Lesson learned. But too late

[unagedtiger]

Met this girl online and been talking for a week.

Finally met up today and hung out for 2 hours.

We agreed to meet up again in a week.

During the meet, she seemed very interested and talkative.

 

She had a suggestion of where to meet for next date.

 

Day later she sends a rejection text.

I begged to tell me the reason for rejection and she basically said I didn't play hard to get and gave it all away. That ladies like mystery + challenge. (Well DUH, didn't I know this all along, but didn't take it literally).

 

Upon hearing this, I thanked her and got extremely angry and wanted to beat the hack out of myself.

 

I either don't play hard to get or end up rejecting the girl because I don't like her.

 

Aaarrgghh...this all could have prevented if I kept myself together.

[acrosstheuniverse]

No, none of it could have been prevented.

 

If she was into you, she'd have been delighted to hear/sense that you were really into her. There's nothing worse than dating somebody and feeling like they're not into you, when you really like them. When I've dated guys who've made it clear very quickly how highly they think of me and how much they want to see me again, it's been a lovely warm glow. Not once have I been turned off a guy because he made it clear he liked me.

 

Unless you were EXCESSIVE (stalking her, blowing up her phone, getting her name tattooed onto you), she didn't blow you off because you didn't play hard to get. She did it because she didn't feel it with you and had to come up with some kind of reason to tell you she won't be seeing you again.

 

Kids play games. Adults are clear and direct about what they want and how they feel. A woman who is only interested by men who are playing hard to get and acting all secretive and mysterious will quickly stop liking you once you eventually DO give it all away. So really, you haven't lost much here. Don't you dare beat yourself up over her, she wasn't right for you. Move on.

[Gaeta]

You asked for an explanation, she gave you one, probably the first thing that came up on top of her head at the moment.

 

This is what online dating is about. It won't work till you meet someone and mutually clicks, then the rest will unfold effortlessly, no game playing, no hard to get.

 

You cannot mold yourself to something you are not just to win a girl. Stick to being yourself.

[unagedtiger]

No, none of it could have been prevented.

 

If she was into you, she'd have been delighted to hear/sense that you were really into her. There's nothing worse than dating somebody and feeling like they're not into you, when you really like them. When I've dated guys who've made it clear very quickly how highly they think of me and how much they want to see me again, it's been a lovely warm glow. Not once have I been turned off a guy because he made it clear he liked me.

 

Unless you were EXCESSIVE (stalking her, blowing up her phone, getting her name tattooed onto you), she didn't blow you off because you didn't play hard to get. She did it because she didn't feel it with you and had to come up with some kind of reason to tell you she won't be seeing you again.

 

Kids play games. Adults are clear and direct about what they want and how they feel. A woman who is only interested by men who are playing hard to get and acting all secretive and mysterious will quickly stop liking you once you eventually DO give it all away. So really, you haven't lost much here. Don't you dare beat yourself up over her, she wasn't right for you. Move on.

 

Thank you. But she said she did feel the chemistry initially but then lost it after I showed a lot of interest. For example, she used to text me everyday until we met up. But the I gave her "ok" on texting me everyday at will. I guess she didn't want that. She wanted the thrill of should not be texting too much.

 

Right, I wasn't stalking her. She was texting me more than I did first as an example, reminding me about the meetup, etc.

IDK all messes up in my head. Did I really not lost much?

[Gaeta]

When you do online dating, everything that was said and done before that first meeting does not count. The day of your meeting is your day 1.

 

She ended it the day following your 1st meeting. Even though she enjoyed herself she did not feel enough attraction to pursue further. It happens.

 

I have had really great first date. The man is into me, I am enjoying myself, he talks about meeting again and I say 'sure'. Then I go home, think about everything that was said and I decide it's not really what I am looking for.

 

When someone ends things after 2-3 dates don't ask them why. There is no secret reasons. They just don't feel it.

[preraph]

Without having been a fly on the wall, I can't say what really went down, but every sensible person is going to question the stability of a man or woman who seems like they're already half in love going in to the first few dates. And the reason for that is because a sensible person knows that this means the other person is actually just in love with love and projecting their ideal love template onto them and not really able to focus on actually getting to know the real person. If it's not that, it could be just lack of physical attraction on her part or that she just didn't feel a good rapport. In fact, she might have had an image in her mind of how she wanted you to be and then been disappointed that you were clearly not that person (but had you remained mysterious, maybe she'd have been able to pretend you were longer.) Either way, good for you for taking someone out and not spending too much time texting first and if you keep that up and keep going and doing real activities, you'll find the right one eventually.

[unagedtiger]

Thank you. God bless you all.

Just crappy that it seems women have more control.

Because us guys only look at looks, mostly.

[Dallers]

Online dating is filled with girls looking for the so called "Bad Boy".

 

You will get so much further with the majority of OLD women by being a complete d*ck.

 

If you want a relationship do not bother with the 2015 version of OLD as it has changed in a major way. You need to play games to win. The best thing to do is use OLD as practise, a tool to get laid and learn how to improve your real game.

