sandylee1 Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 My advice: divorce. I think you're full of lies. He wanted a divorce within four years of marriage. This didn't happen out of the blue. He was probably feeling this way for at least a few months. You say everything was great to that point. No it wasn't. Not to him. You begged him to stay? Maybe manipulated, guilt tripped? Held on to him and used your heart and the idea of family as hostages? Then he started treating you badly? He admits it and then you use that as justification to have an affair, maybe out of revenge? You keep him around long enough for you to find a soft landing? And in case you don't find someone new now everyone knows he's supposedly a bad guy and you get to keep him longer? My question is, why doesn't he leave. And I think the above is my answer. He fell out of love and should have left regardless of the begging. That gave him the upper hand. Because if you complained he could easily say I told you I don't love you any more. Staying out of guilt is wrong. His heart wasn't on it anymore. He wasn't interested in counselling and that's because he didn't want the marriage. It's awful for him to be nasty and more so in front of your dd. For her sake if not your own, move on and find happiness wherever that is. He probably doesn't leave so he can continue being abusive. Some men (and women) are just like that. Ignore those who don't believe you. You know the truth about your marriage. On the basis of what you've said, why bother with MC. Like I said he can't believe that you his wife that begged him not to leave, that he verbally abuses, dared to cheat. It's a huge blow to his ego, because let's face it if he doesn't love you why else would it bother him. 2
gettingstronger Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Yes, divorce- if its as bad as you say, its time to leave- I am not sure what other advice you are looking for- you are getting upset when any other issue is brought up- you add more and more of the horrible things your husband does when any other advice is given so... yes, its time to leave- Best of luck!
Author Daisy3220 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 Soooo, when does OM blow back into town? Still have those plans to catch up? Or done that already? I have not seen him and have no plans to as of now if you really must know 1
Author Daisy3220 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 My advice: divorce. I think you're full of lies. He wanted a divorce within four years of marriage. This didn't happen out of the blue. He was probably feeling this way for at least a few months. You say everything was great to that point. No it wasn't. Not to him. You begged him to stay? Maybe manipulated, guilt tripped? Held on to him and used your heart and the idea of family as hostages? Then he started treating you badly? He admits it and then you use that as justification to have an affair, maybe out of revenge? You keep him around long enough for you to find a soft landing? And in case you don't find someone new now everyone knows he's supposedly a bad guy and you get to keep him longer? My question is, why doesn't he leave. And I think the above is my answer. He wanted a divorce after 2 years of marriage, told me he wasn't cut out for being married or having kids...yes I begged him to stay, I was heart broken, I was shocked, I never knew he was unhappy. As far as people thinking he's a bad guy, it's nothing I have to tell people, they have seen it, I don't go around bad mouthing him. His own family asked why I stayed. I guess in my mind I though I could have changed him. I never expected I would be one who had an affair, beieve me I have judged people in the past and never knew how people could do it, I'm not sure why you have to be so rude to me. I am in an infidelity thread, not one for people who are happily married. 2
Biere123 Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 Sounds like you guys have a very messed up relationship period. Don't let fear hold you hostage. Build some self-esteem and end it. Move on. Find happiness. Your view is distorted. 1
DKT3 Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 I don't think the comments have been "rude" I believe its stuff you don't really want to hear. When that's the case it feels rude. Daisy, we have all been a dot on the infidelity triangle many of us can identify with where your at and what your feeling. The thing is, most who have responded to your thread see you as being dishonest about this situation. And we understand that, because denial and delusions make dealing with this type of stuff easier. After my wifes affair it was easy for me to think, "ok, this is my fault" why? Because if it was my fault then I could fix me and the things I did thus controlling the outcome of her fidelity. It was easy, and allowed me to continue on in the marriage for a short time. Right now, its easy for you to say "my husband sucked I cheated get over it" the problem is that doesn't answer the questions that you will need to answer to move on from this and find a happy healthy relationship. You can only do that by being honest, asking and answering the hard questions. Your not being honest with us, therefore your not being honest with yourself. That gets you no where. Ex: you have blasted your husband at every turn, everything from being abusive to a $hitty father. Then you say "I don't go around bad mouthing him" that is very doubtful judging from what you've done here. Another, you started out saying MM would be in town and you planned on seeing him, then its you haven't spoke to him and have no intentions on seeing him. Its like your working over time to paint yourself as "the good guy" in this situation. Honestly the only "good guy" involved is your child, which is also the one that will take on the most damage. You are as bad as your husband, judging only from what your saying. I would suggest you go back and read all your posts and watch how they shift. Then get honest with yourself, truly accept and own your role in this and not just by saying it. Your childs happiness depends on you being a healthy well rounded person, and you and hubby finding a way to co-parent her together or not (hopefully not). 2
