sfbvarela Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Okay so this question is entirely not related to my relationship problems. I was just curious if under what circumstances would you guys suggest to not go NC. Because I haven't seen a thread here wherein the answer is not NC. I was just curious. Or is NC the only absolute solution to every relationship problem?
Light Breeze Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) People do NC after a relationship ends for the purpose of healing and moving on. You might want to make it clear what kind of "relationship problems" you're talking about because there are lots. Best way to fix a relationship problem DURING its course, in my opinion, is to COMMUNICATE with each other. Edited January 28, 2015 by Light Breeze 1
Author sfbvarela Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 Oh yeah sorry I wasn't clear. I mean after a break up. I mean like what if they had a child? Shouldn't they continue to work it out for the child? Or something like that. I mean, after a break up, is there any circumstance wherein they SHOULD get back together, and NC forever is not the solution?
Farid Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) In this case temporary NC would be useful if there are a lot of negative emotions towards each other. About a month should do it. As said above, NC is for you to heal and move on. If you don't have the luxury for NC, of course it's better to come to some kind of understanding for the sake of the children for example. But a temporary one can help cool things off. For those who want their ex back, temporary NC can help, but (depending on how much your ex means to you) permanent NC is not the solution. It can even be damaging. If you wanna get some different opinions on how NC can be used (or if it should be used at all) google "toronto date doctor no contact" and it should get you there. Edited January 28, 2015 by Farid removed forbidden link
evanescentworld Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Oh yeah sorry I wasn't clear. I mean after a break up. I mean like what if they had a child? Shouldn't they continue to work it out for the child? Or something like that. I mean, after a break up, is there any circumstance wherein they SHOULD get back together, and NC forever is not the solution? If you had actually properly read the NC Guide, you would have seen there IS in fact a 'clause' for this... If you have kids together, NC is almost impossible. The best thing to do is keep whatever contact you must have to a minimum. Don't argue with them, don't ask for a second chance, and don’t beg them to take you back. Just be very polite and business-like. It's called LC - Limited Contact. (Under 'How long should I wait to contact my Ex?') Again, the reconciliation conditions are within the Guide.
Light Breeze Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I mean, after a break up, is there any circumstance wherein they SHOULD get back together, and NC forever is not the solution? Again, NC is a tool for healing and moving on. It is not a "solution" to be used to entice your ex to reconcile with you. If you are looking for specific ways to win back your ex you're not going to find a comprehensive strategy guide here. Always remember, no persons and relationships are the same, the dynamics always differ. That's the reason why you always read about people whining, why this or that "get your ex back" program doesn't work. About your question about having children, evanescent pointed out the LC "clause" in the NC guide.
Light Breeze Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) Double post Edited January 28, 2015 by Light Breeze Double post
swimswimswim Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) I feel certain that NC is the best general rule for initial healing. BUT I just now had situation where I feel NC on a specific topic was bad form. I am applying for a job near my (LDR) ex that I genuinely want, though I found out about it through her. Through close family connections she would know whether and when I had applied almost immediately. I felt that I would look back and see NC in this case as more of a childish snub, telling her she has to find out not from me but from someone else, than it was anything to do with me and my healing. So I sent a very brief message informing her and that was it. It was never intended to try and start a regular conversation. I do not regret messaging, though I certainly still feel I would have regretted not messaging. I'm sure that the vast majority of dumpees come up with their own caveats/exceptions and regret them later. Maybe I will too, though I doubt it. Edited January 28, 2015 by swimswimswim 1
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