dazedinconfused Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I dated my exboyfriend Sean about 10 years ago. He was my first love and got along wonderfully with his family. He cheated on me with my best girlfriend and they ended up dating and living together. He's since apologized and we've remained in contact. Times passed, he's had a child but we have remained in contact throughout the years. We tried to see if there were still feelings there about a year and a half ago and we had changed so much in that time that it was too hard to see a future together and we had grown so far apart in the meantime. He ended up going back with his ex girlfriend (his daughters mother) and got married and are now having their second child together. Fast forward to this year, and Seans older brother Ben and I got in contact for work related matters. We have been in similar industries before but he's quite a bit older so we never spent time together when I was dating Sean. Sparks were there when Ben and I met up and things sort of progressed from innocent flirting to him wanting to date seriously. I'm confused bc I really like him but dont want to hurt their relationship with each other as I'm sure this is the craziest situation him or I would ever be a part of. Ben wants to proceed with caution, but definitely wants to proceed regardless of Sean. He thinks Sean will get over it in the long run and we only have one life to live and we should think about our own happiness. Any thoughts on my situation? I know its not ideal and I'm so confused bc my heart wants one thing but my head and gut want to be rational and not cause heart ache. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 The ex is married and working on his own happiness. You have the right to do the same. You are all adults here. These matches happen more often than you think. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I dated my exboyfriend Sean about 10 years ago. He was my first love and got along wonderfully with his family. He cheated on me with my best girlfriend and they ended up dating and living together. He's since apologized and we've remained in contact. Times passed, he's had a child but we have remained in contact throughout the years. We tried to see if there were still feelings there about a year and a half ago and we had changed so much in that time that it was too hard to see a future together and we had grown so far apart in the meantime. He ended up going back with his ex girlfriend (his daughters mother) and got married and are now having their second child together. Fast forward to this year, and Seans older brother Ben and I got in contact for work related matters. We have been in similar industries before but he's quite a bit older so we never spent time together when I was dating Sean. Sparks were there when Ben and I met up and things sort of progressed from innocent flirting to him wanting to date seriously. I'm confused bc I really like him but dont want to hurt their relationship with each other as I'm sure this is the craziest situation him or I would ever be a part of. Ben wants to proceed with caution, but definitely wants to proceed regardless of Sean. He thinks Sean will get over it in the long run and we only have one life to live and we should think about our own happiness. Any thoughts on my situation? I know its not ideal and I'm so confused bc my heart wants one thing but my head and gut want to be rational and not cause heart ache. Has he talked with his brother about his intentions? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I think Ben should talk to Sean, as brothers. Whether your ex is ok with it or not, being honest and forthright is important to get off on the right foot with everyone. If you stay together it will be important to all family that you were both candid and respectful. After they have that heart to heart, you and Ben will know and decide how to go forward with a clear conscience. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I think both you and Ben are jumping the gun with grand pronouncements like "this is the craziest thing we'll ever be a part of," "we only have one live to live," etc. etc. Because it sounds as if you haven't even started dating, right? Have you slept together? Have you even kissed? My advice would be to pursue this path quietly in private between the two of you, and see what your compatibility is like. For now you should be focused on getting to know each other and seeing how well you fit together. (Like you would in any early dating scenario.) If you do establish yourselves officially as a couple later, that's when you decide how to deal with this with Sean and his family. Don't leap to that stage before you actually need to. Link to post Share on other sites
DenverDude Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 They would be real life Eskimo Brothers if this were to happen... Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Do you live in a town with a population of 10 people (Like Strawberry, California)? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Don't move forward unless you get a call or text from your ex saying his brother talked to him about it and he's cool with it. My guess he won't be cool with it if he checked back in with you as recently as you said. It could cause all kinds of family problems that would reflect very badly on you. Link to post Share on other sites
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