Author Daisy3220 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 I don't think the comments have been "rude" I believe its stuff you don't really want to hear. When that's the case it feels rude. Daisy, we have all been a dot on the infidelity triangle many of us can identify with where your at and what your feeling. The thing is, most who have responded to your thread see you as being dishonest about this situation. And we understand that, because denial and delusions make dealing with this type of stuff easier. After my wifes affair it was easy for me to think, "ok, this is my fault" why? Because if it was my fault then I could fix me and the things I did thus controlling the outcome of her fidelity. It was easy, and allowed me to continue on in the marriage for a short time. Right now, its easy for you to say "my husband sucked I cheated get over it" the problem is that doesn't answer the questions that you will need to answer to move on from this and find a happy healthy relationship. You can only do that by being honest, asking and answering the hard questions. Your not being honest with us, therefore your not being honest with yourself. That gets you no where. Ex: you have blasted your husband at every turn, everything from being abusive to a $hitty father. Then you say "I don't go around bad mouthing him" that is very doubtful judging from what you've done here. Another, you started out saying MM would be in town and you planned on seeing him, then its you haven't spoke to him and have no intentions on seeing him. Its like your working over time to paint yourself as "the good guy" in this situation. Honestly the only "good guy" involved is your child, which is also the one that will take on the most damage. You are as bad as your husband, judging only from what your saying. I would suggest you go back and read all your posts and watch how they shift. Then get honest with yourself, truly accept and own your role in this and not just by saying it. Your childs happiness depends on you being a healthy well rounded person, and you and hubby finding a way to co-parent her together or not (hopefully not). How am I lying? I admitted everything...I don't bad mouth him to people, my best friend knows a lot but other than that I don't, isn't this a site where nobody knows each other? I can say things because you dint know me and him. Also, I did think about seeing him, but I have not done so, have no plans to...things can change. Not trying to paint myself as the good guy,
Spectre Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 (edited) Yet again, the bus comes to a screeching halt and all other issues go out the window when someone has.......OMG!!!........AN AFFAIR. And shock of all shocks, this person had the audacity to post in the affair section of this forum. What WAS she thinking?? Ok. She screwed around on her lousy husband. Big f----ing deal. It happens. Let's all move on. It served to wake up all sleeping parties. Now exit stage left. Do..do you not realize this is the infidelity section?? Or did you actually realize that and just...not care for whatever reason? Please, save the drama, save the screeching halt. This is an infidelity forum and you show up to chastise people for focusing on the issue of..infidelity? I don't even know if this is supposed to be taken seriously or not. I mean damn, you came in here and huffed and puffed over this, and what you said would of made 100% sense if this wasn't posted on the infidelity section. So, it ends up making zero sense. Don't get me wrong, the guy is a horrible husband and she needs to leave. But please don't come to an infidelity forum and chastise people for focusing on the issues of infidelity. Edited January 29, 2015 by Spectre 2
Author Daisy3220 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 Do..do you not realize this is the infidelity section?? Or did you actually realize that and just...not care for whatever reason? Please, save the drama, save the screeching halt. This is an infidelity forum and you show up to chastise people for focusing on the issue of..infidelity? I don't even know if this is supposed to be taken seriously or not. I mean damn, you came in here and huffed and puffed over this, and what you said would of made 100% sense if this wasn't posted on the infidelity section. So, it ends up making zero sense. Don't get me wrong, the guy is a horrible husband and she needs to leave. But please don't come to an infidelity forum and chastise people for focusing on the issues of infidelity. Not to mention this whole thing sounds suspicious, with the OP suddenly adding more and more drama to it. All of a sudden it's "oh he probably cheated first!" but oh no, you come on here and gripe about people on an infidelity forum focusing on the affair. Thanks! Exactly what I think! I'm not in the happily married forum posting this
Author Daisy3220 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Posted January 29, 2015 Do..do you not realize this is the infidelity section?? Or did you actually realize that and just...not care for whatever reason? Please, save the drama, save the screeching halt. This is an infidelity forum and you show up to chastise people for focusing on the issue of..infidelity? I don't even know if this is supposed to be taken seriously or not. I mean damn, you came in here and huffed and puffed over this, and what you said would of made 100% sense if this wasn't posted on the infidelity section. So, it ends up making zero sense. Don't get me wrong, the guy is a horrible husband and she needs to leave. But please don't come to an infidelity forum and chastise people for focusing on the issues of infidelity. But I think the person who wrote this was being sarcastic...I think. Lol. A few others seem to have an issue but I think this was sarcasm at a few others;)
sandylee1 Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 Daisy I've said it before you are in an unhealthy marriage. It's time to move on and allow you and your husband to find happiness. I don't believe that will be with each other. I don't believe you've been untruthful here. One cannot say every single thing in their first post so as you get replies, you respond to them with further information. Please let us know what progress you're making.
