LoverOfDance Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 (edited) So I just found this post on twitter - "Sometimes, the only reason why you won't let go of what's making you sad is because it was the only thing that made you happy". When I saw it, I thought to myself, "wow this is so true". I felt like it gave me a kind of epiphany. So the guy in a 13 year relationship who I'm always going on and on about, I haven't seen him for 2 months now. Or maybe more, I lost count, not sure. But I miss him....still. And of course it is definitely because I'm alone, literally alone - completely by myself. Even though I get to talk to some friends during the day, I come back home, and I'm all alone. I'm actually considering going back to him just to get a little taste of happiness. Just to see his face. It would make my heart smile a little. But what about the painful sadness that will inevitably hit me again at some point. If only I knew how to avoid it. Once again I ask, what do I do?? If only someone had a perfect solution or knew the perfect way out of this unending tunnel. If you can, please help -_- Edited January 27, 2015 by LoverOfDance
LoveRefreshed Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 ****ing emo. Blah blah, if you depend on someone else for your happiness, you're a lost cause. You need to take care of yourself and stop looking to external factors for your happiness. Love yourself and you'll be happy.
Toodaloo Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 What a load of absolute balls. Are you completely MAD??? The reason why you think its happiness is because you haven't experienced REAL happiness! That saying is a load of absolute balls. I hate to say it but the reason why you don't want to let go is because you are scared. The reason why you don't get off your backside is because you are afraid. Oh woe is me I go home to an empty house... Its not as though that has never happened to anyone before. My Grandmother goes home to an empty house after my Grandfather died. I go home to an empty house because I am single. My cousin goes home to an empty house because he is single. Get a damn grip. Get off your arse and get a damned life. You are behaving like some pathetic little victim. Stop it. Your situation is solved by being a grown up, standing on your own two feet, getting out and making a life for yourself. Stop being a wimp. 3
SycamoreCircle Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 You need to be on your own. Get to know yourself. 1
Author LoverOfDance Posted January 27, 2015 Author Posted January 27, 2015 @Toodaloo You're right. I shouldn't depend on someone else for my happiness. The thing about him is that he made me happy but at the same time really sad as well (although not on purpose). Sometimes I'm strong and sometimes I'm not so strong. When I feel weak I come to this site to write all my feelings down and I try to be as completely honest as possible about how I am feeling in the moment. And I guess, that's why I seem like a wimp, lol. I know what the answer to my question is but like I said in my previous posts, I just need reassurance (sometimes, especially when I feel weak). There's no way I'm going back this time. And deep inside of me, I think I know that very well. I think I finally got to that point where nothing could ever make me go back to him because I realize I SHOULD love myself more. Because I realize I need to stop going around in circles and make a firm decision to stop seeing him and TRY to let him go. The difficult part however is actually letting my feelings go. I have no control over this part and I'm just hoping that time will help me forget. I think I need to be more friendly and spend more time with ppl. I think it might help a lot. You probably shouldn't compare me to your grandmother or cousin or friend because everyone's situation is different. I've never been one to complain about loneliness. This is because I actually like being alone. I'm just one of those weirdos who actually enjoy their own company just as much or maybe even more than the company of others. However, being in this situation is making me actually realize that I AM alone (which is something I never thought of before). It's like whoa, I'm actually by myself, at 23, in a foreign country and I've been doing this for 7 years now. Whoa, lol. Everything is fine until you experience something you consider to be quite difficult to handle and then you realize you're by yourself. It's not easy. Thanks for the tough love though. I appreciate it.
LoveRefreshed Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 You do come off as weak. And afraid of being alone. What do you need reassurance for? Why don't you believe in yourself? You should find any hobby, but I would suggest a martial art or something. You need to find your internal fire; you need to harness your soul, and turn yourself into someone who possesses an indomitable spirit. How do you do that? I wish I could tell you. You realize your alone now? Everything dies alone. Embrace it. When you are alone, you are free. You are free to be what you want to be and make yourself that way. You want to be a sad panda, moping around? You're doing a good job. You want to be a happy and strong person, change something in your life. Find something you don't like about yourself and work on it. Keep doing that until you can not find anything else you want to change, and then look in the mirror and see if you love that person staring back at you. That is true happiness. How I found my strength: I realized I was alone in kindergarten. An alcoholic mom I didn't meet until I was 7, a dad with a heavy cocaine and drinking addiction, and the closest friend I had at school was the other poor chump who got his ass kicked and spit on on a daily basis. I learned to love myself because it was all I had. I was the only one I could depend on. I now have a PhD, a charming personality, the ability to read peoples intentions whether or not they are even aware, and a shocking inability to love and let others in. Reason why all of my girlfriends have left me. I find comfort and safety in loneliness.
Toodaloo Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 LoD Your 23. You are exploring a new country. You have your life ahead of you! get up off your back side and go grasp it! OK so you made a mistake and were with the wrong bloke. We all do it and we all have "wobbles". What you need to realise is that those feelings you had were NOT happiness. They were neediness. So you have a false memory of events and you are romanticising them. I have "wobbles" all the time and believe you me life isn't easy for any of the people I used as examples, each have their own problems, you don't kno them and believe you me they have bounced back from far worse than a broken heart. So I take their example and take a deep breath, kick myself up the back side and get on with it. Its the only way. If you start to allow yourself to wallow you get into a tangled mess (and end up posting on here!!!). You say "oh its so hard living in a foreign country" - I say you lucky devil having that opportunity to explore and discover a new culture, learn a new language, history etc. Life is what you make of it. You do have control over your life and your feelings. You can make your life happen or you can be drippy and let life happen to you. Your choice. if you don't want to be alone make friend keep in touch with old friends, put some effort into making your life full. Tomorrow is a new day and it does get better. Come on up you get. Go find what tomorrow brings.
