Can you tell which new couples will stay together and which won't?

[AVarma]

Do you find you can tell which new couples will eventually get married and be together and which won't? Have you ever been surprised by a couple which stayed together which you thought would never last or vice versa?

[almond]

I normally can, but my crystal ball is in the shop for repairs at the moment

 

 

I've seen a lot of couples who seem great together (on the surface anyway) break up. I see plenty that just seem doomed to fail, who stay together...happily or not.

 

 

Relationships are way too complex to be able to predict like this...if we could, the divorce rate wouldn't be nearly as high as it is!

[Arieswoman]

I used to think I had the handle on this but boy have I been proved wrong !

 

Couples I know who have split in the last 10 years include ;-

 

1. Apparently happy couple (not married) 11 years together, 10 year-old child - reason unknown.

2. Couple married 40 years, seem happy, enviable lifestyle, kids grown and flown - husband takes early retirement and decides he wants a sex-change.

3. Couple married 20 years, two teenage boys - husband gets busted for grooming underage girls, gets 8 years at "Her Majesty's Pleasure".

 

 

No-one knows what goes on in other people's lives .......

[Toodaloo]

You can normally tell by the way they treat each other. If they work as a team.

 

If one treats the other like dirt much of the time you can tell it will end soon enough. Normally around about 7-8 years... Its where I think the "7 year itch" comes from...

[Frank2thepoint]

Do you find you can tell which new couples will eventually get married and be together and which won't? Have you ever been surprised by a couple which stayed together which you thought would never last or vice versa?

 

Predicting if a couple stays together is akin to predicting the lottery.

 

 

2. Couple married 40 years, seem happy, enviable lifestyle, kids grown and flown - husband takes early retirement and decides he wants a sex-change.

 

I'm laughing way too hard at this. So the guy is at least in his 60s, and with all those years living as a man, he got bored and wanted to try out being somewhat of a woman?

[evanescentworld]

You can normally tell by the way they treat each other. If they work as a team.

 

If one treats the other like dirt much of the time you can tell it will end soon enough. Normally around about 7-8 years... Its where I think the "7 year itch" comes from...

 

having had some mild and superficial experience at working in counselling, I'm better at it, but it's still not a hard-and-fast predictable thing....

 

And meeting the couple in question would be a pre-requisite....

[Quiet Storm]

Communication and interaction is important, but I think individual traits play a bigger part. If one partner has an excessive need for attention/validation, alcohol/drug abuse or poor coping skills, I think they may not last. A couple is really only as strong as its weakest link.

[compulsivedancer]

I used to think I had the handle on this but boy have I been proved wrong !

 

Couples I know who have split in the last 10 years include ;-

 

1. Apparently happy couple (not married) 11 years together, 10 year-old child - reason unknown.

2. Couple married 40 years, seem happy, enviable lifestyle, kids grown and flown - husband takes early retirement and decides he wants a sex-change.

3. Couple married 20 years, two teenage boys - husband gets busted for grooming underage girls, gets 8 years at "Her Majesty's Pleasure".

 

 

No-one knows what goes on in other people's lives .......

 

Wow, people really do live strange and unknown lives.

[salparadise]

Communication and interaction is important, but I think individual traits play a bigger part. If one partner has an excessive need for attention/validation, alcohol/drug abuse or poor coping skills, I think they may not last. A couple is really only as strong as its weakest link.

 

I have read a number or articles that say that couples who naturally deescalate conflict and don't sweat the small stuff are far more likely to succeed for the long haul. But if they have a propensity to make mountains out of molehills, rehash past issues, feel it's important to be right (win the argument) and keep a list of the other's past transgressions to use as ammunition... it does not bode well.

 

There was a recent study done where they found a high correlation with long-term success and both halves of a couple being high in agreeableness and conscientiousness based on the Big Five or Five Factor Model of personality traits.

[preraph]

You can't tell. I've been shocked at a couple or two who broke up who seemed so right for each other. And appalled that quite a few women I know would stay with the men they chose for any length of time being treated so badly.

[Woggle]

It can't be put into words but it's just a feeling you get being around them. I have been around a few couples though where I had to bite my lip because it was like watching a train about to go off a cliff.

