OrangeSnack Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) Long story short, I've been on 5 dates with this girl (2 months) and there is something wrong with me or something wrong with her... I'm at lost and I'm pretty mad at myself but I don't know whether or not I should be mad at myself, so hear me out... Date 1: just casual dinner. Got to know her and was setup on a blind date. Expressed my interest that I would like to get to know her more. Date 2: took her to a painting class. We both enjoyed our time together. Nothing happened towards the end. Just hugged and went out separate ways. Date 3: took her to dinner and karaoke. That's when I made my first attempt to hold her hands and it was quite successful. Towards the end nothing happened and we just hugged and I kissed her on the cheeks. Date 4: I was mentally preparing myself to go in for the kiss but I realize that **** should just happen naturally. Took her to dinner and then we went bowling. It was fun we held hands again but towards the end I just hugged because I was a chicken **** and I felt that it wasn't the right time to kiss her. Date 5: dinner and karaoke again. We held hands and just talked... Sang and had a good time. Dropped her off and tried to go in for the kiss but she turned her head and gave me her cheeks instead. WTF? Am I not stepping up my game or is she just not interested? Like what am I supposed to do? Grab her face and smooch her mouth? I'm feeling like I screwed up and shouldn't have kissed her cheeks. Now I'm feeling that she's not interested or won't take me seriously. But guys what am I doing wrong??? Is she not giving me the right signs or am I just really really bad at kissing? Couple things to note, I initiate probably 90%. There was one time she messaged me, asking how my day was and that was just once. She'll answer my text but I kinda wished she needs to put in her part. Am I overthinking and just pissed that society dictates that the kiss should happen within 3-4 dates but yet my date is taking longer and I'm feeling that I'm just being used??? We scheduled something tentative this coming weekend but for some odd reason I think She will bail last minute. She's probably thinking why am I wasting time on this guy when he doesn't have the balls to kiss me? Lol **** but doesn't the cheek count? Lol. Ahhhhh so mad at myself... Edited January 28, 2015 by OrangeSnack
evanescentworld Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 On the face of it, I would say "Welcome to the FriendZone".... Turned her cheek? Really? I think all these friendly hugs (I bet there was no 'body contact', just leaning in and shoulders touching, the rest of the body staying out of her "space"... am I right...?) and pecks on the cheek are making her thing what a great guy friend you are. I think you need to talk. I mean, actually talk. Broach the subject. tackle it head-on and find out what gives. Seriously. It's amazing what a bit of verbal communication can accomplish.... 1
Author OrangeSnack Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) On the face of it, I would say "Welcome to the FriendZone".... Turned her cheek? Really? I think all these friendly hugs (I bet there was no 'body contact', just leaning in and shoulders touching, the rest of the body staying out of her "space"... am I right...?) and pecks on the cheek are making her thing what a great guy friend you are. I think you need to talk. I mean, actually talk. Broach the subject. tackle it head-on and find out what gives. Seriously. It's amazing what a bit of verbal communication can accomplish.... I was seriously thinking about that too but the hand holding is quite common. Friends don't just hold hands? We might see each other again this weekend and if people think the "talk" is necessary then I'm game. I just am afraid to come off too needy, you know what I mean? All of our hugs had been pretty intimate, at least from my view point but she might feel like it was friendly hugs! Edited January 28, 2015 by OrangeSnack
evanescentworld Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I was seriously thinking about that too but the hand holding is quite common. Friends don't just hold hands? Depends... culturally speaking the young in Italy do that quite often... All of our hugs had been pretty intimate, at least from my view point but she might feel like it was friendly hugs! Describe 'intimate, at least from my view point'....?
Author OrangeSnack Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 Depends... culturally speaking the young in Italy do that quite often... Describe 'intimate, at least from my view point'....? She's of asian descent. I'm asian too. I think hand holding is very exclusive for couples of asian background. But then again she's more asian than I am. The hand holding is just hand holding, it's locked fingers and I think that means something? Intimate hugging is long hugging with body rubbing against each other. Usually lasting more than 5 seconds? Friendly hugs is rare body contact lasting less than 5 seconds. To think of it, I think i fit in the middle of that... I might be overthinking this but she's 3 years older than me (31) and I think she's more worried about finding someone then just playing games. Is she a virgin or maybe she's never been in a relationship before? I highly doubt that but you just never know...
evanescentworld Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I think it's high time you guys at least had a "So, where are we going with this?" chat.... 1
Author OrangeSnack Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 I think it's high time you guys at least had a "So, where are we going with this?" chat.... I think you might be right. Do you reckon me to do it in person?
evanescentworld Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Oh good god, yes! There IS no other way! Please tell me you weren't thinking of doing that via text!? My life!! 2
Author OrangeSnack Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 Oh good god, yes! There IS no other way! Please tell me you weren't thinking of doing that via text!? My life!! Lol! Honestly 5% of me was thinking about a phone call. Texting? No way... Hahahah
LoveRefreshed Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 In person. Next time you see her. Just say the words "I am interested in you, as in I want to take you out on a date" Magical what they can accomplish. 1
rdet123 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 This is simple...you waited too long to initiate intimacy From a girls point of view I think you should have made a move to kiss her on the second date..3rd at the latest! She obviously liked you enough to go out with you 5 times and she's probably wondering in her head "why hasn't this guy kissed me yet?" I would say you're making your way to the friend zone...unless you can create some form of intimacy, not just holding hands. You need an intimate setting of some sort and then just do it!
