WoodyBoyd1985 Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 first off, I apologize if this is the wrong spot for this So my situation is that someone that I've worked with for several years - and has become a friend - has recently moved on to another position within the company. I didn't realize how much I'd miss her until she was gone, and it was then that I realized that I had developed strong romantic feelings for her! I have no idea of what to do - we are both married, and of course in addition to the sadness of the "unrequited love" feelings that I have, I feel awful and guilty regarding my wife as well. What do I do? Hope the feelings go away (its been about 2 months now)?, tell her how I feel and risk losing her friendship? I've thought about confiding in a mutual friend, but I don't know if that is the right thing to do either. I'm just in so much pain and want it to end. Someone please help! Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Please do not tell her. Do not put her in that position. Use the mental/emotional energy you are using on her to work on your marriage. If you must tell someone, tell your wife, and get some marriage counseling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 first off, I apologize if this is the wrong spot for this So my situation is that someone that I've worked with for several years - and has become a friend - has recently moved on to another position within the company. I didn't realize how much I'd miss her until she was gone, and it was then that I realized that I had developed strong romantic feelings for her! I have no idea of what to do - we are both married, and of course in addition to the sadness of the "unrequited love" feelings that I have, I feel awful and guilty regarding my wife as well. What do I do? Hope the feelings go away (its been about 2 months now)?, tell her how I feel and risk losing her friendship? I've thought about confiding in a mutual friend, but I don't know if that is the right thing to do either. I'm just in so much pain and want it to end. Someone please help! Not worth it. I think sure, you might have developed fantasies for her but unless your "romantic feelings" have never been backed up by "real" romantic situation then it is simply a fantasy. I personally see nothing wrong with fantasies as long as you stay true to your wife and perpetuate those feeling and desires with her.... and only her. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 You are using the psychological defence of projection to transfer your feelings of affection to the 'other woman' to avoid facing up to the problems in your marriage. Its therapy time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WoodyBoyd1985 Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 You are using the psychological defence of projection to transfer your feelings of affection to the 'other woman' to avoid facing up to the problems in your marriage. Its therapy time. I'm intrigued by this - can you elaborate? One other thing I'll mention is that I've had numerous female friends (classmates, coworkers, etc) over the years, but this is the first time I've ever developed feelings for anyone since I met my wife - that's about 15 years now. That's why the whole thing is so distressing to me - it's so unexpected. Also, thanks for the replies everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
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