myheartaches Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 It has been almost 5 months since I last spoke to my best male friend who broke my heart. We were never together, but we were super duper close. We talked EVERY SINGLE DAY via text for a year and a half!! He told me he liked me in the beginning of the relationship, but he was NOT ready for a relationship (A month before meeting me he just got out of a 4 year relationship). Anyways, he was acting so flirty with me. He was the first guy who ever asked for my number! I met him in class. Since he was being so flirty and stuff, I just assumed he liked me I was so naive because I did absolutely nothing with a guy before then (I was 20 and just lost weight). I really wanted to lose my virginity to him because I trusted him so much and I liked him so much. So I did (9 months into friendship and chatting everyday). It went on for 10 months (the sex). Then all of a sudden, he stopped texting me for 5 days. I'm like da****kkk.... then he texts me saying "hey sorry I was busy" and I told him that he hurt me. He told me to get over myself because it is not his job to text me and he is not tied down. He's sorry but he's not sorry at the same time. I told him to go fu*k himself. I told him that I assumed he liked me because we were having sex! And then he says, "We shouldn't have let it go on for that long" and that killed me because I WOULD NEVER DO A FWB ESPECIALLY BEING A VIRGIN!! Was he stupid or something? What made him think I was that type of girl. I thought he liked me, that is why I gave him my virginity. Now he has some lameass chick living with him and his family because she has no home, and I think they are together. Please someone, help me! Please tell me that it will get better, and that he is a horrible person, and a real man would not do that to such an innocent sweet girl :( Sorry for writing so much but today is a bad day......
Marco Valerio Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 Well, It's a bit late to say, but you should have made it clear what was the situation between you two before jumping into bed. The best thing you can do now is forget him, he is not interested on you in a romantic way (and YOU ARE), so there's only pain waiting for you if you decide to continue being around him. 2
darkmoon Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 you told him to go **** himself, you told him to go...so he went 1
Author myheartaches Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 The last time I ever spoke to him and saw him was almost 5 months ago! The NC is going great! I just... I keep looking at his stupid social media!! I wish I could block myself from going on!!! I'm 22 btw
CarrieT Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 I just... I keep looking at his stupid social media!! I wish I could block myself from going on!!! BLOCK HIM NOW. The healing won't start until you do. 2
Zahara Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 The last time I ever spoke to him and saw him was almost 5 months ago! The NC is going great! I just... I keep looking at his stupid social media!! I wish I could block myself from going on!!! I'm 22 btw That's not NC. NC is to help you move on and to keep you away from triggers and reminders. Complete detachment. Full focus on you. You're doing the two steps forward and one step back. What is the purpose of checking his social media? You like reminding yourself of who he's with, what he's doing, where he's going -- none of which changes your situation, right? All this checking and you are still where you are. What's the objective? Block him. Until you do that, 5 months from now you'll still be stuck in a rut. 1
LovelyDaze Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 (edited) The last time I ever spoke to him and saw him was almost 5 months ago! The NC is going great! I just... I keep looking at his stupid social media!! I wish I could block myself from going on!!! I'm 22 btw Good going on the NC. Do that with all social media as well though. Anytime you see your ex-friend and his new gf's life in details will just bring you further down and that is not what you need anymore. Recognize BOTH of your errors. YOU allowed him to take your virginity when he stated he wasn't interested in a relationship. A quote from Maya Angelou says "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them." Well, He did. You kept having sex with someone who didn't want to claim you as his girlfriend. On his end, HE kept having sex with you MOST LIKELY knowing you had deeper feelings for him than just FWB and wanted to be your gf. To be as cruel as he was was a trashy move and at some point in his life, it won't point out well for him(a.k.a.he falls in love-she does the same crap to him).There are ALL kinds of "what goes around comes around" tales right here on LS. Your job is to learn from the experience. Banish him from your life. Don't even make this person a friend because friends don't treat each other this way. Work on your own self love and worth and don't allow yourself to be used. Other guys will come along both negative and positive. Watch for the red flags. Some will want sex and want nothing to do with YOU as a person(you'll feel it deep down, listen to your authentic self). The others will be genuine and love you for the beautiful girl that you are inside and out. You won't be confuse it...you'll know. Edited January 26, 2015 by LovelyDaze 1
Jessie1231 Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 Good job on no contact. I, like you, have trouble with the social media part. It's so easy to go online and find what the person is doing now. And you can't find exactly what's happening but you get enough info to draw your own conclusions. I swear I hate being able to find out things this way. It makes letting go so much harder than it should be. The good thing with you is that you're still really young. Take this from someone who has eventually regretted wasting so much time on someone who wasn't worth it - get on with your life. I spent my early twenties so hung up on a guy who was quite terrible to me. We were friends but he was never my boyfriend and felt it was ok to sleep with my friends. Long story short, I ended up marrying the guy. We divorced after eleven years thankfully, but I still look back and wonder how my life would be different had I not wasted so much time and energy on someone who didn't deserve it at all. Good luck to you. It may take some time but you'll find someone who is worth caring about. 1