Redhead14 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Long story short, I've been on 5 dates with this girl (2 months) and there is something wrong with me or something wrong with her... I'm at lost and I'm pretty mad at myself but I don't know whether or not I should be mad at myself, so hear me out... Date 1: just casual dinner. Got to know her and was setup on a blind date. Expressed my interest that I would like to get to know her more. Date 2: took her to a painting class. We both enjoyed our time together. Nothing happened towards the end. Just hugged and went out separate ways. Date 3: took her to dinner and karaoke. That's when I made my first attempt to hold her hands and it was quite successful. Towards the end nothing happened and we just hugged and I kissed her on the cheeks. Date 4: I was mentally preparing myself to go in for the kiss but I realize that **** should just happen naturally. Took her to dinner and then we went bowling. It was fun we held hands again but towards the end I just hugged because I was a chicken **** and I felt that it wasn't the right time to kiss her. Date 5: dinner and karaoke again. We held hands and just talked... Sang and had a good time. Dropped her off and tried to go in for the kiss but she turned her head and gave me her cheeks instead. WTF? Am I not stepping up my game or is she just not interested? Like what am I supposed to do? Grab her face and smooch her mouth? I'm feeling like I screwed up and shouldn't have kissed her cheeks. Now I'm feeling that she's not interested or won't take me seriously. But guys what am I doing wrong??? Is she not giving me the right signs or am I just really really bad at kissing? Couple things to note, I initiate probably 90%. There was one time she messaged me, asking how my day was and that was just once. She'll answer my text but I kinda wished she needs to put in her part. Am I overthinking and just pissed that society dictates that the kiss should happen within 3-4 dates but yet my date is taking longer and I'm feeling that I'm just being used??? We scheduled something tentative this coming weekend but for some odd reason I think She will bail last minute. She's probably thinking why am I wasting time on this guy when he doesn't have the balls to kiss me? Lol **** but doesn't the cheek count? Lol. Ahhhhh so mad at myself... You're putting too much pressure on yourself. Try to relax. She may sense the pressure in ways you aren't aware of. Don't try to think about what she is thinking, there's no way to know that. She is otherwise showing you at least that holding hands is ok with her. When she feels your anxiety about it, she's less likely to accommodate. She's been on several dates with you, she's interested enough. Pay attention to her other behaviors as well. Listen to her closely about where she's "at" in her life. At some point, you need to be clear about what your dating goals are for yourself in general and find out what's she's looking for. Do this conversationally and casually, Don't focus on this one thing. If all the other signals are there, just go with it for a little while.
Author OrangeSnack Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 This is simple...you waited too long to initiate intimacy From a girls point of view I think you should have made a move to kiss her on the second date..3rd at the latest! She obviously liked you enough to go out with you 5 times and she's probably wondering in her head "why hasn't this guy kissed me yet?" I would say you're making your way to the friend zone...unless you can create some form of intimacy, not just holding hands. You need an intimate setting of some sort and then just do it! I have that feeling too but she wasn't giving me any signs!!! Maybe I'm just a blind ass mofo...
losangelena Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I second the notion of using your words. The fact that you did try and go in for a kiss and she turned her head—that to me suggests that you need to find out how she's feeling about all this. Could be friends (but I don't hold hands with my guy friends, or kiss them on the cheek, usually), or more likely could be slow-moving. You've been out five times and you don't know if she's had a boyfriend or is still a virgin? What do y'all talk about?
Redhead14 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I second the notion of using your words. The fact that you did try and go in for a kiss and she turned her head—that to me suggests that you need to find out how she's feeling about all this. Could be friends (but I don't hold hands with my guy friends, or kiss them on the cheek, usually), or more likely could be slow-moving. You've been out five times and you don't know if she's had a boyfriend or is still a virgin? What do y'all talk about? Yes, he needs to have that conversation with her and on a casual level. It's about finding out where she's "at" and finding out if they are on the same page. Doing this fairly early, minimizes or even eliminate the potential for hurt
Redhead14 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Dating successfully requires being a mature adult and being able to have the "hard" conversations early. If you are afraid to talk to a man or a woman about adult things early, your ability to communicate effectively if the relationship progresses will be it's downfall. Never be afraid to talk to someone about how you are feeling, what your expectations and hopes are. It's not about what you say, it's about how you say it and approach it. Do these things conversationally and without putting pressure on the other person. Don't say hey, I know I wanna be in a relationship with you and you are early in the dating process. Segue into a conversation about where you are in your life, what you want your future to look like in general. And then let them tell you what they are looking for. Later, you can be specific when the time is right. If you know he's/she's the one your want to focus on and you are pretty certain he/she feels the same way, then you can say you want exclusivity, boyfriend, etc. 1
Author OrangeSnack Posted January 28, 2015 Author Posted January 28, 2015 I second the notion of using your words. The fact that you did try and go in for a kiss and she turned her head—that to me suggests that you need to find out how she's feeling about all this. Could be friends (but I don't hold hands with my guy friends, or kiss them on the cheek, usually), or more likely could be slow-moving. You've been out five times and you don't know if she's had a boyfriend or is still a virgin? What do y'all talk about? We talk a lot about our family, work, passion in life, hobbies. I feel like we might be running in circles or we just haven't had enough time to get to know each other. We tentatively planned for something this Saturday. I think I'm going to talk more about dating and what she looks for in a relationship. Of course like many of you suggested, make it casual and non chalant. I think this whole time we've been dating I don't even know or realize what she's looking for. I think that's my fault. I think I'm just a little too anxious to seal the deal when the person I'm dating is still trying to get to know me. I think yall are right, I just gotta relax.
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