liswil Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 I was reading newby's thread on how the mm ended it and wanted to ask a question but thought I'd start a new thread about it. Has anyone told the wife when that happened? Any stories on that?
ww Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 NO. And IMO that would be the most stupid and mean do. Even if he did to me what he did and whatever the two of us had it was between the 2 of us. It is his problem if tell a wife or not. If he can cover it and go on with it ok. If he feel guilty and tells the wife well ok too. But no, I never felt the urge to tell his wife. Why should I do such a thing? What good can that bring? ( to me? ) Some girls may think to do it just to hurt their x MM or for revenge. But I have no intentions to hurt him that way. ( however I am giving him a bit of hard times , honestly. But that is going on just between 2 of us . I am not planing to say in public mean stuff about him or spreading bad info about him - that would be yet more childish. ) I just told all mean stuff directly to him. whatever : no i would never tell his wife . That is his duty not mine.
sami Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 That's very gentle, mature and responsible of you to say ww.
newby Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 just curious: what was it about my thread that made you think of this? also no i would never tell her, definetly never. for one thing the less people hurt by this the better. he may have a chance to sort his marriage out, perhaps having the A made him realise that he loves her and wishes to make it better for the whole family. thats a good thing coming out of this as far as i am concerned. the relationship i had with him has nothing to do with the relationship he had with his wife. the things that he did that hurt me were nothing to do with his relationship with his wife. theres no reason for it, some people might think it would do the wife good to know, well chances are she alredy suspects but this is her way of dealing anyway, and somebody telling her straight blows her coping mechanisms out which is not good for her. also, it may be just a very temporary thing a big mistake on mms part that he regrets and wants to make better. i dont happen to agree that he can only make it better if he is honest about it. in fact sometimes being honest is more selfish, it would only be to relieve his own guilt. even if i were being totally selfish what good would it do for me to tell his wife? it would lose me dignity and also make bigger a mess that should be kept to a minimum. it is never a good idea to tell the wife why do you ask liswil?
ww Posted March 31, 2005 Posted March 31, 2005 But if i had to tell I would chose this option: i would ren a huge zeppelin and put a red script on : SUPERMAN SHAGS DIVINE...so whole the town would know excuse me but i am really in great mood today ,it`s spring wooohooooooooooooooooo
ww Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 And what exactly should an OW tell a wife... ermm excuse me I wish you a great day , oh you luck so fine , not at all as bitchy as your spouse described you between the shags! Oh yes and btw i did your husband all those nights he worked late...well glad to meet you ...hope our enzymes were compatible! bye anyway was so nice to meet you 1
newby Posted April 1, 2005 Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by ww And what exactly should an OW tell a wife... ermm excuse me I wish you a great day , oh you luck so fine , not at all as bitchy as your spouse described you between the shags! Oh yes and btw i did your husband all those nights he worked late...well glad to meet you ...hope our enzymes were compatible! bye anyway was so nice to meet you
floatinglotus Posted July 3, 2005 Posted July 3, 2005 I've been fantasising (often) of telling the wife. I have their fax number and am tempted to send through our photos together and emails/cards he's sent to me. And all the love texts to boot. However, they are fantasies. Would I actually go through with it? I'm hurt and angry. He involved me in his life when he had no right to. I believed him. Yes, same old same old but he would cry and cry in my arms and tell me that for the first time he could allow himself to feel this emotion. What would I gain from telling her? The thought that you can't play with people and get away with it. Why should I be the sufferer and him just go on as if nothing's happened? I'm sorry, I'm very down right now.
smile95 Posted July 3, 2005 Posted July 3, 2005 A friend of mine told her MM's wife after he lied to her about how the W got pregnant.....needless to say, it turned out the H was lying to both of them, the wife told my friend she could have him, and she did(dumb) and the H treats her like GOLD now because he knows he has lost the W and has no coice. However, he cheats on her now, so she really did not WIN.
