Ara-bella Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 Way too many times I've been told I was too nice in a relationship. As a result, I was vulnerable, a doormat, etc. My friend told me to, in my next relationship, be more bitchy or feisty. I'm sure it's important to be yourself. However, when I was completely myself (the 'nice' lover so to speak) I cared more, and I was hurt badly. Honestly kind of convinced most people don't appreciate nice partners anymore. Any opinions on this? I'm interested in everyone's point of view.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 I use to think like this. And then when I was bitchy and rude to men, I pushed them away because the nice guys that liked me were not into a rude and bitchy woman. Some men do take advantage of woman who are nice but that's because they have some insecurity that is not your problem and not your fault so taking advantage of you ( weather or not they are aware of this) makes them feel better and they feel like they have more control. Once the relationship is over the woman is usually destroyed and her self esteem is usually a puddle on the floor and SHE has to learn to love herself which can take years. I know this because I am talking from experience. Some guy ( even though you think they are completely rare or even alien) like nice woman and will not want a bitchy feisty woman. He will actually appreciate you for you. That may seem pretty unlikely at this stage but a healthy minded man will look for a healthy minded woman... you don't have to change who you are to get love.
chumble Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 Just be assertive when it counts, and find someone who matches your level of niceness. Who the hell would want a bitchy girlfriend? 2
markleymassraff Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 I'll tell you what I think works both ways (men toward women and women toward men). Being feisty / having an attitude "in general" but not toward your partner. The last two men I have dated (including the one I am with now) were 1) more beta, 2) more alpha. They both seem(ed) to like my bitchiness/feistiness. In the case of the first guy, I was sometimes bitchy *to* him as well, and obviously he did not like this (and I don't blame him; have a lot of regrets about him). But the second guy, so far I've only been feisty "in general" (NEVER toward him or targeted at him), and he likes me a lot. The first guy liked my personality a lot too; he was really, really smitten with me for a long time. But it just got to him that sometimes I was also feisty/bitchy toward him, which is rightfully when it gets bothersome. Now, mind you, the feistiness "in general" still can't be mean-spirited or rude toward people. You can't be an ******* to waitstaff, you can't be a mean-spirited person to any individual or openly hateful. It's more like you can just be critical and a bit like "so much of life and people are stupid!" -- but again, it's not meanspiritedly aimed at people, nor is it politically insensitive. The guy I am dating now is kinda alpha, and I haven't dated an alpha in a long time. Anyway, he is completely critical and attitude-laden about a lot of stuff, but somehow he's also still polite and well-mannered too, and has never been rude *to me*. He is, in fact, sweet to me. It's like he's always saying how other stuff is stupid, bull****, lame, or otherwise laughing at it, but he's also politically and culturally sophisticated, sensitive, educated -- plus, as I said, treats me well. So...if you are going to be feisty, you have to do it in a way that has boundaries and that still comes off as a polished, sophisticated, socially-skilled person as well.
pteromom Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 Way too many times I've been told I was too nice in a relationship. As a result, I was vulnerable, a doormat, etc. Be yourself. Be assertive when you need to stand up for your values. Be nice when you feel like being nice. You will always be "too" something for someone. Too nice, too mean, too thin, too short, too, too, too. Don't try to be what you think other people want. Be you. And focus on finding a guy who likes you just the way you are. As far as being vulnerable and a doormat, that's not about being bitchy. It's about keeping a good balance of head and heart, so that you are able to see through all the feelings when someone is treating you badly. I'm sure it's important to be yourself. However, when I was completely myself (the 'nice' lover so to speak) I cared more, and I was hurt badly. Honestly kind of convinced most people don't appreciate nice partners anymore. You were hurt not because you were nice, but because you chose someone who wasn't nice to be nice to. 1
Recommended Posts