[newmoon]

I have read a number or articles that say that couples who naturally deescalate conflict and don't sweat the small stuff are far more likely to succeed for the long haul. But if they have a propensity to make mountains out of molehills, rehash past issues, feel it's important to be right (win the argument) and keep a list of the other's past transgressions to use as ammunition... it does not bode well.

 

There was a recent study done where they found a high correlation with long-term success and both halves of a couple being high in agreeableness and conscientiousness based on the Big Five or Five Factor Model of personality traits.

 

i read this study too, it was excellent. they studied several relationship factors, and there was also a very high success rate and happiness rate (in marriage) when the woman was significantly more attractive than her husband.

[Toodaloo]

having had some mild and superficial experience at working in counselling, I'm better at it, but it's still not a hard-and-fast predictable thing....

 

And meeting the couple in question would be a pre-requisite....

 

Nothing is ever set in stone... but you can normally tell if its a long term thing or not.

 

There are currently bets on in my family about one particular wedding... I stand to loose a significant amount if I am wrong Part of me hopes I am but in this case I don't think I am. Seen it too many times.

[MissBee]

Do you find you can tell which new couples will eventually get married and be together and which won't? Have you ever been surprised by a couple which stayed together which you thought would never last or vice versa?

 

I can't predict it with fail proof accuracy but have overtime made some intelligent wagers.

 

There are couples that I am in no way shocked when I hear they've split up as I saw it coming, likewise those that I'm in no way shocked when I see them getting married.

 

But like others have said, I've also been shocked by the breakup of couples that seemed perfect as well as surprised that some dysfunctional relationships are still chugging along (like a friend of mine and her bf have been together 7 years now, I'm shocked, they don't really seem that happy but it's been going on for almost a decade.)

[No Limit]

No, I find it absolutely unpredictable what people will make good relationship material and which won't. A good friend of mine had a BF who I thought seemed pretty mature - nope, he cheated on her with his ex in December, they broke up over it just a few days ago because even though she wanted the second chance as well for them she couldn't take it anymore. I also remember a guy writing "I've been married to my wife for almost 20 years and was always faithful - except that one time where a woman offered herself" -- you'd be surprised how little some people really care about you.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Some people can tell, others cannot. It also helps on how well you know the person.

 

Keep in mind, just because the relationship is a train-wreck, doesn't mean it won't last for some time.

[d0nnivain]

Sometimes but I'm wrong more then I am right.

 

For example, friends got married at 19. I thought they were nuts & it would never last. They will celebrate 30 years together next year.

 

Another GF married this guy & became his 4th wife. I thought that had no hope. May will be their 15th anniversary.

 

I friend from HS divorced his wife of 20+ years last year. Nobody saw that coming.

 

You really don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

[Broom]

Not necessarily. I can see and observe things when a woman is clearly using the guy for her own personal gain.

 

But it's a matter of the guy is too caught up in her beauty or too unaware to realize it. These situations don't really end unless the woman finds someone else.

 

It's amazing what beautiful women can get away with.

[Woggle]

Due to some of my past trust issues I tend to have good instincts on whether or not a woman is sincere with a man. You observe them together and you can just tell whether or not some are really in love.

[StanMusial]

It's kind of like predicting the weather. There are things you can look for but you never get it right 100% of the time.

 

For marriages the first thing I would look for is family support. Even people who seem mismatched personality-wise, I have seen make it work when they have solid support from their families.

[todreaminblue]

I thought that my mum and my step dad would never split up....never....they did....they are however after ten years separated....not divorced......and have never of course remarried.....

 

i have been able to predict break ups...sometimes i get it right....sometimes i dont...i do accurately predict tension and problems with couples..you can feel it..........deb

[Jesuischarlie]

Before I got together with MM I remember people commenting on him and his BS being at opposite sides of the room whenever there was a party. You wouldn't imagine they'd been together 30years. Didn't even acknowledge each other. But they're still living together somehow. I often wonder what front they put on now. Post affair. You just can never tell.

[elaine567]

You really don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

 

And that is the crux of the matter. Some couples put on a great loving front and are falling apart, some couples seem distant but are rock solid, some couples row all the time and are soul mates and others never row but hate and despise each other.