Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 I wrote a post on here the other day, a little concerned that the guy I've been dating seriously for the past 3 months, has not mentioned me being his girlfriend yet. We're both 25, and have met eachother's family and friends. I've felt like we have been in a relationship since week 3. I care about him a lot, and I know he cares about me too. He reminds me daily, in some way or another. It has been bothering me a little lately, that after three months, we still weren't 'official'. When he introduces me, he just says, 'This is Kate'. Not, 'this is my girlfriend, Kate'. It's kind of awkward because all my friends and family know about us and how much we see eachother and how serious it's gotten. For me to say, 'this is my friend...', seems off and uncomfortable. He is not my friend. He is much more than that. Last night, we went out to a local bar with a few of my close friends. They knew I was having this confusion and they figured they'd help me out. When I went to the bathroom, my friend asked him, 'so how long has Kate been your girlfriend for?' He responded, 'Well we've been dating for 3 months. I don't like to use the label girlfriend/boyfriend.. I feel like it's immature at 25 years old. We're together, but that just seems childish to call each other that.' I don't understand that at all. Since when was calling someone your girlfriend immature? He said we are together but doesn't like the childish label. Am I crazy for thinking this is strange? Do you think it's something deeper than that? Am I just supposed to refer to him as my friend from here on out? He just got out of a serious 3 year relationship a year ago. That was his 'girlfriend'. Could that have something to do with it?
Assada Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 Its something needy and trivial. When he get more comfortable with you you might be called gf, or your majesty or whatever you want. But asking you friend to ask him questions for you to get you silly information is underhanded and pretty ridiculous 2
Author Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted January 27, 2015 Author Posted January 27, 2015 Its something needy and trivial. When he get more comfortable with you you might be called gf, or your majesty or whatever you want. But asking you friend to ask him questions for you to get you silly information is underhanded and pretty ridiculous I didn't ask him to ask, he asked on his own without me knowing
Gaeta Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 So he called his last girlfriend 'his girlfriend'? but he won't call you that. I would ask him what happened that he suddenly does not want to use that label when he was perfectly ok with it a year ago. Last year is was not childish but now it is? To me it smells like he is not over his last relationship. Did she dump him? You know, your boyfriend may not like the label bf-gf but that is his problem. I would introduce him as my boyfriend anyway. He can do what ever he wants when he introduces me.
Kamille Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 (edited) This is a piece of advice I wish I had known when I was in my 20s and dating: Your friends shouldn't know more about how you feel in your relationship than your partner. He's the only one who can tell you what "being together" means to him. You can also tell him what it means to you and what your hopes are for your relationship. This, to me, is very different from having "the talk". It's about telling him what you want but in a way that is open to dialogue. Maybe you will find you don't need the title boyfriend and girlfriend - but are both on the same page about taking the relationship seriously. Or maybe you will find you don't want the same things - and if that is the case, it's best to find out early. Edited January 27, 2015 by Kamille 3
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 Clearly he is not over his ex. If he was, he would be screaming from the rooftops " this is my girlfriend Kate and she is the best thing since slice bread". People try and keep themselves guarded in the hopes that it will prevent themselves from making mistakes in their new relationships. I'd question how long ago was the break up from his ex and was he dumped. People forget how easily hurts are transferable. If people do not properly heal from their last relationship they usually bring that baggage into their new ones, hurting someone that might actually care deeply about them, making someone else suffer for the suffering they endured by someone else. It's recycled hurt. If you want to be acknowledged as a girlfriend you have every right to feel hurt and confused about this. I'd talk to him about it and say how you feel and how much you want to be acknowledged as a girlfriend and if he doesn't want to, you can always find someone who will.
Author Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted January 27, 2015 Author Posted January 27, 2015 His ex dumped him. I was afraid that was the problem. But his ex also is in what looks to be a new serious relationship. I asked him when we first started dating if he was over her, because I know they were so serious, and he said, 'Yes I am. I have no harsh feelings for her, and I wish her the best, but everything happens for a reason.' He said he was very hurt when it first happened and it took him a while to get over. I trusted him on that, and I have to continue to.
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