pteromom Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 He told me he was NOT ready for a relationship He told you straight up he didn't want a relationship. I just assumed he liked me Never assume! But even if he did like you, that doesn't mean he wanted to commit to you. I really wanted to lose my virginity to him because I trusted him so much and I liked him so much. Had he told you that he loved you? That he wanted to commit to you? That he was ready to be exclusive with you? That he wanted to pursue a relationship with you? If not, there was simply nothing there to trust in. It was a mistake sleeping with him expecting him to be your boyfriend or something. I WOULD NEVER DO A FWB ESPECIALLY BEING A VIRGIN!! Was he stupid or something? But that is exactly what you did. If there wasn't a discussion about a relationship and commitment, then you were only FWB. What made him think I was that type of girl. I thought he liked me, that is why I gave him my virginity. Guys don't think like that. A guy usually won't say no to sex - if you were offering, he was going to take it. Please someone, help me! Please tell me that it will get better, and that he is a horrible person, and a real man would not do that to such an innocent sweet girl :( I don't know if he is a horrible person or not. But hopefully you learned a lesson that you need to communicate and only move forward physically with someone who is on the same page you are. You will be ok - it will get better. This is a lesson that most all of us learn. 1
Author myheartaches Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Thank you all for your support I really appreciate talking about my situation to others (I think my friends are tired of it lol) but I need other people's support to help me be stronger!! My only problem is stupid Instagram!!! He has always liked my photos so his account is a click away!!!! :( there is no way to block myself from seeing him, and that's what brought me down into depression again (I looked yesterday)
Zahara Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 My only problem is stupid Instagram!!! He has always liked my photos so his account is a click away!!!! :( there is no way to block myself from seeing him, and that's what brought me down into depression again (I looked yesterday) No one can help you stop peeking. It's a choice. The only thing to try and do is next time you have the urge -- step back and rationalize your actions. Talk yourself out of it versus reacting emotionally. You have to create a new habit. And in order to create a new habit, you have to teach your mind another path. Maybe seeing he likes your photos is your way to feel validated in that he's thinking of you, or he likes you -- but the reality of the situation is Instagram doesn't change the fact that he is with someone else and he has denied you. Maybe once you accept that it is finally over and that you need to close that chapter in your life, you will be able to have the self-control and discipline to focus on your own life rather than keep looking over your shoulder. 2
Kinetica84 Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 It has been almost 5 months since I last spoke to my best male friend who broke my heart. We were never together, but we were super duper close. We talked EVERY SINGLE DAY via text for a year and a half!! He told me he liked me in the beginning of the relationship, but he was NOT ready for a relationship (A month before meeting me he just got out of a 4 year relationship). Anyways, he was acting so flirty with me. He was the first guy who ever asked for my number! I met him in class. Since he was being so flirty and stuff, I just assumed he liked me I was so naive because I did absolutely nothing with a guy before then (I was 20 and just lost weight). I really wanted to lose my virginity to him because I trusted him so much and I liked him so much. So I did (9 months into friendship and chatting everyday). It went on for 10 months (the sex). Then all of a sudden, he stopped texting me for 5 days. I'm like da****kkk.... then he texts me saying "hey sorry I was busy" and I told him that he hurt me. He told me to get over myself because it is not his job to text me and he is not tied down. He's sorry but he's not sorry at the same time. I told him to go fu*k himself. I told him that I assumed he liked me because we were having sex! And then he says, "We shouldn't have let it go on for that long" and that killed me because I WOULD NEVER DO A FWB ESPECIALLY BEING A VIRGIN!! Was he stupid or something? What made him think I was that type of girl. I thought he liked me, that is why I gave him my virginity. Now he has some lameass chick living with him and his family because she has no home, and I think they are together. Please someone, help me! Please tell me that it will get better, and that he is a horrible person, and a real man would not do that to such an innocent sweet girl :( Sorry for writing so much but today is a bad day...... Sorry to say but he played you from the start. Learn from it and move on. There are better guys out there, someone who like you for you and not for what you can give them. I am sorry you went through this, he is a scum bag. It will get better and you will be stronger for it. 2
Satu Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 Now he has some lameass chick living with him and his family because she has no home, and I think they are together. Please someone, help me! Please tell me that it will get better, and that he is a horrible person, and a real man would not do that to such an innocent sweet girl :( Sorry for writing so much but today is a bad day...... Here is a for you, because you are a Goddess. 1
Zahara Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 Here is a for you, because you are a Goddess. Perfect timing! Thanks for posting. I have finally surfaced. 2
Recommended Posts