bathtub-row Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 Do..do you not realize this is the infidelity section?? Or did you actually realize that and just...not care for whatever reason? Please, save the drama, save the screeching halt. This is an infidelity forum and you show up to chastise people for focusing on the issue of..infidelity? I don't even know if this is supposed to be taken seriously or not. I mean damn, you came in here and huffed and puffed over this, and what you said would of made 100% sense if this wasn't posted on the infidelity section. So, it ends up making zero sense. Don't get me wrong, the guy is a horrible husband and she needs to leave. But please don't come to an infidelity forum and chastise people for focusing on the issues of infidelity. I realize that no matter where she posts on LS, she'll get the same reaction. So, just so I understand, the rule on this particular forum is that the poster is going to be bashed even when they've said -- numerous times -- that they know what they did and realize it was a mistake? It's going to get hashed out over and over, no matter what the other issues might be, no matter how many times it's acknowledged. Like I said, the bus comes to a screaching halt every single time. Btw, the correct phrase is "should have" not "should of". I really wish people would stop using that phrase. It's like an epidemic lately. 1
Spectre Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 I realize that no matter where she posts on LS, she'll get the same reaction. So, just so I understand, the rule on this particular forum is that the poster is going to be bashed even when they've said -- numerous times -- that they know what they did and realize it was a mistake? It's going to get hashed out over and over, no matter what the other issues might be, no matter how many times it's acknowledged. Like I said, the bus comes to a screaching halt every single time. Btw, the correct phrase is "should have" not "should of". I really wish people would stop using that phrase. It's like an epidemic lately. Who is bashing? Pointing out somebody messed up isn't specifically just "bashing" regardless of how in touch with reality the person is. Also, the poser knowing they made a mistake doesn't magically mean nobody else can comment on it. That's not how things go. The only screeching halt is you coming in and acting like people are focusing on the wrong thing, when they were not. As for the grammar, I really wish people would just shut up with that, it's like an epidemic, it doesn't hurt you and you understood what was being said, so why go any further? It's kind of ridiculous, especially when again we have you chastising people for focusing on the wrong thing and here you are talking about proper grammar? It is honestly mind boggling, do you read what you type? 1
Oberfeldwebel Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 Yes I did cheat, i own that, but ... Everything from the but to the end of the paragraph is irrelevant, since there is nothing that he did that made you have an affair. I don't say this to disrespect you, but to make you realize what you have done. The individual that you describe as your husband, sounds like a very flawed individual and you have every right to end the relationship. If you had left and then went to be with another, then there would be no issue here. Still I don't think one mistake makes you evil, just human. However, you need to do as much inward reflection as outward. I recommend that you consult an attorney to determine your legal rights. You don't have to file, but you need to know your rights. Then you need to get away for a day or so and do some real soul searching. If you are committed to divorce, then do it as quickly and in a business like fashion. There is no benefit to dragging things out. Either way I recommend staying clear of OM, there is a reason that our ex's are our ex's. 1
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