goodgirlturnedbad Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 (edited) Nearly 1,5 years ago I came out of a relationship that had lasted three years. We had moved in together and he was even talking about marriage until his professional and family problems kicked in and he started being distant. He moved out and within two weeks went from a loving, attentive man to a guy who would forget to call me back and only visit me to have a dinner and leave after half an hour. I sensed that something went wrong and told him that he could go. He agreed and told me that my feeling was right; he wanted to leave but did not know how to tell me this, so he preferred to fade out. We were in our early twenties at that time. As the time goes by, instead of getting healed I'm realising what impact that breakup had on me. I haven't been with anyone since then - there were guys interested in me but I didn't like them. I was thinking about OLD but I'm scared at the thought of guys who seem into me but eventually vanish, flake on dates or don't call me back. I'm afraid that I would act needy in such situations because it would remind me of how my ex-boyfriend was withdrawing from the relationship. And what's more, I feel that I'll need so much reassurance and attention that my insecurities will show through and I'll end up being too high-maintenance for someone with less baggage. Has anyone of you ever felt like that? How did you cope? Edited January 25, 2015 by goodgirlturnedbad
Ieris Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Always start any new relationships on a clean slate. You are dating someone new, not your ex so don't drag all that baggage from the previous relationship into the new one. That is not a good start. All you have to take from the previous relationship(s) is the lessons you have learnt x
Gaeta Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Yes, My last serious boyfriend did a disappearing act without a word of explanation after months of dating. It's only months later that he explained himself. When I started dating again I was very sensitive to communication. My next boyfriend broke his phone and did not contact me for 3 days. I was trying to call and text no answers. It made me feel like I was going through another disappearing act. When he got back to me I broke up with him instantly. Time went by and I slowly made peace with what had happened and now 1 year after he did this disappearing act I am ok. I don't fear being abandoned without a word any longer. You have no control over what men will do, or the future. You have survived last time you were abandoned, you will survive if ever it will happened again. There is nothing to fear.
kendahke Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 (edited) Nearly 1,5 years ago I came out of a relationship that had lasted three years. We had moved in together and he was even talking about marriage until his professional and family problems kicked in and he started being distant. He moved out and within two weeks went from a loving, attentive man to a guy who would forget to call me back and only visit me to have a dinner and leave after half an hour. I sensed that something went wrong and told him that he could go. He agreed and told me that my feeling was right; he wanted to leave but did not know how to tell me this, so he preferred to fade out. We were in our early twenties at that time. As the time goes by, instead of getting healed I'm realising what impact that breakup had on me. I haven't been with anyone since then - there were guys interested in me but I didn't like them. I was thinking about OLD but I'm scared at the thought of guys who seem into me but eventually vanish, flake on dates or don't call me back. I'm afraid that I would act needy in such situations because it would remind me of how my ex-boyfriend was withdrawing from the relationship. And what's more, I feel that I'll need so much reassurance and attention that my insecurities will show through and I'll end up being too high-maintenance for someone with less baggage. Has anyone of you ever felt like that? How did you cope? I'm kind of where you are right now. Same kind of situation, except that it was an LDR. Things were going great from February til November of last year. Then all of a sudden, things ground to a halt. His sister became very ill (he is 62) and he got a promotion at this job where his new position was dealing with really hard problems (he works in IT). He suddenly started acting distant, not texting or skyping anymore. Then one day I just asked him what was up. He said that he was becoming emotionally distant because of the job and his family and he needed to focus his attention on that and attraction to me didn't change that. From that point on, he stopped talking to me. So yeah, right now, I'm trying to to OLD, but I'm not impressed with it. I met him through OLD (OKC), but I'm not sure I want to go back on that site. I'm on eHarmony and it's about as exciting as someone throwing up on your shoe. I'm dealing with feelings of being profoundly disappointed. I really miss him because we texted every day and skyped a fair amount. He would send me pictures of his world and of himself and so would I. I guess we just have to get through, day by day, doing things which bring joy to our lives and eventually, the sadness and disappointment will lift. I hope it will. Edited January 26, 2015 by kendahke
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