. Also his ex of 2yrs left him to another province.. also left him with unpaid rent which majorly damaged his credit record.. Which in turn led him to being denied a loan towards a mortgage (he talked me into buying a house with him.. thank god that didnt go through!!) Oh and he showed me his baby blankie.. says he sometimes sleeps with it. Oh em gee!! Also, i dont know if he's ever hurt himself.. however, i did notice he started binge eating, taking laxatives lots, stopped working out, stopped working, etc.. he also blamed all of those things on me too. I never even lived with him!!
Author MovingOnIsHard Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 Here's some more FYI details: - i was the one who suggested he go see a therapist, which he did for one session.. after tbe 2nd session apparently she said something that pissed him off and decided she was "sexist" and had a "chip on her shoulder". I tried reasoning with him to which he labeled me as sexist and having a chip on my shoulder too. - he was diagnosed with depression and ADD (possibly PTSD too) a few years back before i even met him. He had been drugged and raped by someone be knew and was hospitalized for it. and he comes and tells me i was ths cause for his mental illness???? - in his last msg, he tells me "i dont know what kind of trauma u had as a child but just be aware of how your mental issues can affect others around you." And "i hope what im saying isnt 'irrelevant' to you because theres more that i have to say that i never got to" I can't even...
towardthefuture Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Here's some more FYI details: - i was the one who suggested he go see a therapist, which he did for one session.. after tbe 2nd session apparently she said something that pissed him off and decided she was "sexist" and had a "chip on her shoulder". I tried reasoning with him to which he labeled me as sexist and having a chip on my shoulder too. Having seen several therapists and been in a relationship with a therapist, frankly, the reality is that therapy is an occupation that is high majority women with a strong feminist representation. I have personally seen therapists who use their position of authority to try to impose an agenda on male patients' behavior. I've been the +1 at meetings of psychologists, cocktail parties, receptions, this kind of stuff, where they openly talk about hating men. So I don't think a therapist being sexist and having a chip on her shoulder is really that unlikely at all. That said, you two seem pretty dysfunctional and resentful toward one another so the split is probably for the best.
kendahke Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Having seen several therapists and been in a relationship with a therapist, frankly, the reality is that therapy is an occupation that is high majority women with a strong feminist representation. I have personally seen therapists who use their position of authority to try to impose an agenda on male patients' behavior. I've been the +1 at meetings of psychologists, cocktail parties, receptions, this kind of stuff, where they openly talk about hating men. So I don't think a therapist being sexist and having a chip on her shoulder is really that unlikely at all. That said, you two seem pretty dysfunctional and resentful toward one another so the split is probably for the best. However, psychiatry, which is the discipline which prescribes the medication and who would be diagnosing conditions, is male dominated. Nice try.
towardthefuture Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 However, psychiatry, which is the discipline which prescribes the medication and who would be diagnosing conditions, is male dominated. Nice try. The person in question was a therapist, not a psychiatrist. PhD psychologists and PsyDs also diagnose conditions. They just don't prescribe medications. I know this because when my ex was in PsyD school I had to sit through all the diagnostic tests when she practiced on me. Nice try.
Author MovingOnIsHard Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 Having seen several therapists and been in a relationship with a therapist, frankly, the reality is that therapy is an occupation that is high majority women with a strong feminist representation. I have personally seen therapists who use their position of authority to try to impose an agenda on male patients' behavior. I've been the +1 at meetings of psychologists, cocktail parties, receptions, this kind of stuff, where they openly talk about hating men. So I don't think a therapist being sexist and having a chip on her shoulder is really that unlikely at all. That said, you two seem pretty dysfunctional and resentful toward one another so the split is probably for the best. Here's the catch: I asked him "if it was a male therapist that said the same thing, would you call him sexist too?" and he said "yes". Anyways, his proven to be not mentally "there" so whatever he says cant really be taken seriously.
LovelyDaze Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 In short, he wanted to meet up for coffee so he can unload more BS about me abusing him and causing him to have PTSD/depression!!! Never mind how he told me had been raped, abused by previous GFs, etc in the past!! No, apparently it was me who caused it! After his last rant, I just said "bye" and blocked him on that app lol He just screams BPD, it's unbelievable. That IS unbelievable! Very proud of your tenacity to stay strong in his repeated attempts to want to connect via text/hangouts and in person. You are on top of this. Keep up staying NC best you can even with your ex finding ways to contact you despite your best efforts. His issues definitely don't need to be yours as you deserve to be truly happy and at peace with life.
gnick Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 You are doing everything right yet I kind of feel bad for this guy. He feels horrible with no self esteem and doesn't know where to turn
Author MovingOnIsHard Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 @LovelyDaze: thanks. I honestly didnt expect him to contact me via hangoutS And it came at an unexpected time ( I was rushing to get into the loo at the time lol) Ive blocked him in every way possible.. fb, pof, email, etc. I feel shaken up but I'll feel better soon. @gnick: I've felt sorry for him so many times, during the entire period we were together.. then i realized i feel more sorry for myself for letting him use me as an emotional tampon and throwing me away whenever he felt like it. Now, whenever i feel nostalgic about the good times, i re read his last message and i remind myself that this was the person i dated all that time... absolutely deranged. He talked me into buying a house together, possibly kids down the road... I dodged a major bullet And I thank god for it everyday. I have a career i love, a hobby i love even more (dancing) and im finally able to go out with friends without having someone always making feel bad for it.
Author MovingOnIsHard Posted April 6, 2015 Author Posted April 6, 2015 Lol... Just when i thought I've made myself scarce, my ex messages me through a dating site using another account (i blocked the previous account). Long story short, was shaken up a bit but deleted the message right away. Happy easter everyone! 1
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