DoggyDog Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 In answer to your question..I had no choice but to tell the W everything. I called his cell phone so I thought, it was his house and I left a message. Needless to say, the wife called me and everything came out in that call. I still saw my MM and he called like nothing ever happened with the W. Looking back, something had to have happened there though I'll never know...and could care less. It was sometime ago when this happened and if you ask me would I have done anything different or said anything different the answer would be "NO". It was a mistake and that's that. I'm sure the W lost it there with my MM but he never said a word to me on any of it. I'm glad she knew of me and both of them will have to live without me in their life, or so they will try...but trust me...I will always be in life even in their dreams and nightmares.
cheatersrsad Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 I hope that every OW/OM who gets the change - tells the MM/MW about their cheating spouse. EVERY person deserves to know that their spouse is... 1. Lying to them 2. Having sex with someone else 3. Spending time away from them/kids/family to be with someone else 4. spending money on someone else 5. Dishonest and not to be thought of in a long term future
floatinglotus Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Some of you may be upset with me, but I have told her. Another post will be coming shortly to describe the scenario. I feel closure is at hand.
floatinglotus Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Hi Newbby, I have been absorbed in the tragedy unfolding in London right now. Makes my problem seem almost insignificant. Will post tomorrow evening when I have more time. Needless to say, telling her has made me feel better - but I don't know if I should be necessarily proud of that. What's done is done though. From his response, it must have been hell on earth in that household. Talk tomorrow (probably on a new thread). FL
Vega Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 My DH's OW told me. Apparently DH broke it off with her (it was a short-lived affair) and she decided that I needed to know and I guess she wanted to hurt DH because she was falling for him and he was not falling for her. She called and said "your husband is having an affair" and hung up. I didn't believe it. She did that several times and I just figured it was a crank call. I never suspected. After the 3rd or 4rh time she called I told DH that some woman was calling claiming he was having an affair. I was so dumb, I still didn't suspect. Until I saw the look in his eyes when I said that. He immediately confessed to me and my world fell apart then. I was so angry at the OW I just wanted to scream every horrid name at her and when that phase passed I realized that it was DH I should be mad at and boy, waz I!
floatinglotus Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Hello Vega, I told the wife of my MM on Monday night. He promised me that evening that he would be coming out to see me within three months but I kept asking him, when will we finally be together. He gave no answer and then proceeded to tell me that he had thrown away some things I had made for him and deleted my photos. I had his house number in front of me as he was being hurtful and I knew as soon as I hung up, I would call her. My intention was not to hurt her (though I'm no fool, I know that she must be devastated) but I wanted to hurt him and hurt him as badly as I could. Their company is in her name and they are not legally married. If she leaves, his money goes with her. He'll be left with nothing. In addition, her father is a bit of a mafia man (though do I actually believe this???) and has a number of guns and my MM is scared stiff of him. Dear me, what a pickle we get ourselves into. Do MMs realise that a scenario like this is a definite possibility? Do they not think that OWs could call the W? Why risk everything you have? It would have been easier for him to go through with his promises to me than to end it all the way it has. Better still, why involve other people in your miserable life? Not happy at home? Then either fix it or leave. No cake for you tonight honey. He had no idea that I had his number (as he lives in Bangkok). Well that's what the Thai white pages is for (silly man). And just because I can't speak Thai, I know how to cut and paste his name in Thai script that was readily available on the internet. Will post what happened in a jiffy. FL
1Yoyo Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 I have wanted to tell his wife for a while, but I don't know what purpose it would serve. I want him to be there for his kids if this is indeed what he wants. I am sure he loves me, but I do question how deep considering he is still in what he calls a "loveless" marriage. I don't believe I could stick it out in a marriage if I no longer loved that person.I am still searching for the strength to leave after a year and a half. I truly love this man and the thought of not having him in my life makes me sad, though I realize it is probably the best thing. Someday... Yo
lurking Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 I tod her, and no regrets. Everyone deals with facts now...
floatinglotus Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by lurking I tod her, and no regrets. Everyone deals with facts now... What was the reaction of the MM?
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