Author LoverOfDance Posted February 6, 2015 Author Posted February 6, 2015 Slowly reaching the 3 month mark and I haven't seen him yet. I think this is probably the longest I've been away from him. I think about him a lot still. But I haven't been able to somehow convince myself that It's ok to go back and see him and that I'll be fine if we just have a normal friendship. I think it's really over. I truly hope it is. It hurts to think about him. But I pray all the time for the strength to get through it. Only those who have truly experienced unrequited love can understand the struggle. But I'll be fine. I'll move on and I'll be PERFECTLY fine.
Author LoverOfDance Posted March 14, 2015 Author Posted March 14, 2015 He broke my heart three years ago. I have had feelings for him for 4 years now. For the past 4 years, not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about him. I spoke to my brother a few days ago (he is my rock and best friend). He told me that my heart may never heal and that I just have to be strong and live with it. I cried a lot today. I haven't cried like that in a while. But then after a few minutes, I wiped my tears and continued living. I realized that is what I am supposed to do. I am not supposed to let myself be overcome by despair. I will cry when I need to cry, and then I will go back to living and loving with all of my heart. Because that's how life goes. We have to get through it, whatever it is. Despair is not an option. God is our comforter and our strength.
Gary S Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Time is the great healer. In time, the feelings will pass, and you'll be right as rain. And then you will find a new man.
katiegrl Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 He broke my heart three years ago. I have had feelings for him for 4 years now. For the past 4 years, not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about him. I spoke to my brother a few days ago (he is my rock and best friend). He told me that my heart may never heal and that I just have to be strong and live with it. I cried a lot today. I haven't cried like that in a while. But then after a few minutes, I wiped my tears and continued living. I realized that is what I am supposed to do. I am not supposed to let myself be overcome by despair. I will cry when I need to cry, and then I will go back to living and loving with all of my heart. Because that's how life goes. We have to get through it, whatever it is. Despair is not an option. God is our comforter and our strength. You said in your original post this has been going on for 13 years. Was that a typo? Being that you're only 23, that would mean you have been off and on with him since you were 10 years old... That must've been a typo...right?
katiegrl Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 You said in your original post this has been going on for 13 years. Was that a typo? Being that you're only 23, that would mean you have been off and on with him since you were 10 years old... That must've been a typo...right? ^^Nevermind I just read the original post again. He has been in a relationship with someone else for 13 years... Sorry....
smackie9 Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 So I just found this post on twitter - "Sometimes, the only reason why you won't let go of what's making you sad is because it was the only thing that made you happy". When I saw it, I thought to myself, "wow this is so true". I felt like it gave me a kind of epiphany. So the guy in a 13 year relationship who I'm always going on and on about, I haven't seen him for 2 months now. Or maybe more, I lost count, not sure. But I miss him....still. And of course it is definitely because I'm alone, literally alone - completely by myself. Even though I get to talk to some friends during the day, I come back home, and I'm all alone. I'm actually considering going back to him just to get a little taste of happiness. Just to see his face. It would make my heart smile a little. But what about the painful sadness that will inevitably hit me again at some point. If only I knew how to avoid it. Once again I ask, what do I do?? If only someone had a perfect solution or knew the perfect way out of this unending tunnel. If you can, please help -_- Get a dog.......
Author LoverOfDance Posted March 15, 2015 Author Posted March 15, 2015 @smakie9 lol, if only things were that easy. Dogs are a huge responsibility. I really don't feel like I'm at a point in my life where I can actually get one and take good proper care of it. Thanks for the advice though.
Redhead14 Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 So I just found this post on twitter - "Sometimes, the only reason why you won't let go of what's making you sad is because it was the only thing that made you happy". When I saw it, I thought to myself, "wow this is so true". I felt like it gave me a kind of epiphany. So the guy in a 13 year relationship who I'm always going on and on about, I haven't seen him for 2 months now. Or maybe more, I lost count, not sure. But I miss him....still. And of course it is definitely because I'm alone, literally alone - completely by myself. Even though I get to talk to some friends during the day, I come back home, and I'm all alone. I'm actually considering going back to him just to get a little taste of happiness. Just to see his face. It would make my heart smile a little. But what about the painful sadness that will inevitably hit me again at some point. If only I knew how to avoid it. Once again I ask, what do I do?? If only someone had a perfect solution or knew the perfect way out of this unending tunnel. If you can, please help -_- You can view going to back to him for a little taste of happiness as being addicted to a drug. It's a short term solution to a long term problem. Drugs destroy a persons ability to move past and see through problems, ignore the real issues. Don't do it. For now, set aside a half-hour at the most each day for a few days or so to allow yourself to grieve, cry, scream, reflect, etc. and at the end of that time, compose yourself and make yourself do something, anything. Do something nice for yourself, rent a movie you've been wanting to see, call a friend you haven't talked to in a while. Yes, I know you've been grieving and dealing with it for a couple of months already. But, it's been continuous and overwhelming and harder to move through. It you break it off in pieces, you won't be overwhelmed. You'll deal with it a little at a time. When you are overwhelmed, it gets harder to control the emotions. It's like a tea kettle . . . the kettle is full, but the top vent allows a little steam and water to evaporate and it doesn't boil over and the whistle goes off and you know it's time for tea Be patient with yourself. You deserve to be happy. You wouldn't have been happy with this man.
Recommended Posts