 

The fact she told you that just says that she has been messed about and used by a ton of guys, is massively insecure and emotionally unstable and looking for an idiot to mess her about. She labelled you a nice guy and pretended to friend zone you because she is a kid.

 

Move on guy and learn from this. Toughen your skin as there a ton of these people out there. Never beat yourself up as remember you/we are the prize, their loss.

Edited January 25, 2015 by Dallers

[unagedtiger]

Online dating is filled with girls looking for the so called "Bad Boy".

 

You will get so much further with the majority of OLD women by being a complete d*ck.

 

If you want a relationship do not bother with the 2015 version of OLD as it has changed in a major way. You need to play games to win. The best thing to do is use OLD as practise, a tool to get laid and learn how to improve your real game.

 

The fact she told you that just says that she has been messed about and used by a ton of guys, is massively insecure and emotionally unstable and looking for an idiot to mess her about. She labelled you a nice guy and pretended to friend zone you because she is a kid.

 

Move on guy and learn from this. Toughen your skin as there a ton of these people out there. Never beat yourself up as remember you/we are the prize, they're loss.

 

Amen to that. She did say she was very nervous the whole time until we met up and farewelled. She also mentioned that she talked to a guy incessantly who chose to go out with a different girl. I can be a rude bad guy, but I didn't like myself at that time. But that's just not me. I want to treat people with respect.

[Dallers]

Amen to that. She did say she was very nervous the whole time until we met up and farewelled. She also mentioned that she talked to a guy incessantly who chose to go out with a different girl. I can be a rude bad guy, but I didn't like myself at that time. But that's just not me. I want to treat people with respect.

 

 

We all want what we can't have, more than ever.

 

Lots of people especially on OLD need to be burnt more than once to finally realise it is what we throw away, lose or do not give a chance that is really what haunts us.....

 

Some never get it and end up becoming cat people

[unagedtiger]

We all want what we can't have, more than ever.

 

Lots of people especially on OLD need to be burnt more than once to finally realise it is what we throw away, lose or do not give a chance that is really what haunts us.....

 

Some never get it and end up becoming cat people

 

Btw, what's "OLD?"

and what are cat people?

[Dallers]

Btw, what's "OLD?"

and what are cat people?

 

OnLine Dating

 

Cat People LOL those that do not settle with anyone and live with cats in old age. Happily. This will be me, but with a dog.

[Philosopher]

From her explanation, I think prior to the date she was undecided, she thought there might be potential however, hence the frequent texting. After the date I am afraid she probably had decided that she was no longer that into you. Her suggesting meeting up again during the date was probably just her being friendly and trying not to hurt your feelings. The "You don't play hard to get enough" was probably an excuse, perhaps it was the first reason she thought of.

 

Sometimes on dates in my experience I think it can be quite hard to distinguish between someone being friendly and someone showing genuine interest. I suspect this is what may have happened here.

[unagedtiger]

True that. But i wonder what it would have been? My looks havent changed one bit from pictures I posted of myself. I Didn't lose or gain weight. Probaly even in more shape. Maybe because of what I did?

 

From her explanation, I think prior to the date she was undecided, she thought there might be potential however, hence the frequent texting. After the date I am afraid she probably had decided that she was no longer that into you. Her suggesting meeting up again during the date was probably just her being friendly and trying not to hurt your feelings. The "You don't play hard to get enough" was probably an excuse, perhaps it was the first reason she thought of.

 

Sometimes on dates in my experience I think it can be quite hard to distinguish between someone being friendly and someone showing genuine interest. I suspect this is what may have happened here.

[unagedtiger]

Yes because of what I dId. I recall I acted too eager and desperate. You look ok, just stop doing that.

 

True that. But i wonder what it would have been? My looks havent changed one bit from pictures I posted of myself. I Didn't lose or gain weight. Probaly even in more shape. Maybe because of what I did?

[Philosopher]

True that. But i wonder what it would have been? My looks havent changed one bit from pictures I posted of myself. I Didn't lose or gain weight. Probaly even in more shape. Maybe because of what I did?

 

It is hard to tell. It may not be because of anything you did though. I have been on several OLD first dates thinking I would be attracted to them from their photos and their profile and ended up finding there was little chemistry and that we had little in common. A similar thing could have happened here.

 

Some photos on a profile can't substitute for actually seeing that person in real life in deciding whether you attracted to that person. That is one of the downsides with OLD I'm afraid.

[thecrucible]

It is hard to tell. It may not be because of anything you did though. I have been on several OLD first dates thinking I would be attracted to them from their photos and their profile and ended up finding there was little chemistry and that we had little in common. A similar thing could have happened here.

 

Some photos on a profile can't substitute for actually seeing that person in real life in deciding whether you attracted to that person. That is one of the downsides with OLD I'm afraid.

 

 

That's so true. It's happened to me. People just look different in person, regardless of how accurate their photos are. I feel like this about a guy just now. We seemed to have plenty in common over messages but it doesn't feel like enough chemistry in person/enough to talk about and I just got a text saying he wants to see me again so I don't know what to do about it :/.

 

 

Believe me it sucks when that happens. No one likes rejecting someone who's a good person.

 

 

I've also found that sometimes you may think you have a lot in common with someone but it may not be what they want to have in common with you if that makes sense - it all depends on how they rank their interests. For instance I like running but I like reading books a lot more. I'd more likely go with someone who likes reading but doesn't like running..

[unagedtiger]

That's so true. It's happened to me. People just look different in person, regardless of how accurate their photos are. I feel like this about a guy just now. We seemed to have plenty in common over messages but it doesn't feel like enough chemistry in person/enough to talk about and I just got a text saying he wants to see me again so I don't know what to do about it :/.

 

 

Believe me it sucks when that happens. No one likes rejecting someone who's a good person.

 

 

I've also found that sometimes you may think you have a lot in common with someone but it may not be what they want to have in common with you if that makes sense - it all depends on how they rank their interests. For instance I like running but I like reading books a lot more. I'd more likely go with someone who likes reading but doesn't like running..

 

Nah ah, I'm sure I acted too desperate and eager.

[thecrucible]

Nah ah, I'm sure I acted too desperate and eager.

 

No I don't like hard to get if I really like the guy. At the same time, I acknowledge that if the guy is being genuine and not hard to get, he won't produce the same amount of longing and I have to be careful of not confusing that with not having a spark.

 

 

So I still think you didn't do anything wrong. Wanting them to play hard to get is like teenagers. Seriously you get to a certain age and you're too tired of that crap. It's odd that she said that but what she said is meaningless. I would honestly ignore the reason why people reject you - I would filter that out and just think 'Next!'. Not worth analysing because everyone has foibles and they may reject you for something another girl would really like. Everyone likes different things.

 

 

Is there anything specific that makes you think you were too desperate or eager?

[unagedtiger]

I think I gave out too much compliment and future plans of hanging out easily.

Like I gave no thrill for her to think or be anxious about.

 

No I don't like hard to get if I really like the guy. At the same time, I acknowledge that if the guy is being genuine and not hard to get, he won't produce the same amount of longing and I have to be careful of not confusing that with not having a spark.

 

 

So I still think you didn't do anything wrong. Wanting them to play hard to get is like teenagers. Seriously you get to a certain age and you're too tired of that crap. It's odd that she said that but what she said is meaningless. I would honestly ignore the reason why people reject you - I would filter that out and just think 'Next!'. Not worth analysing because everyone has foibles and they may reject you for something another girl would really like. Everyone likes different things.

 

 

Is there anything specific that makes you think you were too desperate or eager?

[EveAFlame]

She sounds like someone who doesn't know what she wants. Move on and find a woman that will appreciate your interest and RETURN it.

 

I don't understand the game playing, the scorekeeping, aloof bullpucky. Dating should be fun not computing the perfect amount of time to return a text. If I like a guy I WANT him to call/text/make plans.

 

You didn't do anything wrong.

[unagedtiger]

She sounds like someone who doesn't know what she wants. Move on and find a woman that will appreciate your interest and RETURN it.

 

I don't understand the game playing, the scorekeeping, aloof bullpucky. Dating should be fun not computing the perfect amount of time to return a text. If I like a guy I WANT him to call/text/make plans.

 

You didn't do anything wrong.

 

She said that girls like mystery/challenge. But she felt none upon leaving.

Well I could have presented a challenge, which I am capable of. (I just don't like it when I do that to someone).

[thecrucible]

Well I could have presented a challenge, which I am capable of. (I just don't like it when I do that to someone).

 

 

Then do what makes you feel comfortable. The right woman will gel with that. Don't let this experience affect you too much. That's how I see it. Hell I'm quirky and I don't do what some guys want but I figured out there's no point in playing up to what men supposedly want. I just be myself and they can like it or lump it - I actually get more attention that way from the right people than I did agonising about what men want and whether I'm doing it right or not.

 

 

Same goes for you with women . Don't agonise over whether you're presenting enough of a challenge. Being a challenge just means not always being available to someone at the drop at the hat - and anyone with a full life and sensible boundaries does that anyway.

[Gaeta]

She said that girls like mystery/challenge. But she felt none upon leaving.

Well I could have presented a challenge, which I am capable of. (I just don't like it when I do that to someone).

 

You cannot be the right guy for every girl you will meet. There will be others that will feel very excited about you.

 

I remember dating this man a while back. We had instant chemistry. In my eyes he was perfect in every way. I asked him once what had gone wrong with the woman he met before me. He said she told him after 2-3 dates that he was not aggressive enough. I went: What kind of non-sense is that!!! you are aggressive plenty!!

 

See where I am getting at? you weren't a player enough for this one, you will be too much of a player with the next one, and eventually you will meet one that thinks you are perfect.

[unagedtiger]

God bless everyone who replied to this thread.

I wish you all very happy